That really hard meme that all my blogging buddies have been doing.

Now it's my turn, I suppose.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Karl Rove.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Toby Keith. Duh.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Paris "Lazy Eye/Stinky Crotch" Hilton.

4. What is your favorite cheese?
GOD that’s a hard one. Um…a really good chevre, like Pure Luck Farms.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
Leftover smoked turkey breast from Thanksgiving, lots of avocado, German mustard, iceberg lettuce, thinly sliced perfectly ripe Roma tomatoes, and Swiss cheese on lightly toasted whole wheat bread.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Viggo Mortensen.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?
Howe Gelb. But I’d want strings attached.

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
An exquisite meal at a really nice restaurant.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Denver (to see Mr. Wonderful). I know. It’s sappy, but it’s true.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
Use it to supplement the rental of a really swanky hotel room for Mr. Wonderful and I for the night.

11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?
King Estate Pinot Gris

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
1960s London. I’d become an English version of Chrissie Hynde—hailed as a music and fashion pioneer--and I’d somehow end up briefly married to David Bowie.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Everyone gets to sleep as late as they fucking want. And if you’re a “morning person” who wakes up at the crack of dawn and wakes others who are trying to sleep up, you get sent out to sea on a rickety raft.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
It’s a show called, “You Want the Truth?” Really rich people who are surrounded by “yes men” all the time consult me and ask me the questions that they want to get a 100% honest, no strings attached answer to. The catch is, they HAVE to do whatever I advise.

15. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck. So simple. So versatile. So perfect.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Ask them, “So…are we gonna party, or what?”

17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?
I wish I had something really sentimental to say like, “My great grandmother’s wedding dress. She wore it as she entered Ellis Island.” But no. Sadly, it would probably be my computer hard drive. It’s got my entire iTunes library, every digital photo I’ve ever taken, and a lot of writing and personal documents on it.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
First 20 minutes: Put on my favorite music—LOUDLY—and have crazy sex with Mr. Wonderful. Next 8 minutes, huddle up with The Geej, Mr. Wonderful and my Mom and tell them how much I love all of them. Last 2 minutes, smoke a righteous bowl of weed and eat some Frito's and bean dip.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
Teletransportation.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
The first half hour I spent with The Geej. FINALLY meeting her—just the two of us in the orphanage director’s office on a horribly frigid December night in Russia. Holding her. Smelling her. Thinking to myself, “I can’t believe she’s real.”

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Watching my father die.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?
On a goat farm on the Cornwall coast of England.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
Donn’s Depot.

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"?
Well, because he only lives about 10 houses away and would get a total kick out of it, I’d have to say my friend Chaz.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
Gilda Radner

26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My dad.

27. What's your theme song?
“But I Did Not” by Howe Gelb