Monday, May 28, 2007

Holiday? What holiday?

It's Memorial Day. I'm at work. So what does that mean to you? Holiday Blogging, of course!

Let's see...let me back up.

Friday was pretty crazy. The Geej's last day of spring semester at school. They had a little "Gates of Life" ceremony that was fairly chaotic. It was meant to help usher those kiddos on who are moving from one class to the next or moving on to a different school. It was cute, but the kids didn't really "get it," per se. All The Geej knew was that it was a "special day" (she kept telling me that).

After, I got to work, and walked straight into a meeting that ended at noon. Then I shoved some lunch in my face and then walked in to an all-afternoon interview session for a new IT Team Leader who'll be working with my team. Those multi-hour interviews with a panel of 10+ interviewers are always grueling. Walked out of there, went home. Mom had taken The Geej to "the lakehouse" (more on that later), so I was flying solo. Decided to go have Grown-up Girls' Dinner with Jaye. We tried Mirabelle, and it was faaaaaaaaaaabulous. I tried to catch a tiny little stray black and white kitten that was playing in the parking lot after dinner, but didn't have any luck.

Saturday, I ran to the grocery store to get some stuff for my mom, and then joined them down at the lakehouse. See...when my grandfather died, he left my mom this bogus "time share" membership. Basically, it's these fairly crappy condos in these rather undesirable locations, and they're totally oversold, so you can't really pick or choose the time you'd like to go visit any of the locations. You have to put your name in a lottery, and then you don't find out if you've gotten the dates you've requested until a week beforehand. Stupid. But anyway, the one they went to is near Canyon Lake and there are 3 swimming pools, so mom thought it would be cool for The Geej. You actually could see the water from the unit they were in, but unfortunately, the view looked like this most of the weekend because of the frequent rain showers that kept rolling through.
I spent the afternoon with them, then hauled ass back to Austin to go see Morrissey at The Back Yard. I hadn't been to The Backyard since they built all that stupid retail behind it, and I was kind of wary. But the show was awesome, and the group I went with--a work friend and a BIG bunch of her buddies--were a blast. The rain even held off until after the show was over. My only complaint? The show was too short. Damn Bee Caves noise ordinances...

Got up and headed back down to the lake house on Sunday. I'm pissed that I didn't take photos of it, but OH MY GAWD the wildflowers right now are insane. All along IH-35, and then everywhere along FM 306, from Gruene to Canyon Lake. SO gorgeous. As I drove over the Guadalupe, I saw that there were already people tubing. Hard to believe, really, because the Guadalupe is so freakin' cold and it wasn't hot at all outside--maybe 74 degrees. When it's 100 degrees, you'll still freeze your ass off in the Guadalupe, so I have no idea what these folks were dealing with. Oh, and by the way, there's a really klassy joint along 306 called "Daisy Dukes," in case you were wondering.I'm curious about what the female waitstaff has to wear.

Soon after I got to the lakehouse, it started raining...again. And this time, it was one of those "settled in for a while" rains, complete with thunder and lightning. The Geej was sad b/c we couldn't go to the "fweeming poo" to swim. Instead, we went up to the "clubhouse" area of this "resort." Holy hell, people. I felt like I'd been plunked down at the center of the white trash universe or, at the very least injected in a scene from "Idiocracy." I mean every grossly overweight, horribly dressed, covered-in-Cheetos, reeking of smoke, bad haircutted, arguing with each other, nightmare cliche you can think of was in that one room. Together. I had to get the Geej and get the FUCK outta there before I had a full-on panic attack.

Later, we went in to New Braunfels for dinner, then back to the lakehouse to bathe and crash. I actually went to sleep before 10:30 and slept until 8:00am this morning. That NEVER happens. Got up, cleaned up, checked out. And of course, the day we're leaving, it looks like this:

And something I realized? The Geej's eyes are no longer blue AT ALL. They're totally green now. Observe--

Jelly faced little turkey.

Oh, I almost forgot to show you these: The Stairs from Hell.
But wait, there's more:
You had to climb these bad boys to get from the parking lot to the condo, so loading/unloading the vehicles was a bitch, to say the least.

Drove back in to town, and here I am. Sigh.

I hope you're having a wonderful day off. Please say a prayer that we get our men and women out of Iraq very, very soon.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


I've had these photos sitting on my laptop for some time, and in an effort to clean out my virtual closet, I thought I'd toss them into the Recycle Bin. But not until I shared them with you, Internets.

