Further attempts at Food Porn (tm).

I've been jonesing to try this "Chicken Stroganoff" recipe I found in the latest "Cooking Light" ever since the magazine showed up in my mailbox last week. But various factors conspired against me, and I was unable to cook it until tonight.

First, a word about stroganoff: My mom is sort of a classic "mom" cook. She has some old standbys that are simple, but totally yummy. Her King Ranch Chicken Casserole (or as we always called it, "Mexican Chicken") is one of my all-time favorites. Her Thanksgiving dressing is unrivaled. Her chicken spaghetti rocks. But one of the mom things I gave up many, many moons ago was her Beef Stroganoff. When I stopped eating mammal in 1994, many of my favorite dishes could be recreated pretty damn accurately with meat substitutes or poultry substitutes. Not so, the magical stroganoff. Or so I thought until tonight.

I'm not going to go all into the recipe or anything, but I will tell you the ingredients that I think made this dish special: paprika, chopped onion, fresh sage, sherry, flat leaf parsley and love. That's right people: love.

I read the recipe beforehand in order to make my shopping list, but it also helped to look at the amount of time that the dish took to cook so I could plan my sides. I decided on acorn squash (microwaved) and asparagus (steamed). Also, I was able to tell the butcher at Whole Foods that I wanted a pound of boneless/skinless cut into 1/4" strips, which saved me that prep step.

Man was this good.

The only thing I did for the squash was pierce the "meat" with a fork 6 or so times and put a bit of butter in the hull along with some sea salt and fresh ground pepper before starting to cook. After about 8 minutes in the microwave, I pulled out the squash, and sprinkled a little grated asiago on top, and popped it back in the microwave for another 2 minutes or so. Perfection.

The only thing the fresh, spring asparagus needed was a little salt. SO good. I wish they were in-season year round.

Through just a little bit of planning, I managed to have everything finish cooking at about the same time and be ready for plating.

Hooray!!

The Geej even enjoyed this dinner. (I neglected to take a photo of the Geej's plated version of this meal...) Her liking this proves to me, I should really cook more things for her that don't come directly from the freezer. It's just so damn hard to do on weekday nights. But it's really fun and nice to do on weekends.

Oh, by the way, while I was prepping and cooking up a storm in the kitchen, here's what was going on in the dining room:

A rockin' tea party, featuring the hostess (Geej, of course) and 4 of her babies. Too funny.

Things I did this week.

Below, in no particular order, are some things that I did this week:

- Nearly had a wreck that would have majorly fucked up the front end of my car and the entire driver's side of the other car. A new Lexus.
- Nearly backed over 2 pedestrians.
- Rediscovered how much I like Sebadoh/Lou Barlow.
- Started a new book.
- Thought I was re-setting my alarm when, in fact, I was fast forwarding the time on my clock by about 1/2 hour. Talk about freaking out when I finally woke up.
- Made stir fry with tofu. (The Geej only ate the tofu and the onions. She's CRAZY for onions.)
- Was 15 minutes late to a big meeting that had about 65 people in it and had to enter through the front of the room. Walk of shame...
- Ate some organic chocolate covered cherries and nearly died because they were so good.
- Got serious fashion tips from and spent way too much time obsessing about this woman: "Isn't it glamorous?"
- Had to sit through an 8 hour training at work. 6 hours of it were pretty good. The other 2, pretty awful.
- Had to sit through another 4-hour training at work about how to discipline people who work for me. Unfortunately, "Time Out" and spanking aren't really condoned in the workplace.
- Downloaded "Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing" by Stevie Wonder. Great. Fucking. Song.
- Got sick and tired of the gloom and the clouds and the rain.

- Got paid.
- Paid my mortgage, car payment, phone bill and credit card bill.
- Managed to spend $95 in 20 minutes at Whole Foods. (I'm a shopping ninja in that place.)
- Had some really good pecan crusted sauteed catfish served over a mixed greens salad with grilled potatoes and a Cajun mustard sauce. SO good.
- Finally finished up a massive, 14-month, multi-faceted project at work.
- Sent Malcontent Mama's b-day card 4 days late.
- Didn't blog as much as I wanted to.
- Snuggled with The Geej every morning.
- Snuggled with Earl every night.
- Didn't get enough sleep.
- Meant to clean the kitchen floor and/or my bathroom every night. Never did.

