Hi there. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind returning my angelic daughter and taking back this Hellspawn you've replaced her with. I mean, a joke's a joke, and I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next sinner, but hey: It's reeeeeeeeeeeeally not funny anymore. This "child" that currently resides with me is, well, sort of evil. My real daughter was never like this--hitting classmates constantly and on purpose, willfully breaking things, screaming like a banshee for 30 minutes at bedtime, throwing food on the floor and spitting it out of her mouth like she did when she was 10 mos. old. The only way I can explain this sudden and complete change in personality is due to your tomfoolery and hoodwinkery and general mischief making. So please: give me a break and return my sweet baby girl. It'll free you up to go start some useless wars or spread some plague somewhere.