1) Jesus Purse

Yep, there's nothing that says you've got a deep personal relationship with Christ like carrying a horribly ugly purse with "I Believe in Jesus" written on it along with images of He Himself on the cross. Tasteful, no? This was spotted on a Sunday afternoon (suprise!) in a line waiting to be seated at the Cotton Patch Cafe (you don't say!) in Corsicana, Texas (no way!).

2. Tiddies
Does anyone remember these godawful shoes from the 80s? They were actually called "Tiddies" and had an image of two big boobs on them. Ahh...the 80s. These almost make Crocs look cool.

3. Tribute

Promise me, that when I kick the bucket, you won't pay tribute to me by putting "In Loving Memory/Karla May/Date of Death/My Internet Buddy" on the back window of your Caddy. Thanks. This was taken on HWY 259 in Kilgore, TX, by the way, on the way to my Aunt Mary Lois and Uncle Ray's house.

4. Busted

This is what happens when you run through one of the new Austin-area road tollbooths without, you know, paying. They hunt your ass down and mail you a bill. Bastards.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

So damn stupid, but so damn fun.

A coworker forwarded me a slideshow/article from Slate about the bizarre web phenom "I Can Has Cheezsburger?" and its collection of LOL Cats. I'd been to the site before (I mean, hi, have you met me?), and even though it's totally asinine, I did find myself LOL-ing quite frequently at the stupid captions and, even more astonishingly, sort of entranced by the Cheezburger-speak that the captions are written in. It's somewhere text lingo, stoned speak, and pidgin English.

Imagine my delight when I discovered (at the end of the Slate article) the "LOL Cat Builder." OMG, peeplz! I hd soo mch fn!

Here are a few of my creationz (most of these are photos I've posted at some point previously, so sue me):

And finally...vintage Geej:

Good times, friends. Good times...

Monday, May 21, 2007

See, here's what happened:

I was gonna post photos of the results of all my hard gardening work overhauling my ailing flowerbeds, but then I realized I hadn't taken any BEFORE pictures, so the "After" photos are a wee bit underwhelming.

The only bed that I did manage to capture in its "Before" state was this little one around an oak tree in my back yard:

All that is are weeds and about 2 years worth of dead leaves. This little bed gets about and equal mix of shade and sun throughout the day, so I had a lot of options when it came to what to plant there. I went with some Aster and Red Salvia. I'm wanting some trouble free plants that will be lovely, but still look a bit wild when they grow. I planted them, spread some mulch, and voila:
Better, no? Simple, but better.

The only other thing I'm willing to post a photo of at this point are my two mandevillia (sp?) vines I planted in the corner bed in the back (also completely overrun with weeds before I did anything with it). They're tiny but already blooming. The Geej picked these out at the nursery, and calls them "her plants."

Speaking of The Geej, I have a word to the wise. When your not-yet-three year old tells you that, yes, she wiped her bottom well after dropping a duece, you'd probably better just go ahead and do a "safety wipe" for her just to be sure. Trust me on this.

Saturday, May 19, 2007


This week flew by (as they seem to these days), but it was a good one.

The weather has been great. My team is in good spirits at work. My kid is in good spirits. Even I'M pretty jolly these days. I guess a recap is in order...

The sleeping-in-underwear-instead-of-pull-ups thing is still going well. 100% success rate. Granted, she was waking me up 2 to 3 times a night during the first couple of nights, but now she's either sleeping through the night accident free, or just waking me up once with her plaintive, "Mommy, I need to go tee-tee." And then she goes right back to sleep. GOOD girl!!

I had the weirdest, most intense dream the other night. It was one of those that seems like it lasts for hours, and--even if you wake up at some point during it--you go back to sleep and it picks up right where it left off, like a DVD on pause or something. Freaky. Anyway, I was traveling in Russia with The Geej, and the government got suspicious of her dual citizenship, and tracked us down and basically took her from me, saying that she was adopted under "false pretenses" (it was believed that she had significant medical issues, which she totally never did), so they wanted her back. Not only that, but they already had a couple lined up that wanted her. The American embassies were worthless, and I couldn't get ANYONE to help me. I was powerless, and they were taking my baby away from me. The day before my travel visa was set to expire, they took Geej from me so that she could spend time with her "new family." I was psychotic, enraged and totally alone. It was horrifying. A couple of hours after they took her, however, they brought her back and told me that the couple didn't want her and that we were free to go. I was overjoyed, of course. When I asked what happened, they told me, "She talks too much. They don't want a chatty child." So yes, it had a happy--almost comical--ending, but damn it was harrowing during the nightmare itself.

