Oh, the circles under my eyes. How they darken. For about 2 weeks now, this is my nightly scenario (exept on weekends):
- Go to bed at a decent hour (somewhere btwn. 10:45 and midnight).
- Fall asleep immediately.
- Sleep like a baby. Until about 3:30am.
- Wake up to pee.
- Stumble back to bed about half asleep.
- Get back in bed and am, suddenly, WIDE FREAKIN' AWAKE!
- Cats think, "Yay! Mommy's up! She must want to play and/or love on me, so I'll go walk all over her purring at an insane volume."
- Cats get locked out of bedroom
- Get back in bed.
- Mind starts racing...work...work...work...work...work...money...work...family...work...
- Notice that every muscle in my body is clenched, including my jaw.
- Wonder, "What the HELL?! I'm tired! Relax and go back to sleep, jackass."
- Consciously force myself to unclench muscles. Try to clear mind. Breathe deeply.
- Works for about three minutes then...
- Mind is at it again, body is clenched again.
- Think, "Maybe if I roll over on my side..."
- Do so. Makes no difference.
- Roll on to other side. Ditto.
- End up on back again. Eyes wide open. Staring at ceiling, clenching jaw and every other muscle in body.
- Once again, try to forcibly clear mind and relax body.
- Wonder, "What time is it now?"
- Repeat steps 10 through 21 until the sun comes up.
- Drag self out of bed exhausted and grumpy and not ready to face the day in the least.
And I've tried all sorts of herbal teas, herbal supplements and OTC sleep remedies. But they're more focused on helping one GET to sleep, not stay asleep. And it used to be that at least I could count on getting a good, solid night's sleep on my nights that I go to the gym. Not anymore.
By about 3 in the afternoon, I am yawning non-stop, my brain is jello, and I've got a raging headache. But (as all you working mom's know), there's no mental or physical break in store for me until well after the kiddos are in bed.
My life has become lather-rinse-repeat.
No wonder I feel so raw and on-edge. All day yesterday, I felt like I was on the verge of tears. Like at any moment, I might just become a sobbing snotty mess. And it's not because I'm unhappy. It's because my nerves are shot and I'M FUCKING EXHAUSTED.
Oh, and did I mention, I am utterly slammed at work? Because I am. That's one reason I've been neglecting ye olde blogge. I haven't even had time to lunch-time blog, which is really bumming me out.
So in an effort to stave off plunging into an abyss of profound sleep-deprived psychosis and depression, here's a random list of things that are making me very happy at the moment:
- The Geej is SO on the verge of reading, it's amazing. I love watching her get excited with each step she gets closer to being able to read on her own. She can also write the words: love, Dah, Mommy, and her first and last names.
- Smoked Gouda.
- The weather (although we've already hit in the 90s a couple of times, and I'm not quite ready for that).
- I've got an appointment to get my hairs did this weekend.
- We got bunk beds for BH's boys, so their room is slowly starting to come together.
- Got my tax refund. WHOOT!!
- Fresh strawberries. They're like CANDY. I'm addicted.
- Some great new (at least to me) music I've downloaded recently.
- The feeling I get after a good workout at the gym.
- The YouTube video of someone tickling a slow Loris.
- The fact that when I got home on Tuesday evening after working late, BH had vacuumed the house, planted a honeysuckle vine for me, and was making dinner whilst sporting the most hilarious moustache ever. I cracked up every time I looked at him and kept saying, "Dude, you've got a MOUSTACHE!!"
- Tamari almonds from Whole Foods.
- Thinking about my friend Julie getting married next week (despite the fact that I won't be able to be there...and boy could I use some Cancun and Julie right about now...)
So you see, it's not all gloom and doom around here. It's just that I'm too tired to get very psyched about any of it.