Conversations with Cheryl, #2

Me: So what movie did ya'll end up going to see?
Mom: "Meet the Fockers."
Me: Really? How was it?
Mom: It was okay. Silly but pretty funny. I just can't get over how much like "Meet the Parents" it was.
Me: Um...You do know it's the sequel to "Meet the Parents," right?
Mom: No. Really? Well I WAS thinking that Robert DeNiro and Ben Stiller had been in that first movie.
Me: And remember...in "Meet the Parents," Ben Stiller's last name is Focker and he's a nurse...?
Mom: Oh yeah. Now it makes a lot more sense.

My favorite Christmas card.

As I was putting away the cards I received from friends and family this most recent Christmas, I ran across this gem. A bit of background about the senders: Josh and Michelle. I met Michelle while I was living in Chicago. She was my first girl friend that I made while living there. I met her in a creative non-fiction journal writing class at Columbia College. She had cool hair and even cooler shoes. Plus she was the best writer in our class. We became fast friends. I introduced her to a friend of my boyfriend's, Josh. We all went bowling together.
Fast forward several years and several moves later, and they are now married and living in Portland, OR, and are expecting thier first baby--a daughter they're naming Ruby--at the end of this month. We're all very excited about becoming the parents of little baby girls in the very near future.

So, the card--
It has an angel on the front and says, "Believe."
You open it up, and on the inside, Michelle wrote: "We (heart) you & Josh is c r a z y. XOXO"
Then Josh wrote:
"We are so proud & excited for you. You've got ballz the size of church bellz & we're honored to call you our friend. Our little ladies will grow up at the same time & maybe, just maybe go to see their first concert together, hopefully a G-n-R reunion will all original members. God willing. I'm talking Slash, Duff, Axl & Izzy in full affect, word up. How sick would that be? Totally sick. Totally F'n sick. The more I think about this, to hell with the kids, call the sitter, we'll meet you at the Will Call window of the Austin Municipal Fucking Auditorium, load the flask with jungle juice beyotch cuz it's go time. Cut the shiznit, start the piznit, you know what I'm talking about?! Show us your titz and all that. Fuck-n-ay."

Wow. He's about to be somebody's dad. That totally rules.

A recent rendering of my mom Cheryl. 

Conversations with Cheryl, #1

My mom Cheryl called me this morning on my cell phone. Here's more or less a transcript of our call.

Mom: Hey, I've got 2 things to tell you.
Me: Okay. Lay it on me.
Mom: Roy left me a note.
Me: What? [Remember, dear Readers, that Roy is my recently-deceased stepfather.]
Mom: Roy left me a note! When I woke up this morning, there was this note from Roy on my dresser. And it was NOT there last night.
Me: Whoa. What did it say?
Mom: Well, it was on this really nice stationary that I'd never seen before, and it was dated 1997, but I've never seen it before. And I swear to you, it wasn't there last night. I would've noticed it.
Me: But what did it say?
Mom: [Quoting the note] Sweetie, I found myself smiling on my way to work today. I have a simple life and am happy. You are not only my best friend, but my lover and a very good person. I am very lucky and just wanted to know that I love you very much. --Roy
Me: Oh my God.
Mom: I KNOW!
Me: And you've never seen it?
Mom: NO! Isn't that crazy?
Me: It's just so cool. Did you have a particularly hard day yesterday?
Mom: Well, we were in court to probate the will. And then I went out to the cemetary and they still hadn't put his nameplate up in the mausoleum. So yeah, it was emotional.
Me: He just wanted you to know that he was watching out for you and that he loves you.
Mom: I know. I'm just so happy that I got this note.
Me: What's the second thing?
Mom: I found a baby snake in the dining room this morning.
Me: WHAT?!
Mom: Yeah. I don't know how he got there. But now I'm worried about where his parents are!
Me: What did you do?
Mom: I got some kitchen tongs, picked him up, and sealed him in an envelope.
Me: Alive?
Mom: Yes. I mean, I think he's still alive...
Me: What are you going to DO with him?
Mom: Well, your uncle's coming over later to help me with some stuff, so I want him to look at it and tell me if it's a copperhead or not.
Me: Oh.

