Friday, June 16, 2006

Dear Satan,

Hi there. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind returning my angelic daughter and taking back this Hellspawn you've replaced her with. I mean, a joke's a joke, and I enjoy a good laugh as much as the next sinner, but hey: It's reeeeeeeeeeeeally not funny anymore. This "child" that currently resides with me is, well, sort of evil. My real daughter was never like this--hitting classmates constantly and on purpose, willfully breaking things, screaming like a banshee for 30 minutes at bedtime, throwing food on the floor and spitting it out of her mouth like she did when she was 10 mos. old. The only way I can explain this sudden and complete change in personality is due to your tomfoolery and hoodwinkery and general mischief making. So please: give me a break and return my sweet baby girl. It'll free you up to go start some useless wars or spread some plague somewhere.

Hoping,
Karla May

8 comments:

La Turista said...

Now, now, mama. Baby girl is entitled to express herself, and screaming bloody murder and trashing the place are her ways of telling you, "I'M TWO! I'M TWO! You ain't seen nothin' yet! HAHAHAHA!"

Nap Queen said...

Kudos to you for using tomfoolery and hoodwinkery in one post. Bravo! Well played!

Karla said...

Uh oh.....pasgettios.

Jules said...

Oh my, it's long been established that's she's very strong willed. And she's too dang smart for her almost two year old self- that combination of uber intelligence and iron will will serve her well as an adult- if you both can make it that long.

Chant the mantra- this too will pass. As I've said before, she knows so much more than she can communicate right now. I think that's the source of her envier.

Badger said...

I was going to ask if she was coming up on two.

Assuming this IS a case of two-itis, I have good news and bad news. You aren't getting her back, the child you had before this. That's the bad news. The GOOD news is that the kid you'll have after the demon spawn has vacated the premesis (and she will eventually, I promise) will be TEN TIMES MORE FUN to hang out with. Seriously. You will be able to have actual conversations with her. Her sense of humor will amaze and delight you. And she'll come up with these questions and observations that will just blow you away.

That's the reward you get for not throttling her in the meantime.

mw said...

I located Satan and said he'd get back to you as soon as he can. As you can see here (3rd one down the page) he's been busy racing.

DeAnn said...

Hey Marla,
I was talking to Christie today and she gave me the address for your blog...I am laughing hysterically. You certainly have a way with words. Would love to catch up with you...looks like life is treating you good!!

DeAnn Fowler Bodey
deann_bodey@hughes.net

Mags said...

The Older Girl was two, but not just any ordinary two. She was two from 18 months to four years old.

There are tantrums ahead. Many tantrums. This is when the smarter children (if I do say so myself; that's just my opinion, but I like it, and am keeping it that way) start to establish their independence. They are NOT YOU, and they DO NOT WANT to be told who they are, damnit.

If you have not read "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka yet, you really should do so now. (Every parent should; "spirited" children or not.) It's a fantastic child-rearing manual, and it really, really helped us get a handle on OG's personality, and how it is similar to and different from our own. The very personality traits that make "spirited" children so hard to deal with are positive when they become adults - independence, persistence, ambition, energy, drive - and the book reminded us of that. (And, it helped OG to actually live to age six. Six is much, much better.)