There are few things more hypnotizing to me than the lipstick aisles at Ulta. I can, literally, spend the better part of an hour contemplating "Sahara Sunrise" and "Berry Sexy." And don't preach: I know this stuff is tested on animals and isn't good for you or P.C., but I simply cannot help it. I'm an addict, and it goes waaaaaaaaay back.
When my dad was trying to get out of paying child support (which he did vigorously until I was 18), he used to give me his J.C. Penney credit card (instead) at the beginning of the school year, and tell me I could spend $250. Well, I was too big of a snob to even THINK about purchasing any clothes at Jaques Penays, so I would spend almost every dime at the makeup counter (the rest of it, I'd buy underwear, nighties, socks, and shit like that). But even then, I didn't go for the higher end make up--I wanted quantity. Fuck quality. I'd just load up with as many eyeshadows, blushes and lipsticks that credit card could handle. But mainly, it was lipsticks.
It's not my addiction that's strange though. I know others with the same weakness. What's strange is my application technique, and the resulting damage it inflicts upon my crappy lipsticks. This photo shows the evolution from a relatively new tube (on the left), to one at the bitter end of its life (on the right):
This takes mad skills, folks. What I do is apply to both the upper and lower lip simultaneously. I'm sure it saves me loads of time (not). Lets look a little closer, shall we?
How goofy looking is that? It must look pretty strange to the unitiated, because every time someone sees me apply for the first time and gets a look at the strange shape of my lipstick, they ALWAYS comment.
I'm a freak.