Things that Have Happened Since I Last Posted

• BH celebrated his 43rd birthday.
• We went on an old-fashioned Sunday drive to see the spring wildflowers that are blooming like crazy right now after months of severe drought followed by a wet winter. It was beautiful and probably quite the opposite of what most people who've never been to Texas picture when they imagine our state.
  
  
  

• I began composing my will.
• BH's youngest son, F, came to live with us. On Monday. It was rough, but the best thing for this kiddo who needs his dad in his life.
• Many tears were shed.
• Adjustments were made.
• F started school at his new school today. Scary, I'm sure. Remember sixth grade?
• I canceled our trip to Ireland, which was supposed to begin 2 weeks from tomorrow.
• I found out I need a root canal. And I'm getting it done today.
• I found out we're getting a fat tax refund, which was originally earmarked for our trip but some of which will now go to pay for my stupid root canal. Sexy.
•  My wonderful friends Joshelle from Portland and their kick-ass kiddo Ruby Bird arrived in Austin for a visit.
• I dreamed that I was at a Sammy Hagar ("I Can't Drive 55"/Red Rocker-era Sammy) and Stevie Nicks concert at a waterpark (Sea World), and I was going down this massive waterslide that, of course, went over the stage where Stevie and Sammy were performing, and somehow, I ended up dangerously clinging to the outside of the slide tube. And who saved me? In front of the performers and the crowd? Why, MacGyver, of course. That's right: Richard Dean Anderson showed up, frosted mullet and all, and saved my ass.

Things I've Never Done (with comments)

I refuse to call this a bucket list, despite the fact that yesterday was my 43rd (FORTYFUCKINGTHIRD!!) birthday. These are simply things that I hope to do...at some point...in no particular order...before I croak.

• Perform a stand-up comedy set--THAT KILLS--in front of a live audience.
• Snorkel in a coral reef.
• Hold a baby sloth.
• Go to a silent meditation retreat.
• See an opera.
• Attend an SNL performance.
• Spend a week volunteering at a service dog training center.
• Go sailing.
• Learn how to dance with a partner.
• Really connect with my step sons.
• Go to Estonia and Maldives.
• Join a choir.
• Finish my memoir/Become a published author.
• Wear a size 10 again.
• Attend a Texas Rangers playoff game.
• Dye my hair red. Again.
• See all those movies I should've seen but haven't (e.g. Citizen Kane, It's A Wonderful Life, Gone With the Wind, Raging Bull, etc.)
• Get a radical, professional makeover (e.g., "I'm a frumpy flabby 40-something working mom and I want to be a 50s pinup girl!").
• Re-learn to read music.
• Be able to handle stress in a healthy way.
• See PJ Harvey live.
• Become my daughter's hero.

Things I've Done Recently (with comments)

• Ice skated. (Busted my ass on the ice.)
• Tried coconut water. (Didn't enjoy it.)
• Ate treats cooked in an Easybake Oven. (Not so good.)
• Put a TON of old grad school stuff in the recycle bin. (Yes, I still had papers and stuff from grad school. Shut up.)
• Tried not one, but two new restaurants within walking distance of our house. (Both were delicious!!)
• Found a couch I want at Crate & Barrel that's like a jillion dollars. (Not really, but might as well be.)
• Suffered from Cedar headaches. (Cedar allergies are zero fun, y'all.)
• Roller skated. (Busted my ass on the rink.)
• Went to see Kathy Griffin do stand-up. (I she's 12 years older than me but has 100x the energy.)
• Tried to go a day without caffiene. (Failed.)
• Helped The Geej open up her very own savings account at the bank. (She thinks that $77 has the buying power of about $3k.)
• Signed up for a "Vocal Technique for Musical Theater" class. (Random, right?)
• Discovered the best loose leaf tea in the galaxy. (It's this stuff. And it's spendy, but SO worth it.)
• Admitted to myself that this whole psoriasis thing isn't going away. (Fucking sucks.)
• And finally started talking seriously about putting our damn house on the market. (Yay! But, scary.)

A terrifying glimpse into my brain.

Last night's dream contained the following elements:

• Wardrobe:  Sweeney Todd, which I have not actually seen.
• Water skiing
• Severed toe (not mine)
• Set: HBO's Carnivale, however we were actually in Miami
• Melanie from "So You Think You Can Dance"
• My friend Thelma Jane
• Karaoke

What the HELL, people?! I'm blaming this extreme weirdness of this dream on a combo of the heat and the fact that I saw a not-quite-full-grown-but-bigger-than-a-baby possum on our front porch last night. And also that I'm nuts.