Hot/Not Hot, Vol. 1

Hot:

My dream last night featuring George Clooney.
Tabasco green jalapeno sauce. On everything.
The new candles that Old Navy is selling.
"Rough Thymes" body wash by Kiss My Face.
My Canon PowerShot SD900 Digital Elph. Roar.
Convertibles
David Byrne's March playlist
The Daily Puppy dot com
"Intervention" on A&E
The Intellectual Devotional
Bluebonnets going crazy.
pixiegirlshop.com
Aqua Teen Hunger Force's upcoming movie
Sarah Silverman
Old Texas dudes in straw cowboy hats driving beat up old trucks
The Geej's new obsession with dancing to songs she makes up
Getting loveletters in the mail
Bulk trash collection
Charles Burns's collected Black Hole in hardback
Spring asparagus
Chomp! vegan cookies
El Chile's hot sauce
My bad ass team at work
Having my taxes done already
The "Pretty in Pink" smoothie at Whole Foods
The restaurant near my house that has a sign out front saying, "Now Hiring Snowconers"
"The Sopranos" returning next month
Baby donkeys
Farmstand tomatoes


NOT HOT:

My back-to-back math anxiety dreams this week
Mayonnaise
Uncontrolable weeds
Getting credit card solicitations in the mail
The volume on my computer shorting out
How freakin' FILTHY my car is
The Geej's school being closed for 6 weeks this summer and having no back-up plan
Having kitten fever
My mortgage company and how stupid they are
The half-inch roots I'm currently sporting
Talking on your bluetooth headset while you're in the elevator with me. Grrr...
"Alpha Moms"
Stress-related insomnia
Gloomy, gloomy weather
Gas jumping by $0.11/gal. in a 24-hour period
Miniature horses
Roadside jerky

I'm still here.

Lest you think that I went to bed Friday night and passed on due to sheer exhaustion. What DID happen was this:

Managed to sleep nearly 10 hours Friday night. Heaven.

Saturday: Ran to the grocery store with The Geej, then headed out west to Malcontent Mama's annual birthday ranch shindig. The sun came out and shone for the first time in many days, and the ranch was gorgeous in its full spring splendor. The kiddos got to play in Sandy Creek, which had just enough clear, cool water to make it a toddler paradise. The Geej, although skeptical at first, ended up having a blast splashing about. Malcontent Mama even arranged for crafts, and encouraged the kiddos to find rocks to paint. There was plenty of good food and lots of cold beer for the grown-ups. All in all, it was a really great time.

After the party, one of my friends Thelma and her daughter Ruby Jane came to my mom's house (which is only a few miles from the ranch) with The Geej and I to spend the night. Slumber party!!

The next morning, we took the girls on a lovely walk through mom's neighborhood and then they played, played, and played some more. It's amazing how much little girls squeal. Really, it is. (My camera battery died while we were out at the ranch, or else I would have photos of all of this.)

The rain came back full-force today. We got about 6 hours of hard rain starting at around 3:30 this afternoon. We NEED it due to our long drought, but still. We don't need a biblical deluge. I'm sure my weeds will be up around 4 ft. tomorrow when I wake up. Lord...

Some other stuff: Check out this cool metal thing I hung on my bedroom wall last week. The story is this: It was in my step-father's office for a while, then hung in our house forever, and then, when my mom moved, she just put it in storage. It's got just enough cheesy-but-coolness to it that I figured it would look good in my weird room. And it does. I was going to hang it above my bed, but then I thought, "If this thing falls on me in the middle of the night, it won't be pretty." It weighs about 25 lbs., and it's very pointy (as you can see).

Also, I'm trying to figure out how to use my camera, and I'm learning more every time I play around with it. For instance, I learned how to take really close up photos by using a macro-portrait setting. See?

Aww...

Still very, very busy at work. Trying to catch my breath, but not having much of a chance to.

OH!! And Cheryl's going to Thailand, ya'll!! Can you believe it? My mom? In Thailand? I really can't picture it. I wonder what the Thai people are going to think of the wonder that is her hairdo. But seriously, I'm so proud of her for being so adventurous. An opportunity arose for her to travel with her sister (who's going there for work), and she jumped on it. Good for her! I can't wait to hear her stories about it. The Geej and I will miss her!!

Right after she gets back, then I'm heading out to Charleston, SC and Raleigh/Durham, NC for work. I'm traveling with Jaye, so it should be fun.

Okay. That's all I've got. More soon...

Bed.

Now.

It's 9:08pm on a Friday night.

Yes, I'm that lame.

More when I'm less zombified.

6 weeks from tomorrow...

...Dah, The Geej and I will board a plane and go here:

Yep. I booked it all last night, and that will be the actual view from our balcony.

