Saturday, February 11, 2006

Welcome to my nightmare.

You know, even though I'm like 80 years old, I realize at least some of the shit that little girls have to deal with being raised in this day and age. I get it. I saw "Thirteen." I read the news. I've seen what's for sale at Limited Too and Delia's. But nothing--NOTHING--had prepared me for what I saw on the shelves in the toy aisle at Super Target today.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to downfall of civilization and about 1,000 steps backward for feminism: the My Bling Bling dolls. Because I guess the goddamned Bratz weren't trashy and slutty enough... Now you have this:

And this:

And this: The manufacturer review on the site has the balls to say the following: "The My Scene My Bling Bling dolls are all blinged out and ready to party! Each doll is dripping in faux diamonds and faux jewel-encrusted clothing from head to toe. Each doll comes with a hot outfit, a glamorous side fashion, and tons of bling-themed piece count like a fun purse, a cell phone, and make-up. Each doll comes with a totally sparkly bling ring for the girl! "

Ready to party?!! More like, ready for her amateur porn debut.

Barbie had Ken. I wonder if the "My Bling Bling" hos come with "Twitchin' Jimmy, The Angry Pimp." I can see it now: instead of the 3 story townhouse that my 70s-era Barbie had, I bet they come up with the "V.I.P. Room, complete with Cristal and Rohypnol" set. Instead of the Corvette, these bitches roll in the H2 with phat 32" platinum spinners.

My Bling Bling Barbie, now: With "Brazilian Waxing Kit!!"

I bet her cell phone has the STD clinic on speed dial, and don't you just know her coochie is pierced.

I am really, really disturbed people. I can see fucking Britney Spears buying this for her kidz, but who the hell else thinks this is okay to buy for their daughters?

Stare into the cold, dead eyes of horror:

Barbie! Get thee to a nunnery!!


Jules said...

I took Leah's Bratz doll away when I found that it had on a thong... yes, not only was it wearing a hoochie momma length skirt, it had a THONG and it was MESH. I told her it looked like a skank with no self worth.

Thanks for that, Stepmom! And you wonder why your high school dropout son is married to a stripper....

Karla said...

and i thought I was risque with my Hawaiian Barbie that came with long black hair and ...gasp...a bikini and a grass skirt?

These are HORRIBLE.

Badger said...

Oh fuck. You KNOW my girl child is going to want one. Now I can't take her shopping at Target anymore until she's 21.

Bookhart said...

I'm speechless. These are HORRIFYING. They're not really called My Bling Bling, are they?

(later) I went and checked. They are.

And Bratz dolls wear thongs? That's just NOT RIGHT.

I've been listening to the Sex Pistols all days and suddenly the line "We're the future, YOUR future" is giving me the shivers.

Millardman said...

Girl! If it's too short you're too old baby! Don't you watch "The Flava of Love"? 'Sup wichu?

Lee said...

Man, I hear you. My older daughter had some of these (I think they came in her McDonald's Happy Meal) and after I bitched long enough, Margaret finally made sure they disappeared. And I'm not exactly the prudish type.

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