Confessions-a-Go-Go

Haven't written a word since I got back.
Utterly uninspired. The heat. Work. The day-to-day drudgery of it all.
Reading a really good memoir and trying to seek inspiration from that.
Went to see a movie and my writing workshop brain was troubled by how poor the storytelling was.
Forgot how much The Geej talks. It is constant and relentless.
Dreading August more than usual.
Dreamed I got furious and yelled at someone for throwing a dirty diaper into the Mississippi river. Figure THAT one out, Jung!
The ugly and intolerant political rhetoric in this country is making me more sad than it is angry.
My headaches and IBS have returned.
Keep torturing myself by looking at the weather reports for Portland.
Also torturing myself by trolling real estate online again. Dreaming of a house with an office. 
Have no idea what to get The Geej for her birthday. It's this Saturday. She'll be SEVEN.
Excited that I have a couple of the authors from the writing conference following me on Twitter now!
That thing that the dermatologist dug out of my neck? It's back.
Noticed a severe and ugly new wrinkle on my face. First time I've ever seriously considered Botox.
Wondering what's next.

Thoughts Upon Heading Home

Things I haven't done in over a week:

• Cooked
• Loaded/Unloaded Dishwasher
• Kissed husband
• Driven car
• Eaten Tex-Mex or tater tots
• Shaved legs
• Watched TV
• Hugged kid (mine)
• Slept with windows closed
• Played fetch with cats
• Drunk bubble water (La Croix, or similar)
• Scooped cat litter
• Worried to excess
• Done other people's laundry
• Petted dog belly (my dog)
• Gotten angry
• Checked internet gossip sites
• Felt uninspired, listless

Random talents.

I can...
Make myself cry at the drop of a hat.
Sing harmony very well.
Remember lyrics with Rainman like accuracy.
Have an orgasm in my sleep (no, really!).
Make some of the most godawful ugly faces you've ever seen.
Smell cigarette smoke from 100 yards away.
Mix a mean martini.
Remember what my dad's earlobes felt like.
Pick out perfectly ripe, unbruised avocados 99.8% of the time.
Drink an obscene amount of iced tea in one sitting.
Parallel park quite well.
Pop your back.
Throw great parties.
Perfectly recall my grandmother's voice.
Tell when you're full of shit, but make you believe I'm oblivious.
Remember the first time I ever heard REM's "I Am Superman".
Unpack with lightning speed.
Make out for hours.
Can be simultaneously glad that I'm from and left Longview.
Get bitten by more mosquitoes than anyone else at the party.
Be moved to tears by music or the perfect moment in nature.
Laugh at myself and my hard core dorkiness.
Always find time to smile at babies and pet animals.

Everyday things: A list of things I do pretty much every day

• Take vitamins
• Chew gum
• Drink lots and lots of water
• Apply moisturizer
• Pop my back
• Read
• Recycle
• Wear my wedding ring
• Listen to music
• Pet and talk to animals
• Hug/kiss husband and kiddo
• Applychapstick and/or lipstick
• Wear contacts
• Fart/Burp/Pee/Poop
• Brush teeth (x2)
• Online banking
• Put on clean underwear
• Check e-mail/Facebook/Twitter/Google Reader
• Listen to NPR
• Write
• Think "I'm fat"
• Cuss at someone who is driving like an asshole
• Laugh
• Wish I could sleep longer
• Sing
• Wonder

I think it's time for a bulleted post of randomalia.