But tomorrow, I get to attend an all-day IT "Vision Day" in the banquet room of a local hotel. I'm going to have to do some major amounts of meth to stay awake. Okay. Maybe not meth. But caffiene or SOMEthing for Christ's sake.

Just a glimpse.

I've actually been meaning to post about this for a couple of months, but I'm just now getting around to it. (I'm going to go ahead and apologize in advance for the crappiness of my photos. I haven't figured out how to work this high-falutin' camera of mine yet in order to capture truly artsy fartsy images. Bear with me, please.)

Long story short, I went with Jaye to a doctor's appointment, and as we were sitting there waiting (forever) for her doctor to come into the examination room, I discovered this little gem in the stack of totally horrible selections:
Country motherfucking Weekly, ya'll.

Wow.

Could Kenny Chesney look anymore like a smug prick than he does on this cover? God, I want to punch him in the pookah shells.

So THIS is what Bush supporters and NASCAR fans read. Interesting.

Okay, here are the two main things I came away with after exploring the scary pages of this publication:

1.) They've clearly got one Hell of an ad rep. I mean, how well does this publication know its audience?


"Friends are the Highlights of Life" Precious Moments figurines? Are you fucking KIDDING ME?! Why didn't I find this ad BEFORE Christmas. Fuck.

"A Salute to Hee-Haw" DVD set. Available exclusively at Wal*Mart. Um... I must admit, "Hee Haw" was a regular part of my weekend variety show line-up when I was a wee one. My dad thought Junior Samples was a hoot, dug the "Hee Haw Honeys," and used to declare (with clock-like regularity) that Buck Owens was one of the "ugliest men God ever created." But I also was fed a steady diet of "The Carol Burnet Show," "Flip Wilson," "Sonny and Cher," "Tony Orlando and Dawn," etc. So it was sort of balanced out. But to OWN this? On DVD? So that you can relive the magic over and over and over and BR-549, and over, and over? I think not.

OMG. TFK has a MF movie, ya'll. WTF?!

Ooh! Ooh! Lookie! Checks with "my kind of style!" Finally! Hmm... Choices, choices. Should I get the "Ford Tough" checks or the "Tim McGraw" checks or the "Stars and Stripes" or "Hershey's Best (Collector's Edition)?" Gosh! I just don't know!! Which one of these says I'm not a tasteless, white trash brain donor? None of them? Shoot. Well then I guess I'll go with my old stand-by, the "Affirmations" design that helps me through the day with its positive messages of faith.

Be thankful that this image is blurry, because the clear reality of this item might cause you to go blind with pure tackiness. Yes friends, "Red Hot Betty is a Red Hat Lady!" And she's teaching fellow "Red Hatters" how to put a little "boop-oop-di-doop" into their stride, even if their stride involves a three-pronged cane or walker. She can be yours for only (I shit you not) $117!! Yep, this is how I want MY grandma spending her fixed income.
"Lovers United by Destiny and Doomed by American Genocide of Their People." How utterly romantic.

Weight loss ad for Medifast.
Weight loss ad for Thinstant.

Weight loss ad for NutriSystem.


No comment.


2) If this guy is representative of a "rising country star," I'm pretty sure that it would be okay to burn Nashville to the ground.

Folks, I'd like to introduce you to Trent "Really. I've got hair under this ever-present doo-rag, just like Brett Michaels and Leif Garrett. I swear!" Tomlinson. Not only was he listed as #8 in the "Country's Hottest Bachelors" section (because he's wasted no time finding his way onto "Country Weekly's" list of "the hubba-hubba hottest"), there's also an in-depth article about this fuckchop tht features photos of him pensively strolling through a graveyard (with his doo-rag on, dontcha know) during the video shoot for his latest single, "One Wing in the Fire," which is apparently a major departure from his rockin' first release, "Drunker Than Me" off of his album Country is my Rock. I think I'm getting nauseous from the overwhelming smell of shit.

Okay, so yeah. There you have it. A glimpse into what happening in commercial country music, brought to us by the brilliant folks over at "Country Weekly" magazine (with help from their advertisers, of course).

Man, am I ever poised for some nightmares tonight.

Quick legal update.

Just in case you were wondering, there's a case going before the U.S. Supreme Court today regarding an 18 year old in Juno, Alaska who unfurled a banner during an Olympic torch parade ceremony thing that read "Bong Hits for Jesus." He was suspended from school for this, and claimed it was bullshit because he was exercising his right to free speech (which were guaranteed for students 40 years ago during school segregation protests). Now the case has escalated to the Supreme Court, despite the fact that the kid and his father offered to drop everything if the school would sponsor an assembly where the ACLU could come and outline just what students' rights are when it comes to free speech. (The principal, who is apparently a dick on the scale of the principal in The Breakfast Club wouldn't go for it.)

