I am not blogging.

I am not blogging because this week has sucked.

My allergies (apparently I have mold allergies, and really never knew it until this week when they KICKED MY ASS) have made me hack like a 3 pack-a-day smoker and have made me pretty much unable to sleep.

The current and ongoing standoff with my mother (long, long story) and her complete unwillingness to communicate with me has made me physically ill.

My total apathy about most everything in my professional life has made me grumpy.

The glimpses into what The Geej is going to be like as a five year old (sassy, back-talking, defiant, hyper-emotional...wait, that's what she's going to be like for the next 20 years...YIKES!) have made me exhausted.

The sense of being overwhelmed by everything I NEED to do versus the amount of time I have to do said things has made me crumble.

And my desperate need for and yet complete lack of temporary solitude has me feeling like an exposed nerve ending.

I am jittery and pissy and totally on edge.

And I am not blogging.

I LIED!!

Actually there was some cool stuff that happened around Chez Pine Curtain this past week.

For instance, The Geej had her end-of-semester dance "show" at school.

I say "show" because really? It's just a bunch of 3, 4, and 5 year olds galloping around in tutus. But that's okay because it was really cute and funny. And The Geej? She was adorable, of course.

And then, in the pet world, THIS happened:

#901

I didn't even realize it until now, but my last post was my 900th!! Wow, y'all. That's pretty crazy. I'm going to have to do something BIG for my 1,000th, but thankfully I've got some time to think about what that something will be. Especially since I'm such an infrequent poster these days. Lame-o.

It took me a couple of days, but I eventually got back into the groove of work after my fun time out of the office during the Most Funnest Week Ever. I even managed to make it back to the gym and--gasp--have now officially worked the elliptical machine into my regular work out. I am a freakin' cardio MASTER. I can't wait to go back to my foxy cardiologist for my 6 mo. appt. in June and be all, "Listen to that heart muscle, Handsome!!" Maybe he'll even take me off my high bloodpressure meds. I hope...

This week was pretty uneventful, so I'm afraid I don't have much to tell y'all about. However, I think you should know that The Geej's long-suffering and most favorite baby ever, Sally, underwent a major cleaning this week. You can probably imagine how FUNKY and NASTY this poor doll was after being carted all over God's creation for the past nearly four years. So when we decided to run her through the gentle cycle along with a set of sheets, we had to prepare The Geej for the fact that she'd be without Sally for a day, maybe two, while she dried. She was brave, and said it was fine with her. But here's how wonderful my husband is: He took care of the whole thing while The Geej and I were at school/work. That's right: He laundered that babydoll--twice--and then sat her outside in the sun to dry. And she was totally dry and re-dressed by the time we got home. And not only that, he took before and after photos (which, sadly, don't really tell the whole and complete story of how filthy this doll actually was). So without further ado, Sally before:

And after:

Yay!!

Finally, I have to share with you this link to Good Magazine that a friend posted on Facebook and that I got TOTALLY sucked into. It's basically photos of the insides of people's refridgerators. And it's totally fascinating. And after looking at it, I decided to do my own:

Team Leader at a natural foods grocery company. - Austin, TX - 3-person household - Very good at singing harmony.

And the most funnest week ever comes to an end...

What. A. BLAST.

I really, REALLY needed this weekend--lounging by the pool, reading a book, chatting with old friends, laughing, eating good food, napping, no schedules, drinking wine, more lounging, sleeping in, more laughing, and just having one helluva relaxing, fun time.

Ft. Myers is a cute little city. Right on a river that leads out to the gulf. There are beaches nearby, palms and flowers everywhere. My friend Lane and her husband recently moved there and into a gorgeous condo (and by "recent," I mean last month). I felt like I was at a resort the whole time I was there. Between the killer views and the posh poolside set-up, it was pretty nuts.

I could regale you with many tales of the weekend, but I think I'll let the pictures--and a wee bit of video--do (most of) the talking...and flauting.

Here are the views I had for a good portion of my trip. While lying on my chair by the pool looking up, I saw this: If I conjured up enough energy to roll my head to the left, this was my view: And if some how I got really crazy and actually lifted my head off of my chair, I saw this:

See what I mean by "resort-like"? So very different from my life...

Friday night, we went to eat Mexican food and we were seated in the part of the dining area that was right near the substantial bar area. Whe we'd walked in, I'd noticed a keyboard/stage-type set up in the corner of the bar, so really thought nothing of it when we started hearing a loungey type duo doing their thing. At one point, I think I asked Stacy and Lane, "Wait...do I hear a flute?" But then we got back to our margaritas and queso and thought nothing more of it. That is until Lane came back to our table after a trip to the ladies room (via the bar area) and suggested, no, ORDERED us: "You have to come in here. Now." We followed even though our food was arriving at our table and there I witnessed something I really can't even begin to describe, so I'll give you a couple of minutes to watch this video I took so that you can come back and we can talk about it.

Yes. My friends were flauted. As I stood their stunned and motionless, "Leo" be-bopped his way on over to my friends Lane and Stacy and got ALL up in Lane's substantial cleavage. It was...um...awesome? Seriously, it was one of the funniest/most bizarre things I've ever witnessed. Thank God I had my little Flip camera to capture it and share with the world.

After the restaurant, we went to this place called the Mona Lisa that had been recommended to Lane by some friends. We wanted to make asses out of ourselves by singing a little karaoke, and supposedly the Mona Lisa (suspiciously located in a strip mall) was the place. When we got there, however, it was just filled with patrons eating pizza and drinking beers. There was a "stage" (which I later found out was "brand new" and of which they were quite proud), but there were no other signs of karaoke.

The new stage. Isn't it fancy?

So we asked our waiter, and he assured us that, come 10 o'clock, it would "be packed." That meant we had an hour to sit there and consumue some liquid courage. For some reason, I decided it would be a good idea to have "champagne." Just a note for future reference: if your "champagne" comes in a little bottle with a screw-off plastic top that's made to sort of look like a cork, you should probably just order something else (instead of proceeding to order several of the little bottles, as I did).

Eventually the KJ (karaoke jockey) showed up, and soon thereafter, so did the crowds of...TEACHERS! It was "Education Night," and there were some teachers there ready to shake a tail feather and get a little crazy. Oh my...

Lane and I were the first ones up, signing a duet from Xanadu (of course). And we each had other songs on slips that we'd turned in, but we waited. And waited. And drank.

Lane and Stacy cracking up about something.

And we waited some more. And then FINALLY, I got to sing one of my "signature" songs, Kim Wilde's "Kids In America," which I dedicated to all the hard working teachers in the audience. Call my name and song, or I'll cut you!!

It wasn't pretty, people. But it was wicked fun.

Next morning, we went to an early lunch at a place called Butterfly Estates that had what Lane described as "gift shop food" and, of course, an indoor butterfly garden. It was lovely. After frolicking with the winged ones, we headed back to the condo and went immediately to the pool until one of the regular afternoon spring showers blew through and started to rain on us. It was fine with me thought, as it was time to get my incredibly pale self out of the sun and into the shower (after which I had a GLORIOUS nap).
A fairly typical spring afternoon storm in SW Florida. They blow in quickly and, thankfully, leave quickly as well.

For dinner Saturday night, we went to Ft. Myers beach for some seafood. Our first stop, right on the water, had an hour-and-a-half wait. We were starving, so we decided to pass (even though the stuff on the menu sounded AWESOME). We piled back in the car and went back down the road and ended up having a really good meal at a place called...wait for it...PINCHER'S. (Get it? Crabs and whatnot?) Beach humor is so lame.

After supper, we were all full and sleepy. Went home and didn't even make it though 30 mins. of SNL before I had to crash. And poor Stacy, my roommate, confirmed once and for all that yes, I do snore. I was SO mortified that I was snoring like a big ol' bear and keeping her awake. I wish her sweet dreams and restful sleep tonight.

So now, I'm just sitting in the damn Orlando airport, waiting for my flight to Austin. My layover this time is 3.5 hours, and I've still got another two hours to go. Ugh. And I've already had lunch and am sick of people watching.

I am excited to get home and see The Geej and BH, but I'm wishing I had one more day before I had to head back to work...just one more day of the most funnest week ever. However, reality awaits.

Most Funnest Week Ever Update

My work week was short. Monday and Tuesday, to be exact. Tuesday night was The Night the Rocked My Ass. BH and I met up with Jaye and Thelma at The Longbranch for a beer, then we all four headed to the Nine Inch Nails-Jane's Addiction show. Can I just tell y'all how damn excited I was when I found out that this tour was coming to Austin? I'd never seen NIN or Jane's addiction in concert. And although I'm sort of a fan of NIN, I am a HUGE Jane's Addiction fan, so this--seeing Jane's with the original line up and them playing mostly their old stuff (the stuff that had made me fall in love with them in the first place)--was pretty much a dream come true. And you know what? It did not disappoint. They are still tight as hell. Perry's still an amazing frontman. Eric and Stephen make up a phenomenally talented rhythm section. And Dave Navarro--despite the fact that he's a sleazy-ass porno producer--is one hell of a guitarist. I literally couldn't sit down (despite the fact that we had bad assed seats). Every song was fucking mind-blowing. I will never listen to their music the same way again.