Mama's Little Fatty. 

A Little Miracle

My last post was on 12/29. That was a Wednesday. It was like any other Wednesday, really. Got up. Got ready for work. Earl, my 3 1/2 year old, nature-lovin' cat whined to go outside. We've gotten into a routine, Earl and I: I let him out when I leave for work (if it's not raining or super cold), and when I pull up in the evening, he comes running up to the front door, purring and ready to go in and have his supper. Then he stays in all night, snoozing and snuggling. (He really never wanders too far away. Usually he's one or two yards away, but for the most part, he's always within earshot. And he NEVER goes toward the busy street near my house because he's terrified of cars.) But when I got home from work this past Wednesday evening, no Earl. I wasn't too worried at first. I left to go get a pedicure, and came back home. Still no Earl. I started to get nervous. I was calling for him and rattling his treat can, but there was no sign of him. Ate some dinner, still no Earl. Took a shower, still no Earl. I was up until about 2:00am, going outside about every half hour, calling for him. I got about four hours of restless sleep and then started all over at about 6:30am, calling for him, walking around rattling the treat can. But nothing.
Thursday, I took the day off of work and made a "Please Help! Lost Cat" flyer with his photo on it. I walked door-to-door in my neighborhood handing out the flyers to those who were home, taping it to the doorknobs of those who weren't. I put a flyer up on the telephone poles at either end of my street. I dropped flyers at the nearby vet's office, fire station and coffee shop. I went to the animal shelter and looked for him. I put him in the "Lost Pets" log at the animal shelter. It was a very exhausting and emotional day.
I kept catching myself looking in his normal snooze spots, expecting him to be there, and remembering he was gone. I kept looking out the back door, expecting to see his little orange and white face looking back at me, but he was never there.
By Friday, I knew he was gone for good. Something bad had happened to him. He had been taken by a coyote. Or he'd been badly injured in a cat fight, and was lying somewhere hurt and dying. Or he'd eaten poison. I just knew it in my heart. He was gone. Vanished. Happy Fucking New Year.
Yesterday was New Year's Day. I went and walked 5 miles around Town Lake to rid myself of some of my stress and sadness. Later in the afternoon, I went to the grocery store near my house to get some blackeyed peas and greens to have for dinner (you know, traditional "luck and money" food that you're supposed to eat on New Year's Day). I was wandering through the store and, as a force of habit, found myself in the catfood aisle, thinking, "Does Earl need treats?" And it hit me: He's gone. Really, really gone. It was all I could do to get checked out and to my car before I burst into tears. I hadn't really cried about his disappearance, so when the floodgates opened, they opened big time. I was just sobbing, asking God, "Why?! Why?! He made me laugh EVERY DAY! Why did you take him?" It was awful.
I finally pulled it together enough to drive home, but I had a banging headache and my eyes were completely swollendand stinging. I sat down and watched the Rose Bowl (best football game I've ever seen, by the way) and ate my greens and peas. I went to bed thinking about how, in the morning, I would go and take down the flyers on the telephone poles. And that I should pick up his toys and stuff that were scattered around the house because everytime I looked at that stuff, it was like getting punched in the gut.
Woke up this morning and I could hear it raining. I was lying there in bed with my other cat, the very elderly Miss Ellen, just thinking about how much Earl hated the rain. Sigh. Got up and opened the blinds and pulled back the curtain on the back door and HOLY FUCKING SHIT there he was!!!!!! I thought I was going to pass out. I was shaking as I opened the door to let him in from the rain. I just kept saying, "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!" I was crying. I couldn't believe it. He just walked on in and went over to his "treat spot" right by his scratching post and sat down, waiting for a treat. He was hungry, but other than that, he's totally fine. I felt all over him for scratches and cuts, and found nothing. He's up on my bed, snoozing as I write this. I have no idea where he was for four days. He's never done anything remotely like this, so I can't even imagine... But he's back, and he's safe, and he's already made me laugh a couple of times today. I cannot believe my prayer to have him come home safe and sound was answered. I love my fat little boy.