Random. Bullet-pointed. Done while eating lunch at my desk. Yadda Yadda.

• Went to see Jerry Seinfeld do stand-up with Blake and my mom on Friday night. Mom bought us the tickets, and I was like, "Um...okay." But actually? We had a good time, and Mr. Seinfeld was very funny.
• The show was at the remodeled Bass Concert Hall on the U.T. campus. I wasn't really all that impressed by the remodel.
• Saturday, Mom, The Geej and I drove up to Dallas (Allen, actually) to visit family for the weekend. My aunt and uncle (who Geej calls "Nanny and Papa") live there, and they had all four of their kids (my cousins) in town with their progeny to celebrate my cousin Jeffrey's son's second birthday. You still with me?
• We stayed at a nearby hotel, which the Geej thought was just too cool. I love that 4 yr. olds can be so impressed with a Hilton Garden Inn.
• Hung out with the family Saturday afternoon and evening, and that included a dip in the (heated) pool for the kiddos.
• It was my first time to meet my cousins' sons because one of them lives in New Jersey, and the other in Geneva, Switzerland.
• The babies--Lucas, 2 and Joshua, 6 mos.--were ADORABLE.
• Geej thought she'd died and gone to heaven b/c she got to help feed, bathe, dress, and put down the babies. REAL LIVE BABIES!!
• Sunday was the actual birthday party at Nanny and Papa's.
• Holy HELL, it was windy. And had dropped about 40 degrees.
• Had to make an emergency trip to Target to get sweaters, long-sleeved shirts and the like.
• After the main festivities, Geej and I snuck away to go visit my friend Lisa and her cutie-pie Henry who is almost 2 yrs. old.
• This time, Geej got to push Henry in the stroller. Once again, she was in heaven.
• OMG y'all, I'm going to be a grandmother WAY before I want to be.
• We stayed in Dallas Sunday night as well.
• Drove back on Monday after introducing The Geej to the wonders of IHOP.

• Back at work yesterday playing catch-up.
• Had an extra-long, extra good workout last night (after being away from the gym for way too long).
• Currently eating some DIVINE fresh strawberries whilst blogging.

Here are some photos I've been meaning to share with you:

Joshua and his dad (my cousin), Chris. Yes, I nibbled on his rolls. Repeatedly. (The baby's, not Chris's. What kind of a family do you think we are?!)

The Geej "helping" Joshua go down for his nap. Apparently she felt it was necessary to crawl all the way into the port-a-crib with him.

The Geej with Barry Manilow. Yeah, I know. WTF?

Jaye and I went to eat at Hoover's a week or so ago, and got seated near this table of 7 cowboys (6 of whom were wearing hats) from Vernon, Texas. How do I know they were from Vernon? Well, it said so on their shirts!! I mean, I'm a native Texan, and even I'm sort of astounded by this scene.

The Geej confusing the kitties (and me) by hanging out in the dirty laundry hamper.

Frito Pile!! (It's what you call "Frito Pie" when you don't have the little bags of Fritos to split along the side and serve it in.)

Thanks!!

Hey y'all! You gave me some good advice for the whole gift pickle I was in with the boys. I ended up getting F (the younger one) some drawing supplies (he's an excellent artist), a book on cartooning, some magic trick things, and a gift certificate to the Vans store so he can get some new skateboarding shoes (his are currently held together with duct tape).

For J, the older one, I got a Vans gift certificate as well, and that's it. I feel terrible, but I'd rather NOT get him something than get him something he hates. Maybe I'll give him some cash too. Lame? Yes. But what 14 year old doesn't like moolah, right?

I swore I wasn't going to get my babydoll junkie any more babydolls, but then this walked into my cube at work today:

Her name is Jayden, and she's one of The EarthFriends. Her skin is made of hemp, and her stuffing is made out of recycled plastic bottles. Plus, she's radically unlike any of The Geej's current stable of babies. How could I say no?! And best of all? She's like a $90 doll for FREAKIN' FREE!! Thank you, Santa Claus!!

So now I'm about to pack up, head to Whole Foods to brave the crowds and do my shopping for tomorrow, then head home. Once home I have a list of things to do that's 5 miles long, and most of it involves cleaning, tidying, and then cleaning some more.

Tomorrow, I'm working 1/2 day (from home, thank goodness) then cooking up a storm. My mom's providing the smoked toikey and dressing (her's is--bar none--my favorite), and I'm doing everything else, including creating a breakfast casserole for the following morning. Tomorrow afternoon, the Geej and Dah arrive. I miss that little monkey!! I bet she's going to be wound up like a top since it will be Christmas eve. Luckily, we've got plenty of egg nog and wine (for the grown-ups, natch).

