BEHOLD!! Toby Keith's new "TK Steelman" line of menswear.
I believe their slogan is: "When just being an utter meathead douchebag isn't enough, there's TK Steelman."
Showing posts with label toby fucking keith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toby fucking keith. Show all posts
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Updateafragalistic.
1) The Geej is going commando tonight. It's my first night of trying out the sleeping without the Pull-Up thing. She's dry 99.5% of the time in the mornings, so I figure we may as well try it out. I can't BELIEVE my baby is getting so big.
2) Speaking of, I had a nice Mother's Day. At first, The Geej was in a shitty mood--acting SO two, and pitching a fit at every turn. But then, I made her get back in her bed and tell me when she was ready to "Get up and be happy." And lo and behold, after a few minutes, she got up, and the rest of the day was bliss.
3) After a Saturday morning playdate with Mama Malcontent's young casanova, then Dah came to town, and I was suddenly free to go to Home Depot and do some more garden supply shopping. See, here's the thing: I thought a few weeks ago, "You know, I should really clean out that little bed around the oak in my back yard, and plant something." Well, nearly $300 and many dirty, sweaty hours later, I'm almost finished totally refurbishing my beds and building an entirely new bed to boot. I gardened my arse off on Saturday afternoon, and quickly discovered that I needed at least 3 more bags of mulch. And a new rake. And some other stuff. So even though I'm nearly done, I'm not totally done. When I am, I'll post pictures (but I don't have "before" shots, so prepare to be underwhelmed).
4) After gardening, I got ready for a Big Swanky Party!! Remember a few moons ago when I told ya'll I finally met the lady in town who shares my (fairly unusual) first and last names? Well, long story short, she was beginning a publishing venture that deals with local and sustainable foods, and I happen to work at a company who's got a HUGE focus in that arena, so she asked if I could connect her with some folks "inside" with whom she could build a business partnership. I did, and--next thing I know--I'm being invited to VIP events at mansions in Westlake. Wow.
5) Went to said VIP event that was hosted by Paula. Paula is the "Paula" from this. So there was plenty of that flowing throughout the evening. But you know what? There wasn't much food. And all I'd had to eat was a small Schlotsky's veggie sammich at like 11:30. Then I'd worked out in the hot sun for 3 hours. Then started drinking this:
That's from the website, and they even ADMIT that it sneaks up on you. Boy, did it ever. I was fine (really, I was), until I got into the shuttle to take me back to my car. Then WHOA--I was seriously fucked up. Thank god I had a more sober companion with me to help me out. She had to drive my car, pull over along MoPac to let me hurl, then help me inside once home so that I could curl up with my toilet and nice, cold ceramic bathroom tile. This was all before 10pm, mind you. See: THAT'S what happens when you don't get out much!!
6) Woke up this morning at 7:30. And you know what? I felt fine--absolutely fine. I didn't LOOK great, but I was totally okay. I think getting all that shit outta me, then getting a decent night's sleep certainly helped. Thank goodness I felt okay, b/c it was Mother's Day, my mom was here, and The Geej was being more than a handful.
7) Went shopping at Whole Foods and dropped $144 in 45 minutes.
8) Mom took me to pick up my car at my friend's house (embarassing), then The Geej, friend and I all went to lunch here. Holy crap, people, it was SO damn good! I'd heard and read good things about this place, but just hadn't gone yet. But after today's yumminess and lovely service, I'll be back. Plus, the table next to us ordered the ceviche, and it looked amazing. I wanna eat it. Soon. PLEASE try this place. They're in one of those mysterious "kiss of death" locations that seems like it's awesome, but whatever goes there always fails. They serve breakfast on the weekends, are kid-friendly, have outdoor seating, and a full bar. Go!! Now!! Save them (they were barely busy at during lunch time today)!
9) Came back home and took a righteous nap with The Geej and Earl.
10) Got up and finished planting the rest of my plants and spreading the rest of the mulch I had. And then we watered. I say "we" on purpose. You see, I recently purchased this for The Geej
I know! Isn't it cute?! The gloves say "Little Farmer" on them. Anyway, she's been "helping" me out with my whole Operation Flowerbeds project.