• It has been non-stop windy here for several days now, and it's sort of driving me crazy.
• Maybe that's why I've had a banging headache for nearly three days now. Banging, sometimes sharp pain. However, doesn't feel like allergies. Feels more like small demons with pitchforks.
• Work has been super busy, part of which has been due to me playing an eternal game of catch up due to being out of the office so much recently, but part of which is due to the fact that we've got a lot going on.
• The happiest piece of mail I've received recently notified me that I've reached the "annual out-of-pocket maximum" for my medical insurance.
• I am wildly uneven. I know it's part of me adjusting to these meds that will be a part of my life from now on, but the unpredictability of it is, literally, maddening. One day, so ill feeling and fatigued that I can't get out of bed and am paralyzed by anxiety attacks and crying jags. Next day, fine but speedy and unable to concentrate.
• I had some REALLY good falafel today.
• BH is teaching The Geej how to play checkers. It started when we were in Longview for my uncle's funeral, but the lessons continue. Too cute.
• I've been sucked into ancestry.com. It's like a puzzle that you can find yourself TOTALLY lost in for hours. And somehow, even though you're spending WAY too much time on the computer, it doesn't feel like a total waste of time.
• I discovered that one of my ancestors was named "Hogue". What a kick ass, Texas cowboy name.
• I also had another ancestor who was a prisoner of war in the Civil War (fighting for the South, natch).
• Found out I'm on the "wating list" for the writing workshop I applied for this summer. You know what? I'd rather them just tell me "no" outright than keep me hanging with some sliver of hope like that.
• I'm bummed because I was REALLY looking forward to going to that workshop for about 10 days and, like a dumbass, I put all my eggs in that one basket, so I don't have a back-up plan.
• However, I've been writing quite a bit, which has felt really good.
• If I don't get into this writing workshop, should I just go off for a few days by myself on some adventure this summer and focus on writing? If so, where?
• I have sworn off "Chinese" buffets forever.
• This whole oil spill in the gulf thing sickens me. However, if you want to get REALLY sick, do some research on how much oil is spilled into the ocean/lakes/rivers on annual basis, just from basic human carelessness.
• It felt good to see all of those wonderfully funny, talented women on the most recent Saturday Night Live (hosted by Betty White). By far, it was the funniest episode they've had in a long time, and the fact that it showcased all of those hilarious broads made me happy. Women can be funny, damnit! Really REALLY funny!!
• I'm heading to a conference in Chicago on Sunday. I'll be there until Thursday. I'm hoping to have dinner with some dear, old friends, but I'm bummed to be traveling totally alone.
• However, my hotel bathroom willl have a SOAKING TUB. So, YAY!!
• God DANG I need a haircut and my roots done. I look like some meth wench from a long lost episode of "Cops" except that I'm not super skinny, and I still have all my teeth.
• But at least I got a mani/pedi this past weekend (a gift to myself on Mother's Day).
• And that required me to shave my legs, which hadn't been done since, um, early April.
• Interesting factoid: My uncle and my grandmother are buried in the same cemetary as Karen Silkwood.
• Cannot BELIEVE that The Geej will be all done with Kindergarten in a matter of weeks. What! The! FUCK?!
• One of her teachers gave her a journal to encourage her to a) practice her actual handwriting and b) have a place to express her feelings and draw. You should SEE this thing. I'm going to treasure it forever.

That's it for now. Coming soon: Lots of Random Photos!! Stay tuned!!

Random. Bullet-pointed. Done while eating lunch at my desk. Yadda Yadda.

• Went to see Jerry Seinfeld do stand-up with Blake and my mom on Friday night. Mom bought us the tickets, and I was like, "Um...okay." But actually? We had a good time, and Mr. Seinfeld was very funny.
• The show was at the remodeled Bass Concert Hall on the U.T. campus. I wasn't really all that impressed by the remodel.
• Saturday, Mom, The Geej and I drove up to Dallas (Allen, actually) to visit family for the weekend. My aunt and uncle (who Geej calls "Nanny and Papa") live there, and they had all four of their kids (my cousins) in town with their progeny to celebrate my cousin Jeffrey's son's second birthday. You still with me?
• We stayed at a nearby hotel, which the Geej thought was just too cool. I love that 4 yr. olds can be so impressed with a Hilton Garden Inn.
• Hung out with the family Saturday afternoon and evening, and that included a dip in the (heated) pool for the kiddos.
• It was my first time to meet my cousins' sons because one of them lives in New Jersey, and the other in Geneva, Switzerland.
• The babies--Lucas, 2 and Joshua, 6 mos.--were ADORABLE.
• Geej thought she'd died and gone to heaven b/c she got to help feed, bathe, dress, and put down the babies. REAL LIVE BABIES!!
• Sunday was the actual birthday party at Nanny and Papa's.
• Holy HELL, it was windy. And had dropped about 40 degrees.
• Had to make an emergency trip to Target to get sweaters, long-sleeved shirts and the like.
• After the main festivities, Geej and I snuck away to go visit my friend Lisa and her cutie-pie Henry who is almost 2 yrs. old.
• This time, Geej got to push Henry in the stroller. Once again, she was in heaven.
• OMG y'all, I'm going to be a grandmother WAY before I want to be.
• We stayed in Dallas Sunday night as well.
• Drove back on Monday after introducing The Geej to the wonders of IHOP.

• Back at work yesterday playing catch-up.
• Had an extra-long, extra good workout last night (after being away from the gym for way too long).
• Currently eating some DIVINE fresh strawberries whilst blogging.

Here are some photos I've been meaning to share with you:

Joshua and his dad (my cousin), Chris. Yes, I nibbled on his rolls. Repeatedly. (The baby's, not Chris's. What kind of a family do you think we are?!)

The Geej "helping" Joshua go down for his nap. Apparently she felt it was necessary to crawl all the way into the port-a-crib with him.