Just the idea of those stodgy old justices having to utter the words "bong hits" in the hallowed halls of the Supreme Court makes me smile.

Experiments in Food Porn.

I used to cook. A lot. I would spend time experimenting with recipes, cooking for friends or just myself, winging it and trying stuff out that just sounded good. But not so much anymore. It's pretty standard toddler fare over here these days. Most items are cooked in the microwave, and nothing really requires a recipe per se.

So on the rare occasion when I actually get to cook for myself, I just get freakishly giddy. At about 5:45 today I realized, "Holy crap! I'm home alone tonight, and I can eat whatever I want!!" So I went to Whole Foods without a list and just decided to see what sounded good and ended up in my little basket.

I left with a lovely wild caught yellowfin tuna steak, some fresh asparagus, a red onion, grape tomatoes, a ginger/scallion marinade for the fish, shitake risotto, lemon goat cheese, a bottle of really nice Savignon Blanc and a slice of key lime pie.

When I got home, I rubbed both sides of the tuna steak with some course sea salt and multi-colored peppercorns, then put the marinade on it and stuck it in the fridge for an hour.

I prepped the rest of the stuff, and when it was time, started steaming the asparagus in my asparagus steamer (yes, I have a piece of cookware specifically for asparagus. So what?!), and preparing the risotto. I also started to make a "garnish" for the asparagus: grape tomatoes (halved), diced red onion, capers, chunked goat cheese, a bit of dijon mustard, white wine vinegar, olive oil, and lemon juice, salt and pepper. I mixed all this up and let it set in the fridge.

When it came time to cook the fish, I seared it on each side for about 2 minutes. I plated it with the risotto, asparagus and garnish and,

Voila!!

I'm not Jaye, but I tried.

The marinade was excellent: Made by "Wild Thymes," it's called Korean Ginger and Shallot. VERY flavorful. I should have gone a bit easier on the salt and pepper rub, and left the fish on the skillet for about 30 more seconds, each side. It was an exquisite cut of fish though, so I'm not complaining. (And hell, it should've been exquisite for freakin' $21.99/lb.)But all in all, it was very good. The random "garnish" I made for the asparagus added a perfect tangy, strong punch to their rather mellow spring flavor. And the lemon goat cheese added a lovely creamy consistency as it melted on the hot asparagus. The risotto was velvety and mild, with just enough mushroom-y flavor. And I ended up waaaaaaay too full for the key lime pie or more than a glass and a half of the wine (which was a bit too fruity for my taste).

I asked this bitch what she thought, and she seemed pleased.
(Thanks always, Texpatriate.)

Night night...

Again with the randomness (but with LOTS of photos!).

Ya'll.


From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry.


I've been so busy that I honestly want to sit down and have a good old fashioned cry. You know the kind of cry that you have and then, at the end, you feel like a wrung out washcloth and all you want to do is crawl in the bed and sleep for twelve hours. That's me. Right now.


Work + spring break + no child care= asskickingham.


So Monday, I worked and Saint Dah took care of the Geej.


Tuesday, I went to IKEA and bought a new desk some drawers to go with the desk, a new toy chest for The Geej, a tea set, new forks, spoons, plates, knives and bowls for The Geej, a new comforter, comforter cover and pillow for the Geej's someday coming twin bed, a HUGE metal bowl in which I will someday toss the best salad ever, an insanely cute lampshade for a lamp in The Geej's room, an even more insanely cute wall lamp that looks like a big flower for her room, a shower curtain (I've since decided I don't want), and some other stuff I'm sure I'm forgetting at the moment. After IKEA, I went and fetched the Geej and we had a perfectly nice evening together. I guess the highlight of the evening was putting Princess Apricot into the hamster ball and letting her roll around the house. SO flipping funny. I thought Earl's head was going to explode. Yep you read that right: the hamster ball was the highlight of my night.


We (that is, The Geej and I) then spent a lovely Wednesday together which included a trip of to my office to see her legions of fans and a loooooooooong trip to the grocery store followed by an even longer nap. Then the big excitement: Geej's boyfriend (and Malcontent Mama's progeny, Anderson) came to spend the night!! Slumber party!! Those two had SO much fun chasing each other and squealing and whatnot. It was Adorablefest 2007 over here. (My mom was thankfully here to lend a hand, however, because no matter how cute they are, two 2-year olds are still quite a bit of work.) After they went to sleep mom and I built the IKEA toy chest and desk. (I also decided I really don't want/need the drawers, so there's another thing I've got to take back to freakin' Round Rock. Grrr...)

