My Rock Star Past*

*I actually have no so-called "rock star past." But feel free to keep reading.

Back in the early 90s you may remember that there was this thing going on in music called "grunge." A simultaneous offshoot of grunge was the Riot Grrrl movement. My band, I See Blue, was the ultimate combination of both genres. We were the perfect embodiment of the time...of what both musical efforts were trying to achive...but, alas, we were never given the critical notice and acclaim of Nirvana or Pearl Jam, and were never given the "hoist the horns" rock salute that our sisters in Bikini Kill and Bratmobile received. Why? Well, because we never actually existed.

I was lead singer/screamer, and my stage name was "Wynona." My partner in crime was my bass player--stage name: "Fiona." That was our whole band--just her, the bass, my tambourine, and me.

Here we are on a promo photo shoot on this guy's boat who had a LOT of heroin and blow. (That's me on th left, looking particularly snarly.)Hey...it was the 90s. Our band name actually came out of this photo shoot. We saw how "icy" our stares looked in the proofs, and decided to go with a play on the word "icy" and ended up with "I See Blue." I'm pretty convinced that our cheesy band name is the reason we never got famous. Because we were hot (obviously!), and we had a spare-but-innovative band set up (seeing as how we really had only one instrument being played), and we wrote some GREAT songs in my garage.

• Some of the titles were:
  Dude, I'm Done. Leave.
  Fuck Me. Tax Me. What's the Difference?
  Daddy was a Drinker
  I Ain't Shavin', So Deal
  Rock and Roll that Joint, Mother Fucker
  Wet Spot Blues
  Gimme a Dildo, I'm Gonna Fuck Morrissey
  Bundt Cakes and Lobotomies (Life in Suburbia)
  Liquor Dick Dumbass
  Mini Mart MoFo (Why You Gotta Hassle?)
  Don't Expect Me to Remember Who You Are

I mean, you can tell, right? We were fucking HUGE!! Or should've been. Except that we never actually existed. But you would've bought the album. I know you would've...

(As you can tell, I have a very rich fantasy life.)