So, yeah. I'm back.

I think it probably goes without saying, but I'm going to do it anyway: It's weird traveling for work.

On the one hand, you're kind of glad to get out of the day-to-day and be able to put yourself in the whole new situation. It makes sure your pistons are firing, if you will.

But on the other hand, you hate all of the bullshit that comes with traveling: packing; getting to the airport; getting checked in; boarding; flying; de-boarding; getting your luggage (if you checked it); getting to the hotel; connecting with your workmates; trying to get online in the hotel room; having awkward conversations with people you don't know simply b/c you're bound by the same industry/purpose/event; etc.

So it can be really fun, and not so fun at the same time.

I think Las Vegas, as a place, sums this idea up nicely.

Fun AND not-so-fun. Elegant AND Trashy--Las Vegas embodies it all.

Here's the good shit that happened during the trip:

Best fucking tempura shrimp appetizer of all time. On my birthday. GAWD ya'll. The batter? Insane. The sauce? Unprecedented. All consumed while we were at a primo table overlooking the strip.

I tried sake for the first time ever, and I liked it.

I got a free Happy Birthday "Bananas Foster" dessert, complete with an "on table fireworks display," which really merits its own posting and had everyone in the entire restaurant looking at our table. Because we were cool like that.

I won $210 on a nickel slot at The Venetian after only putting in $20 to play.

Nothing was stolen from my hotel room, nor was I mugged.

My coworker Paige and I got along famously and solved every problem our company has ever had. It's simple, yo!

So yeah, that was pretty much the good shit that happened.

Now, please allow a little photo essay that really has nothing to do with anything I just wrote:

Vegas, as seen by Karla May. January, 2007.

The view from my room at about 7:30am. What's important to note about this photo, is that it's very typical. The excavation work. The cranes. The sort of TBD land, flanked by either brand new or dying properites. That's typical Vegas. What I love about this particular photo is that this IS Las Vegas. The old. The graveyard. The rebirth. The new. And the really lovely natural landscape that sort of unwillingly holds it in its embrace. Again: Very strange.

What fucking SUCKED about this whole situation is, despite the fact that I was on the 23rd floor, I could still hear--loudly and clearly--the "backup" beeps and the horns honking and the truck engines and all of the other fucking noise that accompanies an effort like this cranking up at--no shit--FIVE A. MOTHERFUCKING M.

I'm sorry: But that's not okay.

Okay, enough bitching. Let me tell you what what FAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS about our trip:

We stayed at a craptacular hotel at the ass end of The Strip. But the great thing about the place, was how hard they're still trying despite the fact that the fangs of death are trained on their jugulars.

My travelmate needed coffee. There wasn't as Starbucks within at least 1/2 mile of this place (which only reinforces how craptacular it was), so we had to make due with "Jitters." So we would go there in the mornings before our conference sessions to feed her addiction. Jitters was next to a fascinating kiosk called "Dazzles." At different times, Paige and I remembered it as "Dingles" and/or "Drizzles," which cracked us up completely. But I digress... Here is just a tiny sample of what Dazzles had to offer the discerning shopper:

SO hot. I like how the "Christ is King" pin and the "Oh Shit" and "Bitch" pins peacefully coexist in this tasteful display. I wanted to buy a bunch of these as presents for MY bitches, but they were $11 a piece! WTF? I wonder when the last time was that Dazzles actually sold anything.

I really, really wanted one of those tiaras. You know, to wear to work until they told me that I couldn't anymore. I really want them to HAVE to create a "no tiara" policy because of me. That could be my legacy. But again, way too expensive for the shit that it was.

This Harley was on display at Treasure Island. It was custom made by that father and son team who have that show and are always yelling at each other. My shiteous camara didn't capture how cool it truly was. Anyway, it was parked next to these dollar slots that if you played, you had a chance to win this sucker. Yeah, right. The fountain show in front of The Bellagio. It really IS lovely and pretty amazing to watch. This display was to "Hey Big Spender" from Sweet Charity. Very cool.

I know this one's hard to see, but that's me shoving my coworkers head into the lion's mouth at the bronze Siegfried and Roy statue/bust. Poor taste? Yes. But it got the Japanese tourists around us to chuckling.

Okay, yet ANOTHER terrible store in our awful hotel. How fucking CREEPY are these dolls? Especially the one on the far right who looks like she's blissed out on acid? Again I ask: When was the last time they actually sold one of these fuckers?

Same fucked up store. Wait! Those thumbsucking dolls were only $23.99?! Damnit!! I should've bought all four of them and had them sitting with me in my seat on the airplane. Those tires to the right? Clocks. Klassy, no?

So that's pretty much my trip in a nutshell: I lost at the craps table. I broke even at the slots. I ate some good food. I looked at some weird shit.

I'm glad to be home in my smoke-free, no gaming environment.