Today I was slammed at work from the word go. Not only was I catching up after two days off, I had our weekly team meeting and a big presentation to prepare for. But guess what: at about 2:00 my right eye started freakingthefuck out. It was as if I'd put a few dashes of Tabasco in it. It was killing me and watering and I couldn't figure out why. I took my contact out, and couldn't see anything on it or any tears. But I was going nuts. And I had SO much work to do, but I couldn't see a damn thing. So I went home, driving with one eye closed, mind you, and took the DEVIL contact out. Soon thereafter, La Turista and her lovely husband T-bone picked my bespectacled ass up and we went here to see these dudes. Holy crap, they're a talented lot. It was a whole sweaty lot of fun.

Oh, I forgot to mention that in addition to Adorablefest '07, there's also this other festival in town right now. Anyway all it really means is that:

• There are a lot of people walking around town trying to look cool while really just looking lost
• There is a LOT of free music and really cool shit going on around town that makes you want to play hookie
• Especially when it's sunny and 73 degrees outside
• There is an abnormally large number of Japanese people in Whole Foods looking very confused and buying shitloads of groceries that the then schlep out to the corner while trying to hail a cab (Austin isn't really a "hail a cab" kind of town...especially not at 2pm)

Later we went and ate Mexican food and then crossed the street to the Johnny Cash-themed bar to hang out in the amazing weather and have a cerveza and a michelada or two.

All of this and still home by 9:00pm.

Oh, and did I mention this?
Fuck yes, people! That's a ceiling fan! On my deck!! Yee haw!!! That's been sitting in a box in my garage since last summer. See, I had big plans to get the electricity wired out there and get it hung, but never had the funds or the time to do so. But I decided to put some of my tax refund toward some electrical improvements to La Casa, including this, a new outlet in the entryway (it's always bugged me that there wasn't one there) and a light in the pantry. Yay!!

Next up: wood blinds in the kitchen window (the only window in the house that DOESN'T have wood blinds, and instead has this skanky looking dirty ass honeycomb blind thing. U-g-l-y).

Okay, even thought it FEELS like Friday, I know it's only Thursday, so it's time to shut 'er down and hit the hay.

Mo later, freaks.

I don't even know what to call these posts anymore.

It seems whenever I go more than 48 hours without blogging, I end up with a mind full of non-connected "content" I'd like to write about. Those posts I usually tag as "random," and they tend to be long and sort of weird. It's become a bit of a tradition, I think. I would hate to break that tradition and disappoint my legions of loyal readers (and by "legions," I mean three).

So here goes:

When last you heard from Karla May, I was spending the first night with my tiny little house guest, Princess Apricot and preparing for a road trip to Dallas.

Princess Apricot is doing well. I still can't get over her immense cuteness. People keep saying, "Are you going to get a hamster?" My answer is consistently, "HELL no." And I mean it. I'll babysit this little thing from time to time, but I can't imagine having one around all the time. It would make me too sad. Anything that lives in a cage bums me out. I can't wait to put her in her little hamster ball and let her go nuts tomorrow when I clean her cage.

Dallas was a blast, except for the actual road trip up there. What should've been about a 3 1/2 hour drive to the north east suburbs of Dall-ass ended up taking 6.5 hours. With a toddler in the car. And my mom. First, it was first-Friday-of-Spring-Break traffic, which just meant that the number of idiots on the road was significantly increased. Second, we hit a traffic jam in lovely Temple, Texas and sat still on the highway for over an hour. Meanwhile, The Geej declares, "I've got to poo poo!" which sent me lunging from the front seat to the back of my mom's Mazda Tribute to get a pull-up. I stripped The Geej down and put her pull-up on her and said, "Okay. You can poop." Talk about a confusing message to give to your newly potty trained kiddo. Bless her heart. She didn't WANT to go in her pants, so she started crying. In the end, she did pee in her pull up, but saved the bomb for the next opportunity we had to hit a gas station bathroom. Good girl.

After we got through that flustercluck (which apparently was just caused by some construction that caused traffic to go from 3 lanes to 2), we rocked along pretty well. We'd hoped to get to my aunt and uncle's by supper time, and when it became apparent that that wasn't going to happen, we called them and told them to proceed without us. Meanwhile, we dined at a truckstop Grandy's in Waxahachie. Yep. It rocked.