11) I've decided I hate Lindsay Lowhore more than I do Paris Hilton. But I still hate TobyFuckingKeith the most. He's releasing an album this week called "Big Dog Daddy." I can't WAIT to get it!!
12) Melatonin works. Good night!
2) Speaking of, I had a nice Mother's Day. At first, The Geej was in a shitty mood--acting SO two, and pitching a fit at every turn. But then, I made her get back in her bed and tell me when she was ready to "Get up and be happy." And lo and behold, after a few minutes, she got up, and the rest of the day was bliss.
3) After a Saturday morning playdate with Mama Malcontent's young casanova, then Dah came to town, and I was suddenly free to go to Home Depot and do some more garden supply shopping. See, here's the thing: I thought a few weeks ago, "You know, I should really clean out that little bed around the oak in my back yard, and plant something." Well, nearly $300 and many dirty, sweaty hours later, I'm almost finished totally refurbishing my beds and building an entirely new bed to boot. I gardened my arse off on Saturday afternoon, and quickly discovered that I needed at least 3 more bags of mulch. And a new rake. And some other stuff. So even though I'm nearly done, I'm not totally done. When I am, I'll post pictures (but I don't have "before" shots, so prepare to be underwhelmed).
4) After gardening, I got ready for a Big Swanky Party!! Remember a few moons ago when I told ya'll I finally met the lady in town who shares my (fairly unusual) first and last names? Well, long story short, she was beginning a publishing venture that deals with local and sustainable foods, and I happen to work at a company who's got a HUGE focus in that arena, so she asked if I could connect her with some folks "inside" with whom she could build a business partnership. I did, and--next thing I know--I'm being invited to VIP events at mansions in Westlake. Wow.
5) Went to said VIP event that was hosted by Paula. Paula is the "Paula" from this. So there was plenty of that flowing throughout the evening. But you know what? There wasn't much food. And all I'd had to eat was a small Schlotsky's veggie sammich at like 11:30. Then I'd worked out in the hot sun for 3 hours. Then started drinking this:
PAULA’S LEMONADE
This one is so good, it sneaks up on you.
1 part Paula’s Texas Lemon Liqueur
1 part vodka
1 part club soda
Generous squeeze of fresh lemon juice
Mix ingredients and serve over ice.
That's from the website, and they even ADMIT that it sneaks up on you. Boy, did it ever. I was fine (really, I was), until I got into the shuttle to take me back to my car. Then WHOA--I was seriously fucked up. Thank god I had a more sober companion with me to help me out. She had to drive my car, pull over along MoPac to let me hurl, then help me inside once home so that I could curl up with my toilet and nice, cold ceramic bathroom tile. This was all before 10pm, mind you. See: THAT'S what happens when you don't get out much!!
6) Woke up this morning at 7:30. And you know what? I felt fine--absolutely fine. I didn't LOOK great, but I was totally okay. I think getting all that shit outta me, then getting a decent night's sleep certainly helped. Thank goodness I felt okay, b/c it was Mother's Day, my mom was here, and The Geej was being more than a handful.
7) Went shopping at Whole Foods and dropped $144 in 45 minutes.
8) Mom took me to pick up my car at my friend's house (embarassing), then The Geej, friend and I all went to lunch here. Holy crap, people, it was SO damn good! I'd heard and read good things about this place, but just hadn't gone yet. But after today's yumminess and lovely service, I'll be back. Plus, the table next to us ordered the ceviche, and it looked amazing. I wanna eat it. Soon. PLEASE try this place. They're in one of those mysterious "kiss of death" locations that seems like it's awesome, but whatever goes there always fails. They serve breakfast on the weekends, are kid-friendly, have outdoor seating, and a full bar. Go!! Now!! Save them (they were barely busy at during lunch time today)!
9) Came back home and took a righteous nap with The Geej and Earl.
10) Got up and finished planting the rest of my plants and spreading the rest of the mulch I had. And then we watered. I say "we" on purpose. You see, I recently purchased this for The Geej
I know! Isn't it cute?! The gloves say "Little Farmer" on them. Anyway, she's been "helping" me out with my whole Operation Flowerbeds project.
