Saturday, May 02, 2009

I'm not really lazy. But I do have opinions.

I actually have some stuff to blog about, and even though some of it's going to sound made up, I assure you it isn't.

Okay...right after I blogged about how lazy I am, our washing machine broke. I mean, literally. I clicked "publish post," and whammo--it just stopped in the middle of washing a big-ass load of towels/underwear/socks. Problem? The pump wasn't pumping the water out after the wash cycle so that it could, you know, rinse. Crap. But luckily, my EXTREMELY handy husband said he'd look into it and see if he could fix it. APPLIANCE DRAMA!! MAN vs. MACHINE!!

Ahem. So the next day it became apparent that no, despite his EXTREME HANDINESS (sorry for all the unnecessary capitalization, I'm finishing a John Hodgman book, and I CAN'T HELP IT), we (we, meaning I) were going to have to call a repairman. Done and done.

Repairman said it was a broken part, and then got said part and replaced it. Total financial damage: $168. What the brand new Energy Star washer I had picked out would've cost: $974 (w/o tax and delivery). So I'd say, we lucked out (even though the cost of the repair wasn't an expense we were planning on this month).

By the way, that wasn't the "It's gonna sound made up" part of my post. Obviously. For that, keep reading.

I do not like/enjoy children's birthday parties. Pretty much ever. I know I'm "supposed" to be able to just deal and appreciate the fact that the little darlings are having a blast (which does, in fact, slightly warm the cockles of my dark, twisted heart), but the fact is that a) the themes to these goddamned parties are fucking limited/repetitive, b) they're annoying because there's one practically every weekend, c) they eat into my precious (and usually unscheduled) weekend time and, d) holy CRAP! Buying presents and cards and wrapping paper/bows to feed this insatiable beast is financially INSANE.

Yes people, I'm being selfish. But don't hate. I figure if The Geej goes to one--or sometimes two--b-day parties a month, then YAY!! I can handle that. But it's spring. If you do the biological math, a helluva lot of babies are conceived in the fall/winter months (including my own, apparently), which means they're born the following spring/summer. And THAT means that right now, early May, is the beginning of crazy kid birthday party season. Well, if that is indeed true (which I assure you, it is), then today was an appropriate kick off.

Allow me to share.

A couple of weeks ago, I got an e-vite to a b-day party for one of The Geej's classmates whose name Erin. Erin is a sweetie pie who was turning six, so my initial impulse was to answer yes to the invitation. But the when I actually read the details, my answer was not only yes, but HELL yes. You see, my friends, Erin's parents (more on them later) had opted to have their daughter's birthday party here.

No seriously. You need to go back and click that link and sort of poke around on that website, or else the rest of this may make zero sense.

I'll wait.

Apparently, the first Saturday of every month, they host something called "Little Lounge Lizards," which is a "dance club party for cool kids ages 10 and under with their groovy grown-ups."

So out of pure curiosity, we went. And seriously? I don't know what exactly to think: Horribly inappropriate and disturbing? Or, kind of original and harmlessly fun?

I'll just give you the details and allow you to draw your own conclusions:

  • The women's bathroom reeked of vomit.
  • They had "table service" booths with their tables filled with ice, just awaiting a bottle of Grey Goose.

(That's a table filled with ice and there's a hole in the middle for the bottle of your choice.)

The Geej: Look at me!! I'm jumping up and down on a plexiglass covered tank filled with sharks! Wheeee!!

  • But that teaches that animals are here for our amusement, rather than our care and respect.
  • Which is wrong.
  • The music was fun and not too loud.
  • The DJ (yes, there was a live "two turntables and a microphone" type DJ) even played Bingo and the theme to "Tigger and Pooh."
  • They had a fully stocked bar (with a cool aquarium behind know, for the kids!!), and the bartenders and cocktail waitresses were working. (Some of the parents were taking advantage of this.)
  • On said bar, they had Clif Bar goodies for the kids.
  • There were 3 simultaneous b-day parties going on there today. (All for girls. Two were turning 6; One turning 7.)
  • Each party was designated to a different corner booth area that, on a normal weekend night, would cost you $300 (and up) to reserve for you, your posse and your bitches.
  • They also played "The Hokey Pokey" and "The Limbo."
  • There was no set "schedule" to the party. I'm no party Nazi, but usually there's the typical stuff you can expect at any kid's b-day party: Arrival. Free time/go nuts. Organized stuff. Eating. Cake. Gifts. More going nuts. Goodbye. Here? It was a free-for-all. And it was almost too loud to communicate anything with one another. Also, it appeared the host parents had to provide EVERYTHING (which, isn't that usually why you have a party at someplace besides your house: So that they'll provide some shit and pick up after your messy ass?).
  • There were bottles of hand sanitizer everywhere. You know, because of the Swine Flu (and the fact that that place has got to be crawling with skank).

So yeah.

Draw your own conclusions. I'm still drawing mine...


Mags said...

That sounds kinda whack for a kid's birthday party, but I'd LOVE to go see this place. Will you take me there on our long-postponed date?

Karla said...

I remember when that place was being built. Me and Miss Sparkles went and checked it out. Apparently the people building it spent a WHOLE lot of money building it (shark tanks? I mean really?) and it will NEVER recoup what it cost, plus, Austin? Not so much a Bottle bar kind of place. Give me a night at STephen F and a dinner with my homies anytime.

For a kids party? Interesting.....AT least it wasn't Chuck E Cheese.

SUS said...

It's like a party at an aquarium, except not educational! Still, I would have preferred this to Chuck H. Cheese.

But yea, shark tanks? I get images from "It's a Wonderful Life" except with sharks.

hotpinksox said...

I am speechless. I have been to this bar once for a bachelorette party. It was lame but I was drunk.

Kristen said...

Let me be the first to say that I would WAY (gratuitous punctuation!) prefer Chuck E. Cheese's. Or as Graham would say, Chuck E. Jesus.

This place makes me truly angry.

But I totally would have gone to the party.