We made our way through Dallas, no problem. Then, 9 miles from my aunt's house, traffic stopped again. Totally still on Central Expressway. They were routing all 4 lanes from Central AND the two lanes that were merging on to Central from George Bush Presidential Freeway on to the frontage road because of an accident that had completely shut down the highway. Once we actually passed the scene of the accident, I saw a guy who had the words "Plano Chaplain" on the back of his black jacket, and knew someone had died. The next day in the paper we discovered that a 17 year old had gotten into an arguement with his father while they were dining at a restaurant on the frontage road. He'd run out and crossed the highway, miraculously making it unscathed. When he realized he'd dropped his cellphone, and ran BACK into traffic to retrieve it, he wasn't so lucky. He was struck by two cars and killed. This happened at roughly 9pm. The highway was closed until 2am.

The next day was my friend Lisa's baby shower, at another friend of mine's (Deanne's) house in Dallas proper--an about 25 mile drive from my aunt's house in the burbs. The Geej got dressed up in a dress and came with me. We got there at exactly 11:30, and I was surprised that everyone was already there, seated and eating. We had a nice time, and left in time for Geej to go have some lunch and a good nap. It wasn't until we got home yesterday, and I saw the invitation hanging on my fridge that I realized the shower had actually started at 10:30. What an asshole I am. Showed up an hour late and didn't even apologize.

Saturday afternoon was lovely. We all walked to the neighborhood park to play. On the way, however, The Geej was running a wee bit faster than she probably should have, and she fell on her knees...then her hands...then her face. She looks like she was in a bar fight: big bruise on her forehead, bridge of the nose skinned, big bloody scab between her left nostril and upper lip (see below), back of the left hand and both knees skinned. She cried like mad for about 3 minutes and scared the hell out of me, but she dusted it off and still wanted to swing. That's my girl.

Saturday night, we had a big family meal with my mom, aunt, uncle, Geej, my cousin Stacey, her daughter Meghan, and husband Roy. My aunt is an insanely good cook, and it was just really nice to hang out together.

Sunday's trip home was much smoother than the ride up. No traffic jams. Only a little bit of rain at the end of the drive. The Geej was an angel. All in all, it was a really good time.

Last night it rained like crazy, and although we really, really needed it, it kept me up for the better part of the night. To say I'm looking forward to snoozing tonight is a big understatement.

It's spring break, and Geej's school is closed, so Dah and I are doing the childcare mambo. She had Geej today, and I get her back tomorrow (after I go to the new IKEA for the first time...YAY!!). I'm taking tomorrow and Wednesday off to Geej-tend, the Dah steps back in on Thursday and Friday. I've said it before: Thank GOD for her. I have no idea what I'd do if she weren't here to help me out.

The other big news I have is that I FINALLY got a new digital camera. I went from my shitty 3.2 megapixel dinosaur to a 10 megapixel badass of a camera. It has so many bells and whistles, I don't know if I'll ever figure out everything it's capable of. Also, I went from a 64mb memory card to a 1GB card. (Thanks, Jaye!) Dammmmmmmmmn. The whole experience has been like going from a '87 Sentra to a brand new Lexus. Hot, people. I'm going to be posting pictures and videos like mad...if I can ever figure out the video posting thingamajig.

Finally, I found out that that bastard Uncle Sam is giving a nice refund this year. Thank God. I've got so many little house projects that have been totally dependent on whether or not this refund happened.

Plus, I really want to get this: 1973 Mercedes. Cherry condition. That's right bitches--Mama's getting a convertible.

Tiniest. Houseguest. Ever.

Guess who's staying with us for spring break?

PRINCESS APRICOT!! The Russian Dwarf Hamster from The Geej's school. (The kids named her. Can you tell?)

I really don't know how I got sucked in to this. Honest, I don't. But somehow, this little rodent ended up riding home with us in the car today, and it seems that the entire household is fascinated with her.

We just can't stop watching her because she is cuteness defined. She's the size of a freakin' golf ball, people. And her little feet are so itty and pink. She's almost edible. (Earl would probably argue about my use of "almost" in that sentence, but oh well.)

I'm sure that by the end of our time together I will a) know a lot more than I now do about hamsters (which won't be any big feat) and b) be very sure that I never want a hamster of my own.

We're heading to Dallas tomorrow for the weekend. It's a dual purpose visit: I'm going up for a dear friend's baby shower and we're going to visit my mom's sister and her lovely husband (Nanny and Papa, as The Geej calls them) and their wonderful mutt, Missy. Aside from the car ride, it should be a fun trip.

Talk to you fools on Sunday.

File Under: Your Cat's a Pussy!

Welcome Google Perverts!!

Ya'll...I'm afraid that Earl may be a...pussy.

