Remember when you heard that they were doing a movie version of "The Dukes of Hazzard" staring that dude who gets hit in the nuts on purpose on MTV, and that other dude who boned "Stiffler's mom" in that one movie and was in that other movie with that young doof who married Demi Moore who had that show on MTV where he "punked" people and that blonde chick with the big tits who had that show on MTV where she didn't know the difference between chicken and tuna and fish? And remember when the news that millions of dollars were going to the production of this movie made you queasy because you thought about how fucking stupid MTV is and about much that movie money would mean to say, to people suffering in the Sudan...or people rebuilding from the Tsunami...or people in our own country who can't afford the medicine or food they need to survive? And remember how all of that made you want to go into a dark closet and cry, but instead you just muttered to yourself in your best Charles Whitman psycho-waiting-to-happen grumble, "Ingenuity is dead"? Remember that?
Well, my friend. Do I have some happy news for you. The ingenious folks at the Rebel Winery in the great state of Oregon have used their creative juices (and the juice of thousands of bunches of grapes) to invent the greatest single thing to emerge in this New Millennium.
May I humbly present to you: Bandit brand Juice Boxes for Adults* (available at your local Whole Foods Market for $9.99:
Cabernet Savignon also available.
* Tag line: "Wine snob tested. Mother Earth approved."