The Geej with Barry Manilow. Yeah, I know. WTF?

Jaye and I went to eat at Hoover's a week or so ago, and got seated near this table of 7 cowboys (6 of whom were wearing hats) from Vernon, Texas. How do I know they were from Vernon? Well, it said so on their shirts!! I mean, I'm a native Texan, and even I'm sort of astounded by this scene.

The Geej confusing the kitties (and me) by hanging out in the dirty laundry hamper.

Frito Pile!! (It's what you call "Frito Pie" when you don't have the little bags of Fritos to split along the side and serve it in.)

Why No Lunch Bloggee?

Y'all it's been a helluva week so far, and it's only freakin' Wednesday. I've had to more-or-less work through lunch so I've had zero time to sneak in more than a wisp of a lunchtime blog entry. Tomorrow promises more of the same.

So some quick reverse updates (most recent to least), bullet-point style before I begin to snooze:

• Had a great workout tonight: treadmill, rowing machine and front press.
• Learned a lot about tea today at work.
• Went to the dentist this morning for a checkup and discovered that I need a crown on one of my molars. A very expensive crown. Yay.
• Took BH out to dinner and to see Neko Case last night at Stubb's as a belated b-day present.
• Show was good, weather was perfect. My shoes hurt so badly, that on our way home I left one on Red River and left another one near the intersection of Brodie and Wm. Cannon. So THAT'S how those random shoes end up on the side of the road!!
• Ate dinner before the show at the recently relocated El Sol y La Luna. Don't recommend it.
• Had a very tweaked-out and stressful day at work, punctuated by all sorts of odd goings on.
• Like the COMPLETELY fucked up young man with his 10-speed on his shoulder who came up and started banging on my car window, yelling at me and flipping me off at the intersection of 6th/Lamar during evening rush hour (until one of those "I'm biking from Texas to Alaska to fight cancer!" fundraising dudes intervened. I gave the intervener $2 for his cause, and for his chivalry.
• And the tall redheaded young man who was practicing his Swiss goatherd-style yodeling in parking garage at my work at the top of his lungs (the garage has great acoustics, dontcha know).
• And the fact that the whole day got started off on the wrong foot when The Geej had a meltdown getting into the car to go to school (which she never EVER does) and then another one when we got to school (which she almost never does).
• Had a really good workout Monday night after being away from the gym for a week (due to scheduling difficulties). I was surprised how much I missed my workouts! You have NO idea how un-like me that is.
• I worked at home on Monday and got a lot accomplished. I'd like to do that once a week or at least a couple of regular times a month, but my boss, he isn't a fan, so I don't want to push it.
• Blake's boys were here for four days. It was fun having them here, but it only emphasized to me how much we could use a bigger house. At least one additional bedroom and living area.

So that's pretty much it in a nutshell. I mean, of course, there's more--and pictures--but I've got no brain cells left this evening. Hopefully I'll be back to some more regular blogging soon.

You KNOW you want it

A bullet-pointed update from moi:

• The trip to the Pine Curtain went fine.
• Except that on the way out of Austin we got stuck in an hour's worth of traffic and somewhere between Temple and Waco we got stuck in traffic--again--due to an accident
• So the entire trip--which without a bunch of stops and traffic takes about 4.5 hours--took about 6.5 hours.
• And The Geej never fell alseep or stopped talking. Not even once.
• It was muggy and green in east Texas--the opposite of what it's like here. Except for the muggy part.
• We stayed with BH's dad, Gramps, who lives on a lake.
• Saturday was BH's brother's birthday.
• And we got to go out on the boat.

Chloe (BH's niece), Geej and of course Sally

• But that wasn't until after I went to the Super Wal-Mart. Y'all know how I feel about Wal-Mart, right? Like, I'd rather have a tooth filled while listening to a Toby Keith album than go to Wal-Mart.
• But I'd forgotten my toothbrush, Geej's toothbrush, cotton face pads and q-tips, and Wal-Mart was the closest and pretty much only thing near the lake.
• I somehow survived this ordeal.
• The lake was fun. We parked the boat and the Geej got to play in the water.

