Drain, drain, go away...

Well, a big freakin' hallelujah is in order because that effing drain that's been hanging out of my mid-section for well over 3 weeks doing absolutely nothing (as far as I could tell) except for annoying the shit out of me and causing a helluva lot of discomfort is GONE!! That's right folks, it's a BIG step in operation "Let's Get Normal Up In Here." I'm still insanely sore in my abdomen, but this too shall pass.

Let's back up a bit, so I can catch ya'll up.

Julie got here late Friday night (I mean like REALLY late thanks to all kinds of road construction and road closures on IH-35. Thanks, TXDOT!), and we basically said, "Hi! Goodnight." Saturday was a good day. We played with The Geej all day (who was in a great mood and fell madly in love with Julie), and I felt pretty damn good for a change. Saturday evening, Bookhart came over, and the three of us sat out on the deck and chatted over a few beers. I even had 2 glasses of wine. Woo hoo! It was nice.

After Bookhart left, I took a shower and noticed this pretty sharp, pretty consistent pain in my right side, right beneath my ribcage. You know how when you get a "stich" in your side from running? That's what it felt like, but with searing swords added to it. Anyway, this pain just got worse and worse over the course of the night. By morning, I could barely get out of bed and could stand up straight when I did. Supreme suckage. I guess I'd just overdone it the day before because I felt so good. But anyway, Julie took over and totally entertained and took care of The Geej so that I could lie in bed and wallow in my painkiller induced stupor. Did I mention that Julie rocks? After I came to a bit, we took GJ to the park so she could burn off some energy. I'm sure we looked like GJ's two mommies out there, but whatever. After the park and lunch, Julie headed back toward Oklahoma. And by the time GJ and I woke up from our nap, Dah was back in the hizzie.

Last night was...drumroll...BOWEL PREP 2K7!! at Casa Karla May. I've become quite the connoisseur at the whole bowel prep thing, by the way, having done four different methods prior to different surgical procedures. Yesterday's offering was a new-to-the-market offering called "Osmoprep." (Take it from me: do NOT do this method if your doctor ever asks you to. Ask for something different. God knows there are enough different products out there that will make you crap your brains out for 12 hours straight to choose from.) Okay, here's what the Osmoprep involved:
4pm, take 4 pills with 8 oz. clear liquid
4:15pm, take 4 pills with 8 oz. clear liquid
4:30pm, take 4 pills with 8 oz. clear liquid
4:45pm, take 4 pills with 8 oz. clear liquid
5:00pm, take 4 pills with 8 oz. clear liquid

Sit around and wait for the severe cramping to begin. The instructions advised, "Remain close to toilet facilities." They weren't kidding.

9pm, take 4 pills with 8 oz. clear liquid
9:15pm, take 4 pills with 8 oz. clear liquid
9:30pm, take 4 pills with 8 oz. clear liquid

Spend the rest of the night, say till about 3:45am, running to the nearby "toilet facilities" about every 15 to 30 minutes. Hooray!

That's right folks: 32 pills

Oy.

So this morning, I went for the colonoscopy. I was pretty nervous about the whole idea of a camera going up my poop shoot, but believe me, the PREP for the damn thing was a ton worse than the procedure itself. I mean,they give you righteous drugs, and you don't remember a damn thing. I woke up a bit groggy and hungry as hell, happy that it was over. Here's what they told me: there is no perforation or leak in my bowel!! This is HUGE news, Internets. It's healed, which means that a major step to my recovery has been completed. Because they saw that there was no leak, they were able to pull that damn drain, and I am SO thankful they did that while I was out because it hurt like a motherfucker going in when I was fully conscious.

So there we are.

Wednesday, I go to an appt. with the Infectious Disease dude to see what he has to say. I'm due to finish my IV antibiotics by this Friday, so hopefully that plan won't have changed.

Keep thinking those positive thoughts, folks. I'm just now beginning to see the proverbial light at the end of this very long, very dark tunnel.

I can't wait until I have something more interesting and entertaining to write about than my damn colon.