A Perfect Storm

Today I was catching up on a blog I enjoy, and the post I was reading was mostly photos of a camelia bush...a bird's nest...and some amazingly bright blue robin's eggs in the nest. So simple and perfect. So gorgeous and symbolic of spring. And suddenly, I started crying.

It was kind of like yesterday when I drove myself home early from work in a weird mental haze, feeling drugged without actually being drugged. It was all I could do to drag myself into the house and to the bed, utterly fatigued and unhinged and crying and apologizing to BH for being such a mess.

I'd figured out at some point yesterday that this horrible feeling was very familiar--it's exactly like I'd felt after I got my thyroid removed and before I'd started my synthetic hormone replacement. I called my endocrinologist and told them what was going on, and now I've got to go get blood work done to see if I need my meds adjusted. If my thyroid levels come back within normal range, I guess we'll just chalk all of this up to me being nuts, which would be a surprise to exactly no one.

So combine this weird hypothyrodism bullshit with the whole root canal drama from last week (that continues tomorrow with Part Two of my dental appointment), the fact that I busted the FUCK out of my arm by falling into my nightstand last Thursday night when I got out of bed in the middle of the night to go pee (I mean, y'all should SEE my arm...it's sick), all of the weird shit going on at home, and the fact that I have to go to fucking JURY DUTY next week when I am waaaaaaaaaay too busy to be out of the office right now, and I am one gigantic ball of stress.

Blech.

But lest you think that I am all gloom and doom these days, there are good things going on too:

Got to spend some quality time with some of my favorite people this past weekend--my friends Josh, Michelle, and their daughter Ruby who were visiting from Portland, OR. We ate vegan treats and swam in the river. The Geej and Ruby played and had a blast. It was wonderful.

Throwing rocks.

The Pedernales

I get to see my friend Stacy (from Atlanta) in San Antonio in a couple of weekends. I'll be staying in a hotel! By myself!! Whoot!

I got tickets to see Nick Offerman (a.k.a. Ron Swanson) during the Moontower Comedy Festival.

I'm also going to see Jeff Mangum, mastermind behind one of my favorite albums of all time: Neutral Milk Hotel's "In An Aeroplane Over the Sea."

Work is rocking. I'm busier and happier than I've been in a long time, and the team I'm on is amazing.

So you know, there's that stuff...

Oh Hai!

You don't want to hear how busy I've been and about how work has been kicking my butt. You want Karla May updates, and that's what I intend to provide, randomalia style.

So without further ado...

It's been a long time since I've been addicted to a reality show, but I am SO in to "So You Think You Can Dance". Yes, I know it's the 7th season, so I'm a wee bit late to the party, but I am completely sucked in. And what's even sicker is that The Geej is right there with me--watching "The Dancing Show", voting for our favorites, and getting sad when people get eliminated. And now that Alex is out of there, it's really anyone's game.

Another thing I got totally sucked in to? The World Cup. This is totally BH's fault. He plays soccer twice a week, and I often join in when he's watching games on the Fox Soccer channel (yes, Fox has a channel totally devoted to soccer). We've even gone to a couple of Austin Aztex games, which are a fun way to spend a family evening. Anyway, he's never "for" any of the teams in the games he watches. He just wants for there to be good play. And this is the difference between the soccer fan and those who find soccer boring andd pointless. So I've gotten into the whole "watching for the sport of it" with him over the past couple of years while he has taught me about the rules, fouls, etc. So OMG, was I ever ready for the World Cup when it began. And between fifa.com and the fact that my place of employment was showing games on the big screen TVs in a conference room during the entire tournament, I was pretty much hooked. Four years from now, I plan to be even MORE hooked.

Tomorrow I leave for The Most Funnest Weekend Ever, Round Two. This time, there's a new character in the cast (a gal I've never met named Michelle), so even more wackiness should ensue althought I cannot promise there will be aggressive flauting. But I will be praying for it. Believe me. And y'all, this break could NOT come at a better time. Yes, I'm swamped at work (which sucks b/c I know I'm going to walk right back into a veritable shit storm when I get back to work on Monday), but mentally, I needed out of there. Like now. I plan on doing nothing that requires any brainpower whatsoever this entire weekend.