If I don't get a chance to blog again before Santa's arrival, I hope you ALL have a very safe and stress-free holiday--especially those of you who are travelling to be with friends and family.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

We definitely have a problem.

Coming up for air.

Has it really been almost a week since I posted? Jeez. Last week was a doozie. I had something to do practically every evening. The string of social engagements ended last night, so expect a recap and more regular posts from now on.

For now, I'll leave you with a couple of quick photos:

Sunset yesterday. Taken at 65 mph going south on MoPac. When I was little, I used to think that the sun coming through the clouds like that was God.

Saturday afternoon, Geej put on her "fancy dress," got all the babies arranged for "circle time" on the guest room bed, and then decided to have a good ol' fashioned bed jumping session. You know, for the hell of it. I love that kid.

Conversation with The Geej.

From this morning. Here's the scene:

The Geej has Sally--the alpha baby--in her stroller and is acting as her alterego, Karla, who is Sally's mom. I am "the teacher" and "Karla" is dropping Sally off at school, which just happens to be in my bathroom.

Karla May: Are you going to work?

Geej: Yes.

KM: Where do you work?

Geej: California.

KM: Oh, really?! That's a long way away.

Geej: That's where Sally's family is.

KM: Oh.

Geej: But a lot of them died.

KM: That's horrible! What happened?!

Geej: They were sick and died of an orgery. (She was trying to say "surgery.")

KM: I see...I didn't know Sally's people were into that kind of thing.

Also, I thought you'd like to see this. It got COLD here last night (after being in the 80s on Sunday), and Earl decided it would be a good idea to snuggle up next to BH on the couch. I probably wouldn't have known where he was except for the the insanely loud purring and this:

We need glitter, STAT!!

Tonight, the Malcontent Mama was nice enough to host the first semi-occasional "Breed 'Em and Weep Supper Club/Support Group" gathering at her family's house. And what a perfect gathering it was! It was a potluck, so I made a very aromatic and hearty vegan Spiced Lentil Stew. The main course was brisket (thanks, but no), but there were plenty of other offerings for those of us who don't do cow.

The weather was perfect for outdoor play and dining. And it was such a treat to see the Geej just go off on her own to hang with her friends and do her own things. It was cool.

Major case in point: Geej and Annie O (Malcontent's offspring) set up a M.A.S.H. unit type hospital thing in the master bedroom, and informed us that they were... (cue 70s cop-show inspired theme music) Princess Doctors!!

Check those chicks out!! They are focused on the mission at hand: take care of the babies, and be princess-y and fashion forward at the same time. Awesome.

And here they are administering care to a very special patient...right before they had to go do princess-type stuff, involving crowns and whatnot.

Man, I'm glad this field of medical practice has opened up. It's long overdue, and I'm proud to have my daughter be in the first generation of P.D's.

OHMYGODIHAVETHECUTESTKIDSINTHEWORLD!!!

By "kids" in the plural, I mean of course Geej AND Earl. He's a big effing baby, and I love him, so technically he's my "kid" even though he's covered in fur and has been known to lick his own privates.

Proof #1: The Geej

Taken at a little Halloween carnival thingie we went to today. Notice: That's NOT Sally with her. I actually convinced her to bring a second-tier baby (named "Pumpkin" appropriately enough) with us since Sally's so big and hard to carry. You want some more proof? Okay, if you insist...

Dudes, she was LOVING that lollipop. She's so obsessed with candy, that I'm actually terrified of the whole trick-or-treating thing. She's going to lose her mind.

One more: Geej climbing up the ladder to the slide.

ARGGGH!! The cuteness!!


Proof #2: Earl sleeping with his tongue sticking out:

He does this kind of a lot. You can touch the sticky-out part of his tongue, and it's as dry as paper. And then he just opens his eyes and looks at you all drowsy and starts purring...with his tongue sticking out. Cute as hell.


That is all. More tomorrow.

Please tell me she's getting this out of her system now.

Because I don't want to be a grandmother before 50.

Here she is with Sally (of course) taking the maiden voyage in the new stroller. We had to toss the old stroller because she simply wore it out. It was all kinds of broken, and we had a mini-crisis on our hands because of it. Yes, that's a faux Baby Bjorn she's wearing on her chest (came with the stroller, dontcha know), and in it is the rarely-photographed "swimming baby," Britney. (My mom named her. I sweartogod.)

And today, a coworker of mine with a first grader gladly bequeathed me two gently-used babies, just as big as Sally. They didn't have any clothes on because her daughter had wanted to keep the clothes to put on her stuffed animals. Oh well...Geej likes 'em nekkid anyway. So these new babies were waiting for her in the car when I picked her up from school today, and after first wanting to name one of them "Bumblebee," we landed on the names Molly (on her head) and Polly (on her left). Apparently, they're twins. And Sally is their sister. Would you please look at how happy she is?!