Yep. I know, I know... It's a shocker. I'm coming to terms with it too.

Breathe, people. Just breathe.

See, he was a stray. Born of the streets. Scruffy. Unrefined. Ugly.

But I took him in. And I love him.

Slowly he relinquished some of his wild ways, but he still insisted on going outside to eat geckos, corner baby possums, poop in flowerbeds, and nude sunbathe with abandon.

I acquiesced, much to the dismay of my pocketbook. You see, part of the curse of the Pussy cat is that he's a lover, not a fighter. And Earl got his ass kicked six or seven ways from Sunday after we moved to 78731. Apparently, "they didn't like his kind cuz he was a bit to leeeeeeisurely. It seemed (he) was busy doin' somethin' next to nothin', but diff'rent than the day before..."

Oh wait. What the fuck?!

Damn You Prince Rogers Nelson! Damn You!

Okay, so $one grand in vet bills and three years later, we moved to the (apparently) MUCH scruffier 78745 area.

At first, Earl was intrigued by the out-of-doors, even gaining a respectable "I'm a Bad Ass!" injury or two. But suddenly, he said, "No more." He was done. Apparently he received the feline equivalent of a gang jump in, and Mama's Boy didn't want any part of it anymore (Good boy!) For him, going outside was no longer something he had the least bit of interest in.

Now, a year later, he will still sit next to the screen of an open window and sniff for hours, but go outside? Um...no.

Take tonight, for example: He's sitting next to the back screen door, practically screaming to go out (if body language is to believed). So I open the door, and this is what happens:

He's all: "Did you hear that? What the fuck was that?! I mean, do you even...OH SHIT. Fuck this!! I'm going back inside."

And yes, he ran inside immediately and is sleeping all upside-down and shit on the bed right now.

But you know what? My cat is a Pussy. And I'm okay with it.*

*Hello? Does anyone else want a t-shirt with that on it?"

Just plain stuff.

Don't you hate it when there's so much you want to blog about, and there's, literally, no gas left in your tank? My fingers are struggling to type this. (Where's home row? Why do I have to push so hard on these keys? Etc.) And yet...

My lunch with the Other Karla May (OKM) went very well. OKM is a few years older than I, very easy to chat with, a native Texan (although not a refugee from the Pine Curtain like I am), and into and/or directly involved in a lot of the things that intrigue me as well. Theater. Politics. Writing. Graphic design. Food. Organics. Ecological conservation. Music. Keeping Austin weird for real. I liked her a whole lot. I imagine the Karla May meetings will continue. Together, I can imagine we could be quite a force to be reckoned with.

Work is buzzing. There's so much going on. The days are flying by. I've barely had time to catch my breath this week. I love the energy at work right now. But I could also use a breather.

Speaking of, I'm on the verge of planning a trip to the beach with Dah, The Geej and myself. Anyone want to come? I'm thinking a long weekend in early May. Let me know. The more the merrier. Especially where toddlers are concerned.

My toddler proclaimed this evening that she's "two and a half" but that when she's three she wants a party with "ice cream, red icing and pancakes and gum" and that she would love "a tricycle and a hamster and a dog and a kitty." She also gave me her guest list, which included several cats and dogs she knows as well as a few characters from books we read. And Max and Ruby. She wants them there for sure.

I'm dying to hear from my accountant about what's up with my taxes. I know I'm not going to get a windfall like last year's refund, but I'm hoping for at least something. At the very least, I'm praying I don't have to pay. Fucking government with their unjust wars and whatnot. I don't feel like funding that shit any more than I have to.

Many, many other things are floating through my mind, my friends, but I'm way to wiped to share tonight.

Sweet dreams.

Goings on.

So remember when I told ya'll about my most excellent spa day I had on Friday? Well, leave it to me to completely fuck ALL of that up by severely pulling a muscle in my shoulder/neck area Saturday morning. While lying in bed talking on the phone. Yep, that's how cool I am. I mean I fucked it up, big time by doing nothing more physically taxing than holding the phone to my ear. WTF, people?! Is this what getting old is, because if so, I'm not enjoying it one bit.

Had lunch with a friend then went to the grocery store while all hopped up on Aleve. Came home, packed a bag, and headed out to Dah's house for the night. She had these two new bedspreads she was all psyched for me to see. Um...okay. She made a nice dinner and kept heating up in the microwave this weird thing that you can wrap around your aching body parts to give them relief. Between that and the Aleve and the Advil and the wine, my neck started to feel a tiny bit better.