11) I've decided I hate Lindsay Lowhore more than I do Paris Hilton. But I still hate TobyFuckingKeith the most. He's releasing an album this week called "Big Dog Daddy." I can't WAIT to get it!!
12) Melatonin works. Good night!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Just a glimpse.
I've actually been meaning to post about this for a couple of months, but I'm just now getting around to it. (I'm going to go ahead and apologize in advance for the crappiness of my photos. I haven't figured out how to work this high-falutin' camera of mine yet in order to capture truly artsy fartsy images. Bear with me, please.)
Long story short, I went with Jaye to a doctor's appointment, and as we were sitting there waiting (forever) for her doctor to come into the examination room, I discovered this little gem in the stack of totally horrible selections:
Country motherfucking Weekly, ya'll.
Wow.
Could Kenny Chesney look anymore like a smug prick than he does on this cover? God, I want to punch him in the pookah shells.
So THIS is what Bush supporters and NASCAR fans read. Interesting.
Okay, here are the two main things I came away with after exploring the scary pages of this publication:
1.) They've clearly got one Hell of an ad rep. I mean, how well does this publication know its audience?
"Friends are the Highlights of Life" Precious Moments figurines? Are you fucking KIDDING ME?! Why didn't I find this ad BEFORE Christmas. Fuck.
Be thankful that this image is blurry, because the clear reality of this item might cause you to go blind with pure tackiness. Yes friends, "Red Hot Betty is a Red Hat Lady!" And she's teaching fellow "Red Hatters" how to put a little "boop-oop-di-doop" into their stride, even if their stride involves a three-pronged cane or walker. She can be yours for only (I shit you not) $117!! Yep, this is how I want MY grandma spending her fixed income.
"Lovers United by Destiny and Doomed by American Genocide of Their People." How utterly romantic.
Weight loss ad for Medifast.
Weight loss ad for Thinstant.
Weight loss ad for NutriSystem.
No comment.
2) If this guy is representative of a "rising country star," I'm pretty sure that it would be okay to burn Nashville to the ground.
Folks, I'd like to introduce you to Trent "Really. I've got hair under this ever-present doo-rag, just like Brett Michaels and Leif Garrett. I swear!" Tomlinson. Not only was he listed as #8 in the "Country's Hottest Bachelors" section (because he's wasted no time finding his way onto "Country Weekly's" list of "the hubba-hubba hottest"), there's also an in-depth article about this fuckchop tht features photos of him pensively strolling through a graveyard (with his doo-rag on, dontcha know) during the video shoot for his latest single, "One Wing in the Fire," which is apparently a major departure from his rockin' first release, "Drunker Than Me" off of his album Country is my Rock. I think I'm getting nauseous from the overwhelming smell of shit.
Okay, so yeah. There you have it. A glimpse into what happening in commercial country music, brought to us by the brilliant folks over at "Country Weekly" magazine (with help from their advertisers, of course).
Man, am I ever poised for some nightmares tonight.
Long story short, I went with Jaye to a doctor's appointment, and as we were sitting there waiting (forever) for her doctor to come into the examination room, I discovered this little gem in the stack of totally horrible selections:
Country motherfucking Weekly, ya'll.Wow.
Could Kenny Chesney look anymore like a smug prick than he does on this cover? God, I want to punch him in the pookah shells.
So THIS is what Bush supporters and NASCAR fans read. Interesting.
Okay, here are the two main things I came away with after exploring the scary pages of this publication:
1.) They've clearly got one Hell of an ad rep. I mean, how well does this publication know its audience?
"Friends are the Highlights of Life" Precious Moments figurines? Are you fucking KIDDING ME?! Why didn't I find this ad BEFORE Christmas. Fuck.
"A Salute to Hee-Haw" DVD set. Available exclusively at Wal*Mart. Um... I must admit, "Hee Haw" was a regular part of my weekend variety show line-up when I was a wee one. My dad thought Junior Samples was a hoot, dug the "Hee Haw Honeys," and used to declare (with clock-like regularity) that Buck Owens was one of the "ugliest men God ever created." But I also was fed a steady diet of "The Carol Burnet Show," "Flip Wilson," "Sonny and Cher," "Tony Orlando and Dawn," etc. So it was sort of balanced out. But to OWN this? On DVD? So that you can relive the magic over and over and over and BR-549, and over, and over? I think not.