Wednesday night, Bookhart came over for a long-overdue sit on the deck, drink beers, listen to music and talk about life session. The weather was amazing--even a bit cool. I had a nice time, and it made me realize I miss hanging out with Bookhart on a more frequent basis. She's the bomb, but then you probably already knew that.

I got my first ever Team Leader Survey results back. These are conducted twice a year, and are anonymous. Not only can your direct reports fill them out, but anyone who works with you can as well. I was thrilled to learn that my scores were almost perfect, and my comments were overwhelmingly positive. I'm so proud and happy. I guess I'm doing okay so far...

I finally went and bought those 5 remaining bags of mulch I needed to finish out "Operation Flowerbeds" here at my casa. Damn. I've got two more random things to plant (my mom dropped off a couple of big plants that she bought then decided she didn't need or want, and now I've got to figure out where the Hell to plant them), and I'm freakin' DONE people!! This has taken 3+ weeks, over $300, and lots and LOTS of sweat and dirtiness to accomplish. I'll post pictures tomorrow. Badger, Malcontent Mama, and La Turista, look out. There's a NEW gardening junkie in the club!

I guess the BIGGEST most EXCITING news I have is that (drum roll), it looks as if Mr. Wonderful has sold his house!! Holy crap, people! This is huge. And here's the best part: they buyers want to close on June 15th. Pull out your calendars. Yep, that's soon. REALLY soon. So yeah, we're both sort of in the OMFG stage right now. But what it boils down to is he's going to be here. For good. Soon. I cannot freakin' WAIT!

Finally, here's a photo of some baby owls. Oh, I mean owlets.If this doesn't make you smile, there' s probably something wrong with you. There's this guy in Austin who has an owl habitat and an "owlcam" set up on his property, and he's been recording the daily events of this owl family for a while now. I saw these suckers when they hatched, and now look at them. Could you DIE?! The image archive is hilarious. I'm telling you, I've been sucked into their world. I'm fascinated by them and in love with them all at the same time. You should really check it out. Especially if you've got kiddos who might be in to this sort of thing. It's awesome.

Later, dudes.

What I want to be when I grow up:

ELO: Strange Magic

See that chick standing next to Jeff L.? The one that's singing her ass off, dressed tastefully, sounds good but isn't showboating, and seems to be genuinely enjoying herself? Yep, that's me in an alternate universe.

[I was going to embed, but YouTube wouldn't let me.]

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Commando Report

Because I know you care, I thought I'd let you know that so far, so good with the whole Geej wearing underwear to bed instead of a pull-up. No accidents yet. Of course now that I've gone on the record about this seeming success, she'll probably pee 5 gallons worth tonight.

I can't believe she's so damn grown up. The only "baby thing" left is her pacifier, which she only has when she sleeps at night.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Is it really May 15th?

I ask you Internets: Where the hell is this year going? School's nearly out. It's feeling pretty summer-y outside. I've already had two sunburns. And I'd swear, just yesterday it was Christmas. Cripes.

I have nothing interestingn or substantial to tell you (as if I ever do), so you may want to do yourself a favor and just close your browser now. Go ahead. Shut 'er down. Because if you don't, you're going to have to read about boring-ass shit like this:

My hair!
Ya'll, I had literally, gone longer than I ever have before between dye jobs/haircuts since I started coloring this rat's nest of mine way back in 2002. And it was ugly. Scratch that: it was FUGLY. My roots were substantial enough that not one, but two straight, male coworkers had commented on them. And one of these fuckers actually works for me, so I could've like fired his ass for telling me ostensibly how crappy my hair looked, but I didn't because, truth is, he was right. I'd WANTED to get my hairs did for a long time, but I was so damn busy and couldn't ever make my schedule jive with my hairdresser's until today. I snuck out and took a very long lunch and, voila, I'm a new woman. I'd been wearing my hair in ponytails for about 3 weeks because it was so scraggly, but no more. My hair's now the color of a ripe plum, and I'm super relieved. And do I feel guilty about skipping out on work for nearly 3 hours to get this done? No, because I just got through doing nearly 2 hours of work at home. So there you go.

Did you see "The Sopranos" this week? Holy fucking shit. I did NOT see that coming. I can't believe there are only 3 episodes left. I have absolutely no idea how they're going to end it. I can't wait.

Also, I had high hopes for a new show called "Fat Man Stuck In Internet" on AdultSwim, but I DVR-ed it, and it sucked.

But the season finale of "Reno: 911"? Awesome.

I downloaded the brand spankin' new Rufus Wainwright today and have only given it a listen-through once so far, but oh my god, that man's voice. I got chills numerous times and even got misty eyed at one point. I can't wait to get to know this album well enough to croon along.