I was very much looking forward to a scorching hot bath in her whirlpool tub, but I managed to fuck that up as well. See, I decided to put like a TEAspoon of bubble bath in there, and when I turned the whirlpool jets on, shit went nuts. It was Bubble City, and to keep it from going over the edges of the tub, I decided to let a bit of the water out. But then I couldn't get the damn tub stopper thing to go back down, and all of the hot, wonderful water drained out before I could get my mom in to help me (humiliating). Finally, we got the stopper thing to work, and I started to fill the tub once more. And guess what: no hot water. Grrrr... Sucked.

My neck's about 50% better now, but I'm still pissed off at my stupid old-ass body.

But here are two things to be happy about:

1)

That is 420 one dollar bills. I've been socking them away for a while now, almost every time I get change back that includes ones, and I finally decided to pull them out of the shoebox and count them. I'm not sure what I'm going to splurge on, but I can promise you it's going to be something fun.

2) As most of you know, my real name is not Karla May. My real name--first and last--is rather unusual. In fact, in my entire lifetime, I've only actually met 3 other people with my first name and 1 other with my last name (who wasn't somehow related). So it's been a weird thing knowing that there's another woman in Austin with my exact same name. I've had all these near-misses with meeting her, and LOTS of confusion of people hearing things about this woman (good things, thank God), and thinking it was me. Last week it happened twice. Two different people at work said things to me about the OTHER Karla May that they thought were attributed to me. So finally, I decided enough is enough: I e-mailed this woman who shares my name, and we're going to finally meet. For lunch. Tomorrow. I can't wait! I've known about her since 1994, so it's high time we met. I hope she understands that, like "The Highlander," there can only be one Karla May.

Sir? Could I interest you in a "Large"?

You know how it feels when you try to shove your size 12 ass into those size 8 jeans?

Yeah...you can probably imagine what happened next.

Spaaaaaaah Day

Really, why can't I have a day like this, say...once every other month? Hmmm? Oh yeah: I can't afford it.

But still...

First hour and a half--Hot stone massage. Oh lordy. Can I just tell you how fucked up I realized my lower back is during this massage? I mean, it's not good.

Next treatment (which took an hour), the avocado body mask--Listen kids, when you get old like me, you skin tends to lose a bit of that natural moisture it used to have in abundance. So basically, you start feeling like and itchy, dried up raisin. Yes, it's as sexy as it sounds. Anyhoo, this whole "winter," I've noticed this particular phenomenon more than ever (thank you surgically-induced menopause!!!), and damn if I haven't been one itchy, flaky mo-fo. So today this gal dry brushes all the sluff off of my skin, then she covers me in this deliciously amazing concoction that "she mixed up this morning" made of fresh avocados, cucumber and pure shea butter. Oh. My. LORD. I smelled like the best salad ever. Then you get wrapped in hot towels and covered neck to foot in a Steamy Wonder (tm), a steam tent that basically cooks you with that wonderful marinade on you. Meanwhile, up north, you're getting a scalp moisturization treatment and massage, and then a mini-facial. Wow. Yes, my skin feels like a 20 year old's right about now.

Finally, a spa pedicure (1 hour). It's sandal weather, people. Screw that "waiting until after Easter" bullshit when you live in Austin. My feet and toes needed their annual "lets get ready to appear in public" dust and shine. It was wonderful, and I even got to read People and Us Weekly while getting pedicurized. Extra bonus!!

After all of this insane luxury, I went and wandered around a book store. When was the last time I did that? God, I don't even know. Which is extra sad when you factor in the fact that I work across the street from one of the best independent bookstores in the country. Sigh. It was delightful, and I got out of there for less than $40.

Next up: Mindless movie. Went to see "Reno 911: Miami" with La Turista and had popcorn, Coke, and Twizzlers for lunch. Yum. The movie's not going to win any Oscars, but it was fun enough.

Went home. Decided to lie down "for a minute." The windows were open, and it was so pleasant. Plus, I was still feeling noodle-y from my spa treatments. Ended up sleeping for 2 1/2 hours. In the same position. Woke up stiff as the tin man and starving.

Started some laundry. Talked to The Geej and Dah. Tried to figure out if there was anything in this house I wanted to eat. Decided there wasn't. Called in an order to my favorite Thai place. Went to pick it up, and they were slammed! It took forever. I saw three people from work, and I looked like hammered/oily/relaxed hell. Oh well.

Came home, talked to Mr. Wonderful. I miss that guy. Ate dinner. Watched "Strangers With Candy." Finished laundry. Balanced checkbook.

Blogged.

See how important you are to me?

But seriously: Why can't I have a day like this once every other month?

Oh yeah...