OMG. TFK has a MF movie, ya'll. WTF?!
Ooh! Ooh! Lookie! Checks with "my kind of style!" Finally! Hmm... Choices, choices. Should I get the "Ford Tough" checks or the "Tim McGraw" checks or the "Stars and Stripes" or "Hershey's Best (Collector's Edition)?" Gosh! I just don't know!! Which one of these says I'm not a tasteless, white trash brain donor? None of them? Shoot. Well then I guess I'll go with my old stand-by, the "Affirmations" design that helps me through the day with its positive messages of faith.
Be thankful that this image is blurry, because the clear reality of this item might cause you to go blind with pure tackiness. Yes friends, "Red Hot Betty is a Red Hat Lady!" And she's teaching fellow "Red Hatters" how to put a little "boop-oop-di-doop" into their stride, even if their stride involves a three-pronged cane or walker. She can be yours for only (I shit you not) $117!! Yep, this is how I want MY grandma spending her fixed income."Lovers United by Destiny and Doomed by American Genocide of Their People." How utterly romantic. Weight loss ad for Medifast.Weight loss ad for Thinstant.Weight loss ad for NutriSystem.No comment.
2) If this guy is representative of a "rising country star," I'm pretty sure that it would be okay to burn Nashville to the ground.
Folks, I'd like to introduce you to Trent "Really. I've got hair under this ever-present doo-rag, just like Brett Michaels and Leif Garrett. I swear!" Tomlinson. Not only was he listed as #8 in the "Country's Hottest Bachelors" section (because he's wasted no time finding his way onto "Country Weekly's" list of "the hubba-hubba hottest"), there's also an in-depth article about this fuckchop tht features photos of him pensively strolling through a graveyard (with his doo-rag on, dontcha know) during the video shoot for his latest single, "One Wing in the Fire," which is apparently a major departure from his rockin' first release, "Drunker Than Me" off of his album Country is my Rock. I think I'm getting nauseous from the overwhelming smell of shit.
Okay, so yeah. There you have it. A glimpse into what happening in commercial country music, brought to us by the brilliant folks over at "Country Weekly" magazine (with help from their advertisers, of course).
Man, am I ever poised for some nightmares tonight.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
My eyes! My eyes!
I've written before about how much I loathe this motherfucker: 
GoddamnedmotherfuckingTobyfuckingI'maFordtruckmanKeith.
Anyhoo, I'm channel surfing last night, and I run across a video of his, and I nearly puked. He's gotten on the Kenny Chesney bandwagon (which in and of itself is pathetic enough) and done a song about Mexico, and the chorus is, "What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico." Gee, Toby. THAT'S fucking original. Ugh.
The video was one of those TOTALLY literal, completely unimaginative pieces of shit where there are people acting out the totally literal retarded lyrics while Toby hovers in the background, smirking, smoking a cigar...lounging on a hammock with two braindead bimbos. I'm getting queasy just thinking about it.
I don't hate many people, but him? Him I hate. And our President. And Karl Rove. That guy's a fucking dick. Speaking of dick, I hate Dick Cheney too. And Rumsfeld. Oh, and Celine Dion. She needs to choke on some horsefeed. And Paris Fucking Hilton. I wish she'd get a flesh-eating STD. And...
I guess I DO hate a lot of people. But TobyfuckingKeith--and everything he stands for--is at the top of the whole steaming pile of 'em.
Grrr...
*I have been asked by a blog commentor to explain my extreme anti-Toby stance. Well, here's the deal: More than the man himself, I hate what he stands for. To me, he's the embodiment of dumb, let's go kick some Iraqi ass, no-talent, redneck, overgrown fratboy, play to the lowest common denominator, think they're God's gift to women, knucklehead dickweeds. Think "Larry the Cable Guy," but with a guitar and an endorsement deal with Ford. Plus, he also stands for everything that's wrong with "country" music today.
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