I've got New House Fever. However, we are a) not ready to put our house on the market, b) it's a crappy time to put a house like ours (3/2 starter home) on the market b/c there's too much inventory and c) we need to get going in the new school year to truly understand what our budget's going to be, so, long story short--no new house for Karla May any time soon. But OMG I'm DYING to get into a new space that's more suited to what we need. This November will mark my 5 yr. anniversary of being at this address, and I am just ready for a change and for a place that BH and I decide upon TOGETHER. But I'm going to have to wait, and anyone who knows me knows that patience is not a virtue of mine.

I signed up for a writing workshop this fall with the insanely talented Ms. Spike Gillespie. I cannot wait.

Also? I really really really want to take an improv class. I recently went and watched my hyper-talented friend Irene in an improv performance and left invigorated and inspired. The questions are: When will I be able to work this into my insane schedule?; and, Am I brave enough? I really don't have the answers to either of those right now.

They're changing my thyroid hormone replacement meds prescription again. When my bloodwork came back this week, it showed that I still wasn't within what's considered "normal" ranges, although I was much closer than I'd been the last time I'd had my TSH levels checked. So, they're upping my dosage and--fingers crossed--this will be the golden ticket. I've felt about 80% normalish, but I've still been a bit hypothyroid symptomatic (dry/itchy/ashy skin; hair falling out; bouts of intense fatigue; uncontrollable moodswings; insomnia; inability to concentrate, etc.). In other words, I'm still an utter joy to be around at all times.

I know there's more,  but that's all I can do for now. It's 1:00am, and I've got to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to pack because, as with every trip, I've waited until the last minute to even think about what I'm going to take with me. Oh, and I need to go start some laundry...so there's that.

Another post soon, I promise.

Seriously?!

My last post was on June freakin' first?! Wow. That's lame. Even for me. But the truth of the matter is I have been one BUSY lady. Between work being cranked up to eleven and having to do the childcare mambo during the week-and-a-half between school's end and the beginning of The Geej's first summer day camp, I've been running around like the proverbial recently headless chicken.

So here are a bit of the recent haps:

My baby is officially not a kindergartner any more. I haven't fully wrapped my head around this fact, due in large part to the fact that she's going to be attending a 6 wk. day camp at the school she just "graduated" from starting Monday. So yes, she's done with kindergarten, but she's not finished attending her old school yet. Which is JUST FINE, mind you. I'm not nearly as ready for her to start first grade as she is. It's going to be a big adjustment for the both of us, but I may be the one who freaks out the most. We'll see...

Speaking of The Geej, I'm trying to figure out what to do to celebrate her big SIXTH birthday that'll be coming up at the end of July. She's requested a "bouncy house waterslide" party, which is possible (I think), but now I'm wondering if a surprise trip to San Diego/Legoland might be a bigger hit. Hmmm...

If we DO do the San Diego thing, then it means I won't be able to do a girls' weekend with some old friends like I did last year, and that would sort of suck.

***
Other news--

So far this new thyroid hormone replacement prescription seems to be working MUCH better than my previous dosage. Thank GOD! I'm not at 100%, but I'm far better than I was when I wrote my last post.

If you've seen me recently, then you know how HORRIBLE my roots are. I've gone longer between a haircut/highlight this go 'round than I have in, well, forever, and the results are downright fugly. So now that my roots are (literally) at least 3 " long, I'm thinking of telling my hairdresser I want to try my natural color with just a few highlights around the face. Mind you, my natural color at this point is probably 30% gray, so when I say "natural" I'm actually talking about the color that makes up the other 70% of my root color: a gloriously boring dishwater blondish brown. Sounds sexy, no? But hey, I need to face the fact that I just don't have the time, money or physique to pull off the "No seriously, I AM this blonde" look anymore.

Next thing you know, I'm going to purchase a monagrammed, Bedazzled fanny pack and some denim capri pants with an elastic waistband.

