Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Lipstick Post; Or, How I Prove to you Once Again That I'm a Total Weirdo

No one should have this many crappy, drug store lipsticks. But I do.

There are few things more hypnotizing to me than the lipstick aisles at Ulta. I can, literally, spend the better part of an hour contemplating "Sahara Sunrise" and "Berry Sexy." And don't preach: I know this stuff is tested on animals and isn't good for you or P.C., but I simply cannot help it. I'm an addict, and it goes waaaaaaaaay back.

When my dad was trying to get out of paying child support (which he did vigorously until I was 18), he used to give me his J.C. Penney credit card (instead) at the beginning of the school year, and tell me I could spend $250. Well, I was too big of a snob to even THINK about purchasing any clothes at Jaques Penays, so I would spend almost every dime at the makeup counter (the rest of it, I'd buy underwear, nighties, socks, and shit like that). But even then, I didn't go for the higher end make up--I wanted quantity. Fuck quality. I'd just load up with as many eyeshadows, blushes and lipsticks that credit card could handle. But mainly, it was lipsticks.

It's not my addiction that's strange though. I know others with the same weakness. What's strange is my application technique, and the resulting damage it inflicts upon my crappy lipsticks. This photo shows the evolution from a relatively new tube (on the left), to one at the bitter end of its life (on the right):

This takes mad skills, folks. What I do is apply to both the upper and lower lip simultaneously. I'm sure it saves me loads of time (not). Lets look a little closer, shall we?

How goofy looking is that? It must look pretty strange to the unitiated, because every time someone sees me apply for the first time and gets a look at the strange shape of my lipstick, they ALWAYS comment.

I'm a freak.


Badger said...

Okay, the application thing is kind of freaky, I'll give you that. But multiply the number of lipsticks you have by like 20 or 50 or so, and that's how many crappy drugstore lipsticks I have.

It's my crack, you know.

La Turista said...

You ARE a freak - and not just because of your lipstick thing.

Mama Malcontent said...

I vividly remember you whipping out a tube at the Black Cat and doing your little trick with the lipstick.

My thoughts at the time:

1. well, that's efficient

2. dudes must dig the subtle suggestion of fellatio

3. she's a freak, but a fun freak!

Kristen said...

My lipsticks end up with exactly the same weird point but I don't apply top and bottom at the same time. I wonder cumulatively how much time that has saved you?

And I'm sure it was very, very helpful to your mom that you had your fill of lipsticks.

Karla said...

I pretty much thought the exact same thing that Mama Malcontent did when I saw you do that the first time. But you'd be a freak whether you did that or not.

which is why I love you.

Nap Queen said...

Okay, I'm cracking up because I have just as many drugstore lipsticks as you, and my mom's lipsticks get worn down just like yours. Freaky.

StillWater said...

Wow! Semi permanent make up has alot of uses! But did you know that a woman consumes over 4 to 9 lbs of lipstick in her lifetime! Here is the link that I found that shows all of the research: