Thursday, March 04, 2010

The conversation that's been going on in my brain for the past few days:

Why are you getting so worked up about this? It's a fairly routine surgery. You need to quit acting like a baby.

Oh my GOD I'm going to die!

You're not going to die. You're going to be fine, and you'll be able to look back on what an anxious freak you've been, and laugh at yourself.

What if...? What if...? What if...?

None of that's going to happen. It's going to go down like it should, all the cancer will be removed, you'll recuperate quickly, get on some synthetic hormones, and live happily ever after. 

I don't have a will. I need to get a fucking will. I'm 41 years old and have a husband and a child and responsibilities and shit. I need a will.

You're not going to die, dumbass!

I need to go make sure all of my beneficiary information is correct on my life insurance, Roth IRA, and 401k stuff. 

You've got plenty of time to handle all of that because you're going to be fine.

What if I wake up in recovery and I totally freak out and start pulling out tubes and stitches and stuff? Sometimes people do WEIRD stuff when they're coming out of anesthesia. Holy crap, I know I'm going to wigthefuck out.

You've got Valium. Sweet, sweet valium to help you be calm tomorrow.

I need to make sure we've got enough groceries and shave my legs and finish the laundry and make sure all my bills are paid and up-to-date. Do we have enough cat food? Oh crap, we're out of milk.

Your wonderful husband is there. Let him help you. Don't think that you've got to do it all yourself.

If I start crying in my pre-op visit today, I'm going to be very embarassed. What a baby!

They've seen it all. Please quit worrying already.

Is The Geej scared? I'm scared. Is she picking up on that? How can I protect her from this when I'm such a basket case? 

She's curious, but she's not scared. She thinks you can do ANYTHING. You're like superwoman to her. And she'll be in good hands.

I'm going to cry again. I'm sick of crying and being anxious. I can't concentrate on anything. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

You are GOING TO BE FINE. Everything is GOING TO GO WELL. There will be NO COMPLICATIONS. Now, go take a Xanax.


hotpinksox said...

Good luck!

hotpinksox said...

Good luck!

toxomaman said...

Shit...I haven't been reading your blog and had to catch up. Fuck this surgery Shit! But YES! You are superwoman and everything will be just fine ... Xanax....breathe...heal...xoxox

mama herbivore said...

dear lord. i too have slacked on reading everything. WTF marla? stay strong, you know you are loved, hugs hugs kisses. xoxoox

Badger said...

Aw, dude! You ARE going to be okay. And the Geej will be fine, too. I am speaking as your psychic friend, here.

Millardman said...

Knock it out!

SUS said...

You brain, of course, is absolutely correct.
Thinking good thoughts for you today.