Witness yet another thing the world doesn't need: Spam single serving packages.
That's right. Now you don't need to mess with that inconvenient can in order to get your salty, compressed, unidentifiable pork bits and pieces! Now all you have to do is "rip and tear your way to CRAZY TASTY(tm) town!"
You know what, Spam? I don't WANT to go to CRAZY TASTY(tm) town. And I don't care how much you dress it up, shit in a single serve package is the same as shit in a can. A little over a week has passed since Michael Jackson moonwalked off this mortal coil, and the media frenzy around his death and craziness regarding his will and what will happen to his assets and his children has been just as insane as I expected it would be.
It’s all just sad. All of it.
That cute, soft-spoken, eerily talented guy that so many my age fell in love with when he was just a teenager clearly had a terribly troubled life and self-image, and I suspect he was probably also extraordinarily lonely. The past twenty or so years had not been kind to him as he sank deeper into his bizarre behaviors and became simply freakish looking via the self-mutilation caused by unethical doctors willing to perform too many plastic surgeries. And now he’s dead, and along with a legacy of music and extraordinary performances, he leaves a legacy of utter strangeness that will always be a part of anything ever written or discussed about him. Like I said: sad.
But I have some happy memories that I associate with Mr. Jackson.
"Off the Wall." It came out in 1979. I was 10 years old. I begged my mom to buy me this album, and when she did, I played it and played it and played it some more. I would put it on and dance around the house like a fool, trying my best to sing along. I got thumbtacks and pinned the album cover to my wall (unfolded, it was a head-to-toe photo of Michael. Later, when the album came out on CD, the cover image was of his legs and feet only—surely a nod to the fact that he no longer looked anything like the fresh-faced young man on the cover). 
The depth of my love for this album and its singer knew no bounds. The following summer, when I was 11, I did a (made up as I went along) dance to “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” in the talent show at my summer camp. Those of you unlucky enough to have ever seen me dance know that there was NO talent going on during my portion of the show, however I will say I was probably the most earnest and dedicated performer of the night. My dance—performed on our “stage,” which was set up outside on a flat bed trailer near the swimming pool—was nothing if not a testament to my heart and soul devotion to “Off the Wall.” (I still have this LP, btw.)
Fast forward several years to 1983. I’m now 14, and I’ve got way more important things going on in my life besides Michael Jackson. But the night that the much-hyped music video for the title track of “Thriller” debuted, I was sitting in Lori Williams’ TV room, waiting with her breathlessly to see what the buzz was all about. And we were not disappointed. In fact, we were—no pun intended—thrilled! We were giddy with excitement. It was so cool and groundbreaking and new! MTV replayed it about 100 times in a row, and Lori immediately set out to figure out the choreography in the zombie dance scene. The video seems sweetly old-fashioned when you watch it now, but then? Then, it was the absolute shit.
“Thriller” was on the charts for over 2 years. I never actually bought the album because I didn’t have to: between MTV and the radio, it was everywhere.
A couple of years after the release of “Thriller,” I was on a bus with the rest of the marching band, and we were on our way back to Longview after marching in an invitational competition in Ruston, LA. We stopped at a strip mall that had a couple of different fast food dining options, and the band directors set us all loose to feed ourselves and return to the bus at an appointed time. In this strip mall, there was a K-Mart. A bunch of us went in there and were browsing around to kill the time when, no shit, they announced a Blue Light Special on Michael Jackson “Beat It” t-shirts. They were practically giving them away. By this point, “Thriller” had pretty much run its course and was old news to us, so—as a joke—we all went and bought these cheesy t-shirts and went walking back to the buses wearing our new purchases. Imagine it: Buses full of (primarily white) teenagers, wearing these big, white t-shirts with a full length picture of Michael on the front and big black letters reading “Beat It” running up the vertical length of his picture. We were a sight to behold.
After that, I pretty much gave up on Michael. His music was overproduced and filled with too many grunts, yells and “woo-hoos.” He tried, but was never able to capture the magic of those first two solo albums. His videos got longer and lamer, he married Lisa Marie Presley, and eventually his face became simply painful to look at. And then there were the accusations and trials that firmly planted him deeply in eccentric/creepy/weirdo territory and from whence he was never to return.
But last week, when he died, I made a playlist on my iPod of all my Michael Jackson/Jackson 5/Jacksons songs. I have 17 of them. And I have been singing my ASS off to these songs in my car almost daily for a week now. The Geej has actually been asking for him by name. Sort of. “Mommy, can we listen to Jackson Michael?” (She’s got a kid in her class named Jackson, so she gets confused.) It blows my mind to think that when he hit it big with his brothers in The Jackson 5, he was right around her age. Again: eerily talented. I’ve fallen back in love with “Off the Wall,” and I’ve even added a few songs from “Thriller” into the mix. And when you’re in the middle of belting out the chorus to “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough” and dancing like a fool in your seat while driving in rush hour traffic, all that’s there is the music and the pure joy it creates. All the other bullshit disappears.
