This is a little slice of heaven. It's one of those low water crossings you see when you're driving around in the Hill Country. 
They're everywhere. They call to you. They say, "Stop. Get out of your car. Come, get cool." 
And so you go to them, hoping for some relief from the brutal Texas summer.
But once you get out and get closer to (what you hope will be) the pristine, cool, clear water, you start to notice some things. Things like empty Sonic cups, dirty discarded diapers, plastic forks, an empty tube of toothpaste, an empty chip bag, a couple of eaten corn cobs, plastic shopping bags, ziplocs, sunscreen containers, a Whataburger bag, lots and lots of cigarette butts, styrofoam containers that once held fishing bait, many empty soda and beer cans and bottles (a large number of which had been shoved into the hollow center of a majestic cypress tree), and--the most amazing thing of all--a very large, very fresh human turd. That's right people: A large, long, stinky log of shit.
I was just beyond amazed. Who ARE these fucktards? Did their parents raise them to think that leaving this shit (literally) behind in a place like this is acceptable behavior? Haven't they ever heard the goddamned phrase, "Don't Mess With Texas" for pete's sake? Maybe they should change the phrase to be a bit more specific to say, "Don't Shit on Texas" for the stupid dickwads who don't understand the meaning of the word "mess."
God, I wanted to take the jackass who took that dump and rub his fucking face in it like a bad puppy. I mean, how did that even happen? "Hey bro, I'm having a really nice time swimming, but I've got to take a righteous crap. Right here on the banks of the water should be fine, dontcha think? There's already tons of other trash here, so my enormous pile of putrid feces won't really make much of a difference, right? Let me just toss my empty Bud Light can into that tree trunk, toss this cigarette into the water, and adjust my backward baseball cap, pookah shell necklace, and wraparound shades before I get to it."
Yes, I'm stereotyping, but who cares? An asshole is an asshole, and I've seen my fair share who fit the description I just gave, so I'm sticking to it.
And while we're talking about assholes, here's an open letter inspired by this morning's commute to work:
Dear Small-penised Wonder in the Ridiculously Huge Ford Pickup Halfway Up my Tailpipe,
Back the fuck off. And quit making those "What the fuck?!" gestures with your hands because you think I'm going too slow. I was going 65 in rush hour traffic, and last time I checked, the speed limit where we were driving was, you guessed it, 65. And I was going at least 15 mph faster than the tool in the other lane, so you should've just chilled. I had a damn toddler in the car, damnit! Didn't you see her waving her little stuffed bunny in the air?
Here's what I wish for you, cocksucker. I hope that you ram that truck of yours into a tree somewhere while you're hauling ass to get around someone you think is going too slow. I hope you total that truck and seriously injure yourself--and only yourself. I hope the airbag doesn't work, and that the steering column goes into your crotch and turns you into a woman.
Go to Hell,
Karla May
Can you tell it's been a rough week?
6 comments:
Oh yes. Oh yes. And here's the really interesting thing - when I was a kid it was almost UNHEARD of to see any trash in Hunt. Whatsoever. And now, every time we go to the river, we take giant trash bags and fill them completely with beer cans. It makes me sick.
SOMETIMES you hate people? Dude, come over to the dark side with me and hate them ALL the time. You'll feel better, and they deserve it.
Oh, I totally understand. Earlier today, I was pumping gas, and stepped in chewing gum. What shithead thought it was acceptable to spit one's gum on the ground? Especially since it was less than a foot from the goddamned garbage can?
I love that first picture you posted... it looks almost like animal legs and claws. Very cool.
That is disgusting and sad. I grew up going camping every summer and swimming in lakes, creeks and rivers. That pisses me the fuck off. I hope someone takes a dump in his/her yard.
Right ON, girl!
Love the open letter to the asshole driver. There are a lot of people in this world who need to have their licenses suspended -- and then dragged out of their cars and beaten senseless. I'm not religious, but I do believe in a non-mystical form of karma: People who act like assholes in turn get treated like shit because they put off such a negative vibe -- but unfortunately, they can't make the logical connection, and they go through life wondering why things don't go their way.
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