I swear, I'm about to die of meeting-itis. I'm being meetinged to death and I can't get any actual work done. I have no idea what to do about it, but I'm going nucking futs. I have grown to hate Outlook and my Outlook calendar. I mean, I fucking loathe it with a passion. The only good thing is that I schedule myself for blocks of time and put "DO NOT SCHEDULE" on my calendar so that I can have at least 2 hours a day at my desk to get some things crossed off of my ever-growing "To Do" list. If it were the Old Karla May, you know, the one without a kid, I'd be staying until 6:30 or 7:00pm each night, just to keep my head above water, but as it is, I'm beginning to drown.

Remember that awesome stir-fry I told you about the other night? Well, I'm a dork, so I took a photo of it while I was cooking. Damn it was good--asparagus, seitan, baby bok choy, zucchini, red onion, shitake, carrots, snow pea sprouts, etc. It made so much, that Geej and I ate it for dinner one night, I ate leftovers the next night, and then I still ended up trashing at least another serving of it. One thing I forgot to mention about stir-fry night: I taught the Geej to eat edamame. She LOVED it. I made a game out of it: See if you can pop the peas out of the pod. She tried doing it in her mouth (no luck), but then switched to her fingers, and had a blast. She ended up eating a shitload of the stuff, and asking if I would cook "Uhmamay" again. But of course.

Speaking of food, after my hair appt., I grabbed a VERY good (but expensive) portabella and artichoke panini from this swanky new place on South Congress (I fucking REFUSE to call that area SoCo, by the way). It was quite good, but I certainly didn't feel like I was in Austin when I was shopping there.

Also, I spotted this vanity plate while down in the South Congress 'hood:

In case you're wondering, "Westside Lexus" is a dealership in Houston. I was gonna guess Dallas, but same difference really.

And R.I.P., Jerry Falwell, you smug, self-righteous bastard.

I forgot to wish all my mom buddies a happy Mother's Day on Sunday. I hope yours was nice. Mine was very uneventful, unless you count the following exchange as "an event":

[In the car.]

Geej: [From the backseat] Here, Mommy.

Me: [Looking back to see her pointing her finger at me with something nasty on the end of it] Is that a booger?!

Geej: Yes.

Me: Do you need a tissue?

Geej: Yes.

Me: [Frantically searching through my purse for a kleenex with one hand while driving with another; I finally get the tissue, and grab the booger off of her finger.] There! Gross, honey! Next time, ask for a tissue BEFORE you pick your booger out of your nose, okay?

Geej: Okay. [Pauses a moment, then proudly proclaims] But I didn't eat it!!

I guess that's a gift, now that I think about it.

Sunday, May 13, 2007


1) The Geej is going commando tonight. It's my first night of trying out the sleeping without the Pull-Up thing. She's dry 99.5% of the time in the mornings, so I figure we may as well try it out. I can't BELIEVE my baby is getting so big.

2) Speaking of, I had a nice Mother's Day. At first, The Geej was in a shitty mood--acting SO two, and pitching a fit at every turn. But then, I made her get back in her bed and tell me when she was ready to "Get up and be happy." And lo and behold, after a few minutes, she got up, and the rest of the day was bliss.

3) After a Saturday morning playdate with Mama Malcontent's young casanova, then Dah came to town, and I was suddenly free to go to Home Depot and do some more garden supply shopping. See, here's the thing: I thought a few weeks ago, "You know, I should really clean out that little bed around the oak in my back yard, and plant something." Well, nearly $300 and many dirty, sweaty hours later, I'm almost finished totally refurbishing my beds and building an entirely new bed to boot. I gardened my arse off on Saturday afternoon, and quickly discovered that I needed at least 3 more bags of mulch. And a new rake. And some other stuff. So even though I'm nearly done, I'm not totally done. When I am, I'll post pictures (but I don't have "before" shots, so prepare to be underwhelmed).

4) After gardening, I got ready for a Big Swanky Party!! Remember a few moons ago when I told ya'll I finally met the lady in town who shares my (fairly unusual) first and last names? Well, long story short, she was beginning a publishing venture that deals with local and sustainable foods, and I happen to work at a company who's got a HUGE focus in that arena, so she asked if I could connect her with some folks "inside" with whom she could build a business partnership. I did, and--next thing I know--I'm being invited to VIP events at mansions in Westlake. Wow.