• And now her swimsuit is pretty much ruined because the lake water up there is sort of brown.
• Saturday night, it rained and thundered and everything. It was awesome.
• It rained more on Sunday morning. (Did I mention that everything up there was green and lush?)
• We packed up and left Gramps's house, only to realize about 25 miles down the road that--GASP--Geej had left Sally (the Alpha Baby, pictured above) behind.
• Much crying and sobbing ensued.
• We called Gramps and asked if he could mail Sally to us. He said yes. Thank God...
• We stopped and had lunch in Kilgore with my elderly Aunt Mary Lois and Uncle Ray.
• They are really sweet, but really getting up there.
• They were each other's first date (in 1940), and have been married since 1941.
• We ate at a post-church hotspot that had a buffet.
• Everything on the buffet was from the same color family--chicken fingers, fried chicken, chicken fried steaks, beef tips and rice, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, black eyed peas, green beens (more brown than green, really), and carrots.
• The Geej slept some on the way back to Austin. Not much, but some.
• I had to pull the car over--twice--because she was acting like a jerk.
• God, I hope 4 is easier than 3 has been.
• Which reminds me: her birthday is in 28 days, and I have no idea what to do party-wise.
• And she's expecting something cool.
• Speaking of cool, we got REALLY good gas mileage on our road trip. But now my car is FILTHY with about 1 billion dead bugs on the windshield.
• Another cool thing? Sally arrived in the mail yesterday, safe and sound.
• And we're going to watch Dah march in a 4th of July parade on Friday. I may pee my pants.
• Then Saturday, we're going over to a friend's house to watch their neighborhood fireworks show which, if it's anything like last year's, will be super cool.

Bullet Pointed Blogpost--The Nervous Breakdown Edition

Hi.

It's me.

So, yeah...

How are you? Good, good...

This weather, eh? Hot, isn't it?

Mmm hmm...

So let's get on to the bullet points, shall we?

• Friday night (Eddie Izzard) was a blast. My friend, RJ, and I got gussied up and took a cab from her house (she lives MUCH closer to downtown than I do) to The Paramount. We arrived in time to have a couple of pre-show cocktails. We entered the auditorium just in time to see Mr. Izzard come out on to the stage amid delirious applause. For me, this was the highpoint of the performance. I like Eddie a lot. In fact, I think he's delicious. However his stand up does NOT do it for me. My humor is way different from his, and although I enjoyed looking at how his jeans fit him, I gotta say, I found myself checking my watch a lot during the performance.


• After it was over, we went to Stephen F.'s for a couple of post-show cocktails and some girl talk. (Yes, Texpatriate! Those are the earrings you made for me. I LURVE them!!)I love Stephen F.'s, but on this particular evening, the service was shite. After we left there, we took a bicycle taxi to the Four Seasons lounge for a nightcap (you know, because we TOTALLY needed one). And on the way, we got cat-called by some 20-something frat boys!! Whoot!! Score one for the Cougar Den!! I freakin' lurve the Four Seasons, by the way, despite of its high priced drinks and quota of rich old white douchebags.


• After our one drink there, we (wisely) took a cab back to RJ's, and I commenced to downing water while she had a couple more nightcaps (also known as the T.U.D.: Totally Unecessary Drink). A couple of hours and a lot of conversation later, I looked down at my watch, and it was 3:00am!! Holy Mother of God! When was the last time I stayed out until 3:00am?! I can't even remember.


• So I made my way home, and then took a shower. So I actually got in bed at about 3:45am. This wouldn't have been that big of a deal except that I had to get up the next morning and be out the door by 8:45am, drive 30 miles to meet my mom at the halfway point between her house and mine, get The Geej, and then drive straight to a...wait for it...BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR A 5 Yr. OLD CLASSMATE at the GOIN' BANANAS PLAYNASIUM & KID FREAKOUT EMPORIUM!!! Why all-caps you ask? Because that's what my morning felt like. I wasn't all that hung over. I mean, not really. The gallon of water plus the two aspirin and the Pepto Bismal I took before bed helped. But damn if I wasn't tired as all hell. So after a couple of hours of jumping in every kind of germy bouncy thing you can imagine and downing her weight in pizza and b-day cake, Geej and I went home.


• Then, which would on any other Saturday be my naptime (with The Geej), I went to my long-overdue hair cut/color appointment. And due to the special stuff I asked her to do (photos to come...It's AWESOME), my appointment took 3 hours instead of the normal 2. But then I had to go to the grocery store to pick up stuff to make the salad (mentioned in the previous post) before heading home. And the when I got home, I prepared the salad, and then bathed/bedded the Geej. I was so exhausted at the end of all of this, that I was sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears.


• Sunday was a much more reasonable day: BH went down to the Canyon Lake area to meet his boys and go tubing, while GJ and I did our cat-sitting duties for a friend, went shopping, had a fancy big girl lunch, and then did some more shopping before heading home and taking a nap. See how much nicer that is?


• Last night, I had insomnia, and was awake from about 2:30 to almost 4:00am. Awesome.


• BH and I have been talking about escaping to Marfa for a long weekend in July. God, I hope this happens, or my hair may start falling out in clumps.