Friday, June 09, 2006

Ingenuity is dead. Long live Ingenuity!

Remember when you heard that they were doing a movie version of "The Dukes of Hazzard" staring that dude who gets hit in the nuts on purpose on MTV, and that other dude who boned "Stiffler's mom" in that one movie and was in that other movie with that young doof who married Demi Moore who had that show on MTV where he "punked" people and that blonde chick with the big tits who had that show on MTV where she didn't know the difference between chicken and tuna and fish? And remember when the news that millions of dollars were going to the production of this movie made you queasy because you thought about how fucking stupid MTV is and about much that movie money would mean to say, to people suffering in the Sudan...or people rebuilding from the Tsunami...or people in our own country who can't afford the medicine or food they need to survive? And remember how all of that made you want to go into a dark closet and cry, but instead you just muttered to yourself in your best Charles Whitman psycho-waiting-to-happen grumble, "Ingenuity is dead"? Remember that?

Well, my friend. Do I have some happy news for you. The ingenious folks at the Rebel Winery in the great state of Oregon have used their creative juices (and the juice of thousands of bunches of grapes) to invent the greatest single thing to emerge in this New Millennium.

May I humbly present to you: Bandit brand Juice Boxes for Adults* (available at your local Whole Foods Market for $9.99:
Cabernet Savignon also available.

* Tag line: "Wine snob tested. Mother Earth approved."

9 comments:

Badger said...

Okay, first of all, what the FUCK is a company called Rebel Winery doing in OREGON?

Second of all, no pinot noir?

Third of all, with my luck I'd get all confused and pack these in the kids' lunches. Hey, maybe they'd sleep better. You never know.

Jaye Joseph said...

Seriously? Seriously, who let those through purchasing? Really, I want to know.

And then, I would like to try one.

hsien-ko said...

dat sh!t is da bomb! seriously, that's similar to what's available at college cafeterias in italy.

amamgets said...

Please tell me they hold LOTS more liquid than juice boxes...

DoodleUnit said...

I loved the Dukes of Hazzard when I was a kid. It's really sad that the deputy's name was Anus and that their mechanic's name was Cooter. I'm afraid that the original nomenclature was a harbinger of ingenuity's doom.

Bookhart said...

Do they come with the little straws? For real?

Mags said...

So getting me some of those. I want to take them to the pool.

(Can you imagine telling the little adolescent lifeguards, "No, honey, they're MOM juice boxes. Totally OK. Look, no glass, see? Run off now, buh-bye.")

Word verification is "fkkuysa" - fuck USA? Is that some sort of World Cup thing? (The USA got fucked, pretty badly, I understand. Looks like it worked.)

Mrs. Fantasy said...

I'm taking those to the beach over 4th of July! Baby will have his squeeze box and I will have mine. Screw cabana boys! This is genius and convenient. No more sharp freakin' wine bottle openers lost in the sand. Hooray!

Holly Wood said...

Yeah they are HERE!
The juice boxes!
I bought those in Italy ...um... 1 euro for 3 pack in merlot. Packed as many as I could get in my suitcase AND my carry on. That one glass of wine I purchased in coach class lasted for HOURS!!
best part fold up container! hee,hee