5) Went to said VIP event that was hosted by Paula. Paula is the "Paula" from this. So there was plenty of that flowing throughout the evening. But you know what? There wasn't much food. And all I'd had to eat was a small Schlotsky's veggie sammich at like 11:30. Then I'd worked out in the hot sun for 3 hours. Then started drinking this:

This one is so good, it sneaks up on you.

1 part Paula’s Texas Lemon Liqueur

1 part vodka

1 part club soda

Generous squeeze of fresh lemon juice

Mix ingredients and serve over ice.

That's from the website, and they even ADMIT that it sneaks up on you. Boy, did it ever. I was fine (really, I was), until I got into the shuttle to take me back to my car. Then WHOA--I was seriously fucked up. Thank god I had a more sober companion with me to help me out. She had to drive my car, pull over along MoPac to let me hurl, then help me inside once home so that I could curl up with my toilet and nice, cold ceramic bathroom tile. This was all before 10pm, mind you. See: THAT'S what happens when you don't get out much!!

6) Woke up this morning at 7:30. And you know what? I felt fine--absolutely fine. I didn't LOOK great, but I was totally okay. I think getting all that shit outta me, then getting a decent night's sleep certainly helped. Thank goodness I felt okay, b/c it was Mother's Day, my mom was here, and The Geej was being more than a handful.

7) Went shopping at Whole Foods and dropped $144 in 45 minutes.

8) Mom took me to pick up my car at my friend's house (embarassing), then The Geej, friend and I all went to lunch here. Holy crap, people, it was SO damn good! I'd heard and read good things about this place, but just hadn't gone yet. But after today's yumminess and lovely service, I'll be back. Plus, the table next to us ordered the ceviche, and it looked amazing. I wanna eat it. Soon. PLEASE try this place. They're in one of those mysterious "kiss of death" locations that seems like it's awesome, but whatever goes there always fails. They serve breakfast on the weekends, are kid-friendly, have outdoor seating, and a full bar. Go!! Now!! Save them (they were barely busy at during lunch time today)!

9) Came back home and took a righteous nap with The Geej and Earl.

10) Got up and finished planting the rest of my plants and spreading the rest of the mulch I had. And then we watered. I say "we" on purpose. You see, I recently purchased this for The Geej

I know! Isn't it cute?! The gloves say "Little Farmer" on them. Anyway, she's been "helping" me out with my whole Operation Flowerbeds project.

11) I've decided I hate Lindsay Lowhore more than I do Paris Hilton. But I still hate TobyFuckingKeith the most. He's releasing an album this week called "Big Dog Daddy." I can't WAIT to get it!!

12) Melatonin works. Good night!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Beach in Four Movements.

Movement one: The Arrival

Movement two: The Immersion

Movement three: The Continuation (Omnipresence)

Movement four: The Departure

We'll be back. And next time, we'll bring friends.

Monday, May 07, 2007

I swear I'm gonna write about our trip soon, but first I must pose a question:

Why oh why do (most) people who own beach houses/condos feel the need to decorate them in such a ghastly way?

First: You really don't HAVE to go with a lighthouse/sea shell/nautical theme if you don't want to. We're already at the beach, so it's sort of redundant.

Second: Why all the horrible silk floral arrangements? All they do is collect dust and look terribly depressing--like someone's untended grave. Just don't do it.

Third: If you're going to spend the dough to update your condo with really nice ceramic tile, sisal rugs, new cabinetry, and silestone countertops, why the HELL don't you do something about the ghastly wallpaper in the master bedroom, the master bath, and the second bath. And just a hint--if the wallpaper is peeling off in big-ass sheets, maybe it's time to get rid of it altogether.

Fourth: Some sort of window coverings besides sheer drapes might be appropriate since this is a vacation spot and most people would like to be able to sleep in a bit later than normal.

Fifth: Rattan furniture? Really?

Sixth: Why not go ahead and splurge on a) a mattress cover and b) a fitted sheet rather than putting a flat sheet on the bottom, tucking it in, and calling it a day.

All in all, our place was nice. It was clean, and quiet, had a fabulous view (see below), and the grounds were lovely. It's just that the way things were done in our particular condo were kind of...half ass? Tacky?

Sunday, May 06, 2007

More soon...

We're back from the beach. It was pretty awesome. Getting to experience the sand and surf through the eyes of a two-and-a-half year old is really, really cool. More tomorrow when I'm not so wiped out and sunburned.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

The budding artist.

A few of the latest works from The Geej:

This one is called, "Mr. Potatohead--all KINDS of effed up."
And these are part of the same piece called "Girlie to Goth in One Week."

I'm telling you people, the girl's got talent.