***
I SWEAR I have more to write about, but I'm just too tired to do so this evening. So, until later...

On the going crazy

This morning I went to the endocrinologist for the first time since beginning the Levoxyl (thyroid replacement) meds about 6 weeks ago. It's been a wild ride, as I've mentioned, and I wasn't surprised at all when I was told that my TSH level (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) was too high. What this basically means is that my meds need to be adjusted so that I'm not having to struggle against hypothyroidism and all of the wonderful perks that come with it. I got a new prescription with the upped dosage that I'll start taking tomorrow. Then, in six more weeks, they'll test my TSH levels again to see if I'm where I should be or if I require another adjustment.

I knew that all of this was going to take time and that adujustments would need to be made. But the only thing that's kept me clinging to a slim sliver of sanity is the fact that I know that (most of) the craziness in my head is due to my system being out of whack and that it's a temporary situation that's in the process of being "fixed". Because people, I've gotta tell you, if I DIDN'T know this? I would've checked myself into the loony bin or swallowed a handful of sleeping pills weeks ago.

I literally feel like there's someone or something else punching the buttons in my brain. I have little control over how I react and respond to things. I cannot focus to save my life (which is making work very difficult for me). I can't remember shit. I have days of relative normalcy followed by days when I can barely force myself out of bed because I am overwhelmed with fatigue and depression. I cry at least once a day. My skin is so ashy, dry and itchy, that it's maddening. My hair is falling out by the handful, and I have one helluva a time sleeping through the night.

When I am around people (other than my immediate family), I work hard to "keep it together". But the effort required to do that is exhausting and only adds to my feeling of insanity. And then my poor family has to deal with the full-tilt crazy Karla May. It's not been fun for any of us.

I just had no idea that the absence of one little gland could cause this much internal chaos. And just so you know, I'm not looking for pity with this post. Just understanding.

CRASH!!

A couple of days after I started taking my "synthroid" medication (it's really called levoxyl), I was SO pleased. I had ENERGY again. I felt normalish! I wasn't dragging through every day on auto pilot, grumpy as hell and generally miserable for no reason! It felt amazing. But by the end of last week, man, was I exhasted. I felt like a washcloth that had been wrung out and then wrung out again. This weekend, I literally could not get enough sleep. I would wake up in the morning and begin thinking about when I might be able to catch a nap. Everything seemed like a blur. I felt like I'd been slipped a mickey, and it sucked. And I pretty much looked like this.

This morning I called and talked to my endocrinologist. Basically I was thinking, "Surely, this can't be right. I need my meds adjusted, right?" Wrong. Apparently this "crash" is to be expected. According to her, it takes "4 to 6 weeks" for the artificial hormone levels to get normalized. That's why they're not having my blood tested or my follow-up visit until early June. DAMN IT!! That is NOT the answer I wanted. I want to be fixed, like NOW! I want to feel as good as I felt the for the 3 or 4 days after I started taking this stuff!! Crap, crap, crap.

I need a nap and a good, long cry.

There is no "I" in "Team", but there ARE a couple in "Isolation"

The next step for me with this whole thyroid cancer thing is to have radioactive iodine therapy, which begins on Monday.

Basically, as I understand it, I go to the radiological clinic, people come at me wearing those suits you see people wearing in documentaries about Chernobyl, they open up some crazy container with The Radioactive Pill within it, I swallow it, and then I'm on my merry way. Except I need avoid pets, babies/children, pregnant ladies and most other humans for 3 - 5 days because I will be RADIOACTIVE. Freaky, no? And although limited, arm's length (or more) interaction most humans is sort of okay, it's not encouraged. So, because I work in Cubeland, U.S.A., my doctor was like, "Yeah, if you can work remotely, that's the best thing for everyone."

Luckily with my job (and my boss and my team), I CAN work remotely on a limited basis. However, because I have both a small child and pets and a husband, I had to figure out where I could isolate myself and work with the minimal amount of life-disruption for all involved.

At first I thought of relocating to Dah's house for the week, but she doesn't have Wifi, and she DOES have a cat. So, no.

And then I thought of holing up at the South Austin Motel. But then I'd have to interact with the hotel staff and go out and interact with other folks for each meal, and risk infecting them with my RADIATION. Plus, that shit's exPENsive. So again: no.

Then, on a whim, I decided to look on VRBO.com for some sort of efficiency/studio apartment in town that I could rent for the week. But I had no luck--either the places that would work were rented out during part of the time that I needed, or they were available, but WAY too expensive (i.e., as much or more than a hotel).

I've got doctor's appointments on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday morning, so I needed my isolation pod to be somewhere close to town. But it also needed to have wifi (for work), be reasonably priced (because the medical bills are rolling in fast and furious), and to be pleasant (for sanity's sake). So I started looking for someplace out at Lakeway, Lake Travis or Lago Vista. I finally found the PERFECT place and emailed the owner and said (basically)--Hey dude, I see you've got a vacancy, and for medical reasons I need to be isolated in a place where I can cook and do everything else for myself, but I can't afford a hotel. Would you be willing to cut me a deal that could benefit us both--you get a M-F tenant, and I get a break on the price? And guess what: he's a decent human freakin' being who not only waived the cleaning fee, but came down to $85/night for me.

So, starting Monday of next week, I'll be staying in a secluded, exclusive, fully stocked lake front condo complex with 2 pools (that I can't swim in, but still...) and a view of the lake. In fact, THIS is the view of the lake I'll have from my private balcony:

Pretty freakin' sweet, no?

For some reason, I feel like should be saying that I'm dreading the week ahead. That being alone, without direct interaction with other human beings is just going to drive me batty. But the only child in me is more like,  "OHMYGAWD this is going to be AWESOME. Like a mini vacation, but with RADIOACTIVITY. And eating off of paper plates with plastic utensils and flushing the toilet 3 times after you pee and throwing away your toothbrush and using a pillow that you throw away after your isolation period. And I'll be working remotely. But still!!"

That's what next week holds for me (including some blood tests and a full body iodine uptake scan). And then the week after that, my first work-related travel in nearly 2 years. I'M A BUSY RADIOACTIVE LADY, DAMNIT!!

Neckevolution

The day before my surgery.

I'm not vain about many things, but I've always liked my neck/shoulders area. My ENT even complimented me prior to my surgery saying, "You've got the neck of a 30 year old. I can't find any good wrinkles to cut in to you." A strange compliment, but a compliment nonetheless. So I can't say I was thrilled about the idea of getting one of the only areas of my body I consider fairly nice looking all scarred up.

Two days after the surgery.

Not too bad. Pretty bruised, swollen and very tender, but not horrific. Now my arm? THAT looked pretty awful.

The Arm of Doom

That's where the IV was. I bruise pretty easily, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by this sucker, however the strange thing about it is that it didn't appear until AFTER they removed the IV. Weird.

The night before getting my stitches out.

At this point I'd entered the lovely Yellow Bruising Stage of Healing and was itching like a mofo. I was SO ready for the stitches to come out. And now?

Twelve days post op. Five days post-stitches.

It's still swollen and tender, but I gotta say, he did a nice job. (The glistening you see is my scar healing gel stuff I slather on there a couple of times a day.)

So there you have it, you sick, morbid people.

Good tidings.

Oh Internets, today is a good day.

The supercalafragalistic weather continues. Chamber of commerce weather. Sit out on a patio catching rays and a sweet buzz weather. SXSWeather.

I got to attend (the first part, at least) The Geej's "100 Day Party" at her school this morning. Man, I love the kids in her class. So creative and hilarious. They've been doing these posterboards where they ask the students things like, "If I could have 100 of anything, what would it be?" and then record each of the kiddo's answers. (GJ's answer to this question: "sparkly shoes," natch.) I noticed another 100-related posterboard today that asked, "If you traveled for 100 miles from Austin, where would you be?" GJ answered, "Alaska", and her classmates said things like "Dallas," "Asia," "Mexico," and (oddly enough) "Kansas." But my two favorites? "A cake store" and "Pixie Hollow". Oh to be 5 again...

After the party, I went to the doctor and got my stiches removed. I still have steristrips on the incision, but I got to see it before he put them on. It doesn't look too bad, aside from some residual bruising (now in the yellowish-green stage, always lovely), and after these strips fall off (some time this weekend), I can start putting on the scar gell stuff to minimize what this sucker looks like. I'll post pics later because, be honest, you wanna see, don't you?

At the doctor's office, I got the final pathology report on the thyroid and lymph node that were removed, and I could bore you with the medical mumbo jumbo, but long and short of it is the "pathological staging" of the tumors were T3, NX, MX. This means, "the tumor is either larger than 4 cm or it has begun to grow a small amount into nearby tissues outside the thyroid" (T3) however it had not spread to nearby lymph nodes (NX) and there were no signs of distance metastasis/spread (MX). In other words, I'm a lucky, lucky gal.

Next week, I have my first appointment with an endorinologist to figure out what's next. But right now, I'm feeling pretty happy about how everything has gone.

After the doctor's appointment, I treated myself to lunch at Torchy's along with a Dublin Dr. Pepper. Oh yes I did.

Then I went to my "Plan B" school for a tour with the principal. I'm not gonna lie: I was prepared to be disappointed. I'm not sure why--I guess it's just because I'd had my heart so set on The Geej going to my "Plan A" choice school, and when I got the news that wasn't going to be happening, my heart just sort of sunk through the floor. But, oh my GOSH, y'all! This school? I really, REALLY liked it. The principal was awesome, took her time with me, answered all my questions (and answered them well), led me on a very thorough tour, and I saw a lot of happy, productive kiddos being well attended to by engaged teachers. I can picture The Geej thriving here and her wonderful spirit being appreciated and encouraged. I called the AISD offices as soon as I got back and requested a transfer change to this school, and I'm certain it will be approved. And she can be happy there until 5th grade or until we move into a different school zone--whichever comes first.

Everything's going to be okay, y'all. It really is.

The Pine Curtain Refugee: Now With 100% Less Thyroid

The surgery is done. Thank God.

When I went to my pre-op appointment on Thursday afternoon, I told them about my previous BAD hospital experience and how terrified and freaked out I was about this whole endeavor. They listened and took me seriously.

On Friday afternoon, I took the valium my doctor had prescribed for me prior to getting to the hospital, so that helped take the edge off. When I checked in to get prepped for surgery, all of the nurses, doctors, etc. were simply amazing. I did have a minor breakdown when they were trying to get my IV started and were having trouble--just brought back a flood of bad memories of pain and awfulness. I just kept saying, "I don't want to be here...I want to leave...I don't want to be here..." Luckily, they started the Versed* shortly after they got the IV in, and that made me care a WHOLE lot less what was going on (*a.k.a. Happy Goodtime Night Night Pre-Anesthesia Medicine). Got me wheeled away to surgery, and the next thing I knew I was in the recovery room. Which was fine, until there started to be a lot of nervous activity around my bed. I was super groggy, but I was aware enough to hear the words, "bleeder", "swelling", and "page the doctor". I started to freak out and trying to ask questions, which I couldn't vocalize. I was beyond terrified. They finally told me they were going to have to take me back in to the operating room, and that's the last thing I remember until I was being wheeled into my room at about 10:30pm. Apparently, one of the small veins in my neck had been nicked when they were suturing me up, and it was bleeding right beneath the surface of the skin and causing pretty significant swelling and bruising above and below my incision. So they had to put me back under (breathing tube and all) and go back in and get the bleeding to stop and clean up the mess. Yuck, right? All in all, it was a fairly minor thing, but it sure didn't FEEL minor when all of the hubub was going on around me in recovery.

Had a very non-restful night in the hospital--constant interruptions, drawing labs, taking vitals, discomfort, etc. So I was VERY relieved when my doctor came to visit me at 7am yesterday and told me that all my labwork and my incision looked great, so they'd be letting me go home. Less than 24 hours in the hospital, bitches!! (He also told me that we were very lucky we'd gotten to this when we did b/c the larger tumor inthe right lobe of my thyroid was getting ready to bust outta that sucker and spread elsewhere.)

So, I'm home. The Geej is with my mom until this afternoon. And I got some good rest last night, albeit I pretty much have to sleep in one position (on my back, elevated) due to my incision (about 5 inches wide at the base of my neck; Stitched and covered in steri strips) and the LOVELY bloody drain that's coming out of the front of my neck. The worst part of this so far? How DAMN sore my throat is from the breathing tubes. Man, it hurts to swallow, cough, or anything having to do with my entire neck area.

Yesterday, after my first attempt at eating in almost 48 hrs., I had a big scare where I thought I was going to vomit (and actually did a tiny bit), and the fear of how much that would hurt had me crying my eyes out. And I'm pretty sure that fear also kept me from going full-tilt barfo, which I'm thankful for.

BH has been SO amazing through all of this. He's an amazing, selfless caretaker. I was craving baked potato soup for dinner last night (and was finally really, really hungry), and he got a recipe off the internet, went to the store, got all the stuff, and cooked up the best batch of baked potato soup I've ever tasted. I love that man.

We both went to bed really early last night. He was exhausted too due to staying overnight with me at the hospital on Friday. And although I'm missing The Geej (I got to see her for about an hour yesterday), it's nice just having the quiet house right now so we can both just kind of take it easy. My next adventure? Figuring out how to take a shower with this drain thing, which needs to be pinned to something like a shirt so it doesn't just dangle and pull in the spot it emanates from. (I've got a follow-up appt. with my doctor on Monday afternoon, at which they'll hopefully remove this nasty thing.) I'm going to have to get creative because I NEED this shower. Trust me.

Thank you all for all your good thoughts and prayers, by the way. It sounds silly, but it really DOES help knowing that there are friends and family out there, far and wide, who are rooting for me.

More soon.

Let's DO this!

Today when my doctor's nurse called to discuss scheduling my surgery, I almost felt like I was asking for a table at a busy restaurant: "I'll take first available." So, the surgery will be happening on 3/5. My pre-op consult will be happening this Friday. Good. I want to get this shit done and done, you know?

In other news, if you know anyone else besides me who lives in Austin, then surely you've heard that IT SNOWED today! Really! But it was a perfect snow--lovely to watch fall from the sky, but not enough to mess with travel and traffic. The Geej got to enjoy it at school when her entire class went out in it and had a snowflake-catching-on-your-tongue-a-thon.

Speaking of The Geej, this morning she woke up with a rash over most of her body, but little itching and no fever. I looked up what was going on (thank you, interwebs) and according to the University of Michigan Children's Hospital website, it is "antibiotic rash", which sounded pretty innocuous. (She's been on Amoxicillin since last Tuesday.) But after dosing her with Benydryl and calling her doctor's office (which was closed due to "inclement weather"), it was only getting worse. Tonight I also added some cortizone cream to the mix. At bed time, she was still COVERED in red, raised bump, from her face to her ankles, and beginning to run a low-grade fever. I'll be calling her doctor again first thing in the morning. Have any of y'all ever dealt with this? I'm starting to freak out a bit...

N-word = C-word

Got the news late this afternoon: this is my diagnosis. Doctor wants to remove the whole thyroid due to the other little n-words hanging out along with the largest n-word. Surgery will probably be scheduled within the next two weeks. After it is removed, my care will be handed over to an endocrinologist who will put me on synthetic hormones for the rest of my life.

I'm not afraid of the cancer. It's super treatable and my prognosis is excellent. I am, however afraid of the utter depletion of my paid time off account (into which I am due to receive a nice disbursement on my 3/5 paycheck, but it'll be mostly wiped out because of my surgery and recuperation time). And I'm also pretty fucking terrified--phobic, actually--of being in the hospital and getting a post-surgical infection. Been there, done that. Every time I think about actually having to go in there and under the knife, I can feel my blood pressure rise and my ears start to burn and ring like I'm going to pass out. As a matter of fact, I'm going to quit typing about it.

So, yeah. I've got some major schedule adjustment to do in the coming weeks in order to figure out when all this shiz is going to go down.

All I can say right now, is thank God I had vertigo bad enough to send me to the ENT. Otherwise, who knows when (or if) this thing would've been caught.