Rest in peace, Michael.
While putting her to bed tonight, here's the tall tale she told me about a boy in her class:
HER: Patrick picked up a hermit crab and he smelled it and it bited him on the nose and then he smelled something REALLY bad and his nose turned to dust and fell off.
ME: Really? So does he just have a big hole in the middle of his face where his nose used to be?
HER: YES! And if you meet him, you can kiss him on it.
Sometimes I just wonder about what goes on in that head of hers...
Patriotic mugs, just in time for The Fourth!!
Some VHS tapes (yes, VHS!!) and books commemorating really cool TV shows:
A kick-ass "rain pancho" in a moldy packet. Here it is, modeled by my handsome and brave husband: 
Just SOME of the cat-themed gifts given to me because, you know, I like cats and shit*:
(*Should you ever be wanting to purchase a gift for me in the future, I IMPLORE you, nothing cat-related. Mmmmkay?)
Programs from some concerts I attended. (Perhaps this begins to explain the extreme variety of my musical taste):
A collection of plastic mugs from various places of employment:
Quite possibly the greatest bumper sticker of all time: 
(Don't worry. I didn't throw this away. Oh HELL no. It's now gracing the door of my deep-freeze.)
This Gumby pin:
This framed piece of lace (made in China!) that actually hung in my apartment's bathroom when I lived in Birmingham. I can't believe I ever thought that this "Kountry Charm" crap was my style...
An unopened CD called, "Guitar for Lovers." 
I mean just LOOK at those lovers on the cover!! Sexxxy.
An extremely disturbing and creepy self-portrait of my friend Andrew in his underwear that he sent me in the mail:
My one and only trophy/crown from my one and only beauty pageant I was ever in. Miss Starlite "Talent Winner" 1983, bitches!!
This little green plastic baby:
An impressive collection of highly-intellectual literature:
Art by moi:
A Xerox of a tarot card or something called "The Emperor". I'm not really sure about this one, but I was too creeped out and superstitious to throw it away: 
A Snork:
A contact sheet from my one and only "head shot" session from back when I thought I might try to be an actress:
A page from an elementary school class project about Texas history: 
A Gilda Radner paper doll book that features costumes from her most famous characters:
A "grow your own boyfriend" thing that someone who thought I was way too single must've given me: 
Yep. I'm awesome. At post time, only ONE of my childhood icons had passed away and it had only gotten up to one-oh-two.
By the time I'd left work, Michael Jackson was dead, and it was one-oh-seven outside.
I have been listening to Michael's (pre-"Bad" only) music--as a solo artist and with his brothers--almost non-stop since yesterday afternoon. My personal song fest/dance party has sparked many MJ-related memories (to come in a future post...probably tomorrow).
But for now, I'm going to rest up for the Big Garage Clean Out, Part One that's starting tomorrow. That's right people: I'm spending most of my Saturday working in a garage that promises to get into the triple digits, heat-wise. So try not to be too jealous.
Until tomorrow...
And I'm using the word "hot," literally here. Here is some bullet-pointy goodness for you. I'm going to get a cool drink...
One-oh-freakin’-two!! But it IS summer in Texas, so really, what can we expect? (And look! I’m getting 27 mpg!!) And so, what’s the plan? Something’s got to change, right? I can’t be one of those people who realize that things are not as she wishes and, instead of actually DOING anything about it, just complains and wallows in her own self-pity. I mean, I could be one of those people, but I don’t want to be.
I’ve already spoken with BH and told him that I desperately want and need to take some time off next spring/summer to attend some sort of intensive writing workshop. There are dozens of them at universities all over the South, and I want to be there, away from everything that’s “normal” about my life, focused on something that digs deep within this old brain of mine and awakens what is dormant. Now figuring out which one I want to attend, how to submit application/get accepted, how to finance the whole thing, how The Geej will be tended to while I’m gone, and how I’m going to swing it work-wise is going to be what I have to do. And I mean it: I HAVE to do this. This can’t be one of those things I plan on and then never actually go through with. I’m hoping by committing it to writing in this somewhat public forum, that it will not only inform the universe of my intent, but also help fuel my drive to make this happen. Because how much would it suck if I were to drop the ball on this and then look back at this post a year or so from now and have to own up to myself and those who’d read these words about my failure.
Consider this my commitment. I’ll keep you posted on the progress.