And have I told y'all that she'll only wear dresses now and starts dance lessons this Friday (her request). Holy crap. How did I end up with this girly girl?

According to The Geej...

...all you need to go to the beach are the following items (pictured below):

• An umbrella
• Lots of "money"
• A bib
• A book
• and, a towel "for the sand"

You know what's scary? She's pretty fucking dead on.

By the way, she gathered all this together and then announced, "Mommy, I'm ready to go to the airport and get on a plane to the beach. And I'm bringing Sally."

But of course you are, angel. Of course you are...

This is what happens...

...when a toddler--well-equipped with a couple of baby dolls--spends about 3 hours in the waiting room at a doctor's office* and a nice nurse gives her some medical "supplies" (including tape) to play with:

This is Abby. Poor Abby.

When I asked the Geej what had happened to this poor baby, she told me, "A frog bit her." Oh.

*My mom was having some tests run. No worries.

The Beach in Four Movements.

Movement one: The Arrival

Movement two: The Immersion

Movement three: The Continuation (Omnipresence)

Movement four: The Departure

We'll be back. And next time, we'll bring friends.

Do NOT mess with The Geej.

For some time now, one of the disciplinary techniques I've been using is the traditional "time out." But instead of calling it that, I say, "Do you need to go and be angry/sad/whiny by yourself?" The answer is always "no," of course. But when she has to go be by herself, we talk about why, and then let her decide when she's ready to say she's sorry and explain to me why she's in trouble. She's verbal enough for this, and it seems to be effective for us.

Then, there are her babies.

Apparently, they're ALWAYS getting in trouble and having to be by themselves. And, The Geej being the world's biggest tattle-tale, loves nothing more than coming to tell me about the exploits and wrongdoings of the babies and also about the punishment smackdown she's putting on them.

Typical conversation:

Geej: Simon bit Abby.

Me: Oh NO! Biting isn't nice.

Geej: Needs to be by himself.

Me: Yes he does!

Geej: Wanna talk to him?

Me: Sure. Simon, we don't bite our friends. It hurts their bodies, and it isn't nice. You need to go be by yourself and think about why biting is wrong. When you're ready to talk about it and say you're sorry, you can come out.

Geej: (with a VERY self-satisfied grin on her face) C'mon Simon. Need to go be by yourself.

The result of this is that, usually by bed time, every baby has hit/pushed/pulled the hair of/bitten or in some other way harmed every other baby, and they're scattered around the house, by themselves, sitting against a wall, sometimes facing a wall, and sometimes in closets or under beds.

Tonight, I opened up the kitchen pantry and found this:

From left to right, Baby, Abby, and Simon (nekkid as a jaybird, by the way), all having to be by themselves. I think this happened this morning while we were getting ready for school/work. There's really no telling what they did to warrant this level of punishment. All I know is they'd been in there all day.

I'm totally calling CPS on her ass.

Helooooooooo Cleveland.

I'm not sure why I titled my post that, but I did, so deal.

This week has been so wildly busy, I don't even know what to think. Trips to the doctor. The Geej's new school. My first official full week as Team Leader. Meeting after meeting after meeting. Trying to work between meetings. Not accomplishing nearly as much as I need to.

Today I had no fewer than four people at work tell me I looked really tired. That's always comforting to hear...

And now, outta nowhere--Some Funny Photos!

I walked into The Geej's room the other night as we were preparing to get her butt in the bathtub, and this is what awaited me:

It's her favorite babydoll, Sally, stripped down and sitting on a little potty, right in the middle of the room. I think The Geej may be trying to tell me something...

And then tonight, while doing our pre-night night wind-down routine of watching about 10 minutes of the damn Teletubbies, this happened:

When I asked her what she was doing, she said--no shit--"Chillin." (She's heard me use that as in, "Let's just chill." But I wasn't prepared to hear it thrown back at me yet.)

Tomorrow I head to Colorado for a much-needed weekend with Mr. Wonderful. This time, we're hanging in his tiny town in the NE corner of the state. I'd tell you where it is, but you wouldn't be able to find it on a map. It's literally one square mile. The whole place, that is. I'm looking forward to seeing with my own eyes this Mayberry-esque place he's describe to me and sent photos of. Plus I'll get to hang with his boys again and get to know them better, which I'm excited about. I'm praying for cooler weather up there than what we've been having. And since the past couple of weeks have felt vaguely like the surface of the Sun here in Austin, I'm willing to bet it will be nicer up there, even if they're just as drought-ridden.

With my travels manana, I doubt you'll hear from me again until I return on Sunday evening. Be good, weiner schnitzels.