Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Welcome to My Nightmare, Part 2*.

Thanks to the fabulous Mags for this loverly meme.

Let's see what it's like in my hell, shall we?

Drinks in my hell:
Red Bull
Wheatgrass shots
Diet Coke (or any diet drinks for that matter)
Sweet tea (you know, the kind you order in southern restaurants or at Milo's)
Bongwater (not technically a drink, but still...eww.)

Food in my hell:
Burnt microwave popcorn
Bleu cheese
Thousand Island dressing
Butterscotch anything

Occupations in my hell:
Maid at a frat house
Person who picks up roadkill
Toby Keith’s road manager
Line worker at a slaughterhouse
Whitehouse Press Secretary under George Bush
The nurse at the pediatrician’s office whose only job is to give babies and kids shots
Road construction worker in Texas in August
Person who has to clean out port-a-potties after some big music festival
Rodent exterminator

Music mix in my hell:
Big and Rich
post-Van Halen David Lee Roth
Norwegian death metal
Anything sung by Elmo

President in my hell:

Only author in my hell:
Anne Coulter

Husbands in my hell:
A chain-smoking hardcore born-again Christian active military sexist/racist republican jack off with a Napoleon complex
Kevin Federline
Robin Williams
Tom Arnold

Only activities allowed in my hell:
Shopping for bathing suits
Getting bitten by mosquitoes or other types of bugs (horseflies, chiggers, spiders, etc.)
Putting away laundry
Having a gynecological exam
Dealing with car trouble
Standing in line at the Social Security office
Doing my own taxes
Sitting in traffic
Cleaning out the garage. In August. In Texas.
Packing to move or for a trip
Putting together furniture from IKEA

*The original "Welcome to My Nightmare" can be found here.


La Turista said...

Will you just quit the charade and admit that you want to marry Toby?! The one you hit the hardest is the one you love the most - that's like, Flirting 101.

And how about having to listen to a mix of Celine and Slip Knot while cleaning out a road crew port-a-potty in August (in your bathing suit) after the guys had a lunch of beets, veal, and buttermilk? And you've got to hurry because your husband Tom Arnold is waiting for you at home, covered in chigger bites and whacking off to an Ann Coulter interview.

Karla May said...

Oh. God. I'm pretty sure I'm about to hurl. Thanks a lot, La Turista. I owe you one.

Mommygoth said...

Maid at a frat house, mother of god. Nothing could be worse.

Nap Queen said...

Isn't anything related to Toby Keith in everybody's hell? No? Hmmmm. Perplexing.

I'm with you on the licorice, beets and veal. Nastola. Oh, and maid at a frathouse? *shudder*

That is SOOOO weird about that Mandy dog on the Blue Dog site. If you ever do decide to get a dog, they're a great organization to adopt from. They let you have the dog for a "home visit" where you keep it for a weekend or longer to make sure it fits in with your family before you make a decision. With 3 cats and 2 dogs we certainly can't have any more until we win the lottery.

amamgets said...

The only thing worse than burnt microwave popcorn is the smell that won't ever leave again.

And so our last microwave went to the great beyond.

HollowSquirrel said...

Oh la turista...I'm trying to eat breakfast.

Hilarious list. Yes and Yes and HELL YES on the GWB OMG WTF.

GoingLoopy said...

Once upon a time, I had a roommate. And a nice microwave. And the roommate put a bag of popcorn in said microwave with the timer on way too long and left. The popcorn not only caught on fire. The inside of the microwave went from white to brown, and the turntable cracked in half. Since I was a poor college student at the time, I had this microwave for at least four more years.

Karla said...

My grandmother LOVED beets and served them at every meal she cooked.


La Turista, you are obviously a very sick individual. We've GOT to go drinking more often.....

note to word verification people: Hello! I'm old and have bad eyes and I can't READ that fucking thing you want me to enter!

Mrs. Fantasy said...

You rule! Simple as that.

Eileen the Jellomonster said...

Holy hell, I forgot about Ann Coulter. She *is* evil.

And the maid in a frat house occupation frightens me to my very core.