Has it really been four days since I kicked my own ass?

I'm still recovering from New Year's Eve. How sad is that? The hangover is long gone, but the bruises. The BRUISES, people!! If I didn't think I'd alienate and/or totally gross out most of you who take the time to read this silly blog, I swear I'd post pictures. The one on my butt is the most amazing. In a few short days, it's grown to the size of a small galaxy, complete with what look like vivid, spindly blue and purple fingers emanating from its center. Sexy.

My knee is better. I can almost walk like I'm not injured. However, I'm still not able to straighten it out completely. Again: Sexy.

And my newest ailment? TMJ. I've been waking up for at least six weeks now with aching, popping jaws and a bitch of a headache. I looked it up on this here Internet thing and, sure as shit, I've got me the TMJ. Symptoms list:

• Frequent aching/popping jaws and headaches? Check.
• Been grinding teeth for a long time? Check. I've worn a bite guard because of grinding problem since I was in my early twenties.
• Chew gum a lot? Oh yeah. Like a cow with her cud. Because it's classy, yo. But seriously: I chew gum like hardcore smokers smoke--frequently and with much pleasure.
• Stress? Yep.
• Insomnia caused because of aching jaws? You know it!

Sigh. I guess I can go ahead and start blowing through this year's medical deductible with a trip to an Ear/Nose/Throat doctor to get this thing officially diagnosed and hopefully get some relief.

See kids? Getting old is FUN!!

I have yet to lift a finger to take down any Christmas decor. I guess I've got to do it this weekend under penalty of law, huh? Really, I'm just kind of sick of looking at it. I'm ready to pack it away and forget about it until next December when I can (maybe) be charmed by it all over again.

Okay, I'll leave you with some randomalia for good measure:

• I find the smell of Play-Dough insanely comforting.
• I'm not buying the Jan/Michael thing on "The Office."
• I'm jonesing for the return/finale of "The Sopranos," but haven't been able to find out shit about when it's coming back on. Anyone care to clue me in?
• I may be going to a work conference thingie in Vegas ON MY BIRTHDAY! Hello, craps tables. I've missed you...
• I'm cooking up the best birthday surprises EVER for my mom. She drives me totally nuts, but she's so wonderful and has been so supportive of me through all of my BULLSHIT over the past year or so. She more than deserves it.
• My good buddy Michelle has been added to the blogroll over there on the right (Ruby Bird). Check her out. She's one of the coolest ladies in the land.

More. Soon. Freaks.