Yesterday, I took the day off of work to run errands and get shit done before travelling today. I'm so glad I did, because I had a ton to do and I would've been stressing today if I hadn't gotten a day to just take care of stuff. I shopped, got a manicure, worked out, banked, did laundry, went to the gym, and a bunch of other stuff that I can't even remember right now b/c I, literally, ran my ass off all day. The one thing I didn't do? Pack for my trip, despite the fact that I was having to leave for the airport right after taking The Geej to school the next morning. But I was beat (and I hate packing more than I can express in any language spoken by man), so I opted to go to bed early. Going to bed early meant I had to get up before the damn crack of dawn today to get packed, get ready, get Geej ready, etc. But somehow, I managed to do it. Got to the airport on time. Flight left on time. Flight was fine except for the fact that the ENTIRE LAKE TRAVIS HIGH SCHOOL DRILL TEAM was on the plane with me. WHOO HOO! THEY WERE GOING TO DISNEY, AND OMG Y'ALL THEY WERE SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED. Seriously. I was stunned by the volume of the chattering and constant giggling. But I popped an Ativan, put on the iPod, and managed to sleep most of the way to ORLANDO.

Yep, I had a layover in ORLANDO, a place I have no interest in ever visiting ever ever EVER. And it was a looooooong layover. So I got to contend with The Disney Freaks, the People Who Came to Watch the Space Shuttle Launch, and (apparently) the Southeastern Regional auditions for the next season of The Biggest Loser. I'm no skinny Minnie Mouse by any stretch of the imagination, but HOLY HELL, there were a lot--I mean an alarming number--of really, sadly, morbidly obese families walking the concourses of the Orlando airport. Very depressing.

Got on my next flight about 1/2 an hour late and headed to Ft. Myers. Here I rendezvoused with two dear old friends who I haven't gotten to hang out with in years. My friend Lane and her husband recently moved to this super fab high-rise condo in Ft. Myers, and I swear, it's like we're staying at a resort. The views are insane, and I can't even begin to describe the loveliness of the pool, by which I'll be sitting my ass for most of the day tomorrow.

See? Most funnest week ever!! And it's only Thursday!

More soon (with pictures)!!

I shouldn't blog when I'm cranky.

But I'm going to. And you'd better not try to stop me. Damnit.

Oh, where to start, people...

I guess I'll start with the weather, because that's lame. But yes, it's already titty-sweat hot here in the Heart O' Texas. Yeah, I said it. I am sticky 90% of the day because of the 90% humidity. GRUMPY!!

Next, I got the city/county tax appraisal thing for my house, which went up the annual maximum despite the fact that the actual amount I'd be able to sell my house for is in the toilet thanks to the economy. Oh yeah, and I also need to immediately pay a $600 from my escrow account because they misunderestimated my taxes last year. Yes I know that's grammatically incorrect. Shut up. CRANKY!!

I have a theory about los ninos: Odd numbered years*: suck. Case in point: The Geej at age two? Such a joy. Easy. Happy. Totally blew that whole "Terrible Twos" myth out of the water. Age three:. She was 49% angel, 51% sassy-ass demon spawn. It wasn't fun. Four has been a hilarious, wonderful dream. But five is looming on the very near horizon, and girlfriend is showing signs of the Odd Year-ed Demon, and I'm not loving it. ANNOYING!!

*Age one doesn't count because even though they can be frustrating, they're one, and you get like a billion extra cuteness points when you're one. But nearly five? Notsomuch.

Will someone PLEASE tell me why, all of the sudden, after MONTHS of perfect litter box behavior, one of my damn cats has decided to just barely miss the litter box about 3/4 of the time. Seriously? You can't get your little cat ass all the way into the litter box to deposit your foul leavings within the confines of the damn box? Really? DEATH!!!

City elections. I went to vote on Saturday, and here was the scene at my polling place: Only one parking place (besides the one I took) had a car in it. Tumbleweeds were blowing around.** Walked in, and there were barely animated corpses working behind the registration tables and voting machine instruction stands. I'm serious!! ZOMBIES!! I voted (it took all of 1 minute for the whole thing to go down) and walked to my car. As I made my way across the empty parking lot, a lone coyote howled forlornly in the distance.***

**This is a slight exaggeration.
***Again, artistic license is at play here. PLEASE NOTE: There is no note about the ZOMBIES, and that's because, I'm fairly convinced that the individuals working there were, in fact, the Undead.

I finished a book last week that had taken me forever to read. I am not a slow reader, but usually my only time to read is right at bed time, so I get 5 - 7 pages done, and then I'm falling asleep. I don't care how great whatever I'm reading may be. So I finally finish this book I've been reading since February, and I go out to our rather eclectic book collection and grab something that I'd bought a while back and am psyched to read. I lie down, ready to get started on my new book and DAMNITTOHELL I realize I've already freakin' read it. DