Tuesday, June 01, 2010

On the going crazy

This morning I went to the endocrinologist for the first time since beginning the Levoxyl (thyroid replacement) meds about 6 weeks ago. It's been a wild ride, as I've mentioned, and I wasn't surprised at all when I was told that my TSH level (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) was too high. What this basically means is that my meds need to be adjusted so that I'm not having to struggle against hypothyroidism and all of the wonderful perks that come with it. I got a new prescription with the upped dosage that I'll start taking tomorrow. Then, in six more weeks, they'll test my TSH levels again to see if I'm where I should be or if I require another adjustment.

I knew that all of this was going to take time and that adujustments would need to be made. But the only thing that's kept me clinging to a slim sliver of sanity is the fact that I know that (most of) the craziness in my head is due to my system being out of whack and that it's a temporary situation that's in the process of being "fixed". Because people, I've gotta tell you, if I DIDN'T know this? I would've checked myself into the loony bin or swallowed a handful of sleeping pills weeks ago.

I literally feel like there's someone or something else punching the buttons in my brain. I have little control over how I react and respond to things. I cannot focus to save my life (which is making work very difficult for me). I can't remember shit. I have days of relative normalcy followed by days when I can barely force myself out of bed because I am overwhelmed with fatigue and depression. I cry at least once a day. My skin is so ashy, dry and itchy, that it's maddening. My hair is falling out by the handful, and I have one helluva a time sleeping through the night.

When I am around people (other than my immediate family), I work hard to "keep it together". But the effort required to do that is exhausting and only adds to my feeling of insanity. And then my poor family has to deal with the full-tilt crazy Karla May. It's not been fun for any of us.

I just had no idea that the absence of one little gland could cause this much internal chaos. And just so you know, I'm not looking for pity with this post. Just understanding.


Badger said...

Dude, if you don't mind me laying some psychic vibes on your ass, I see things getting a LOT better for you around September-ish. Sucks that you're having to go through the adjustment period in the summer, which is ALREADY crazy-making in these parts. I hesitate to say "hang in there" because whenever someone says that to me I kind of want to punch them in the face, so ... let's pretend I said it and you DIDN'T punch me, okay?

hotpinksox said...

I'm gonna say it. Hang in there. I work across the street so if you need to punch me in the face you can. Seriously, I too felt the same when I was getting my meds for my diabetes figured out. I cried all the time, felt like shit and wanted to sleep all the time but couldn't once I got in bed. I know it sucks. You'll start to feel better a little bit everyday until one day you are yourself again.