Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Call the loony bin: My mom's done gone nuts.

I was stuck in traffic on the way home from work/Geej-fetching, and decided to call my mom for a chat. Almost immediately, she informed me that she's decided to join...wait for it...wait for it...A FUCKING DRILL TEAM FOR OLD LADIES!! And not only is it a drill team for old ladies, but these old ladies are REPUBLICANS and they all carry TOILET PLUNGERS...just to be wacky.

Behold: The Plungettes.

"A high-stepping, boot scootin' sisterhood with a crowd pleasing routine, the Plungettes enjoy what they do."

I'm-

I'm sp-

I'm speechless, ya'll.

She tells me that they do cool stuff...they go on trips (to Republican fundraisers, mind you), they have practices, and they "get silly" (whatever the hell that means). They hold their rehearsals out at some old bitty's ranch and she has exotic animals (like water buffalo and zebras). She assures me that they're a legit deal, and she knows this because among their ranks, they have former members of the Kilgore Rangerettes and the Tyler Apache Belles. As if that somehow makes this LESS goofy.

Oh. My. God.

I thought it was extreme when she started taking yoga. But this? I'm seriously considering having her committed.

If she joins the goddamned Red Hat Society, I'm disowning her.

9 comments:

Jaye Joseph said...

I'm going to watch her perform, oh yes I am. And you can't stop me.

Badger said...

HAHAHAAAA! OMG. I was going to say "it's better than that damn Red Hat Society", but you beat me to it.

You're going to HAVE to join roller derby now. You know that, right? It's only fair.

littlemissme said...

That is the funniest thing I have seen in quite a while. Plungers? I will have to let my grandmother know. She already owns the white sneakers and shorty socks.

Mama Malcontent said...

I can't wait to see her high steppin' at one of Uncle Mean's Freedom Rallies in Marble Falls or Aquaboom in Kingsland.

amamgets said...

HAHAHAHAAHAAAHEEEE! Lordy Lordy-- dontcha just love family? The whole fam-damly of them?

Jules said...

I can't wait for her to bring home a Plungers fan Repub boyfriend!

Karla said...

OHmy effing god that is hilarious!

You TOTALLY have to join the roller derby. For DAMN sure. It's all about balance.

One benefit: You and your mom will never have a problem with stopped up toilets again!

But if she joins the red hats? Find another babysitter first, then shoot her. It's a shame, but you must.

Karla said...

and one more thing: am I the only one seeing the irony of a republican group using plungers as their symbol? I mean, they are so full of shit they need plungers not only metaphorically but literally? Sheesh!

Your mom excluded, of course......

Anonymous said...

Does she have to expose her butt crack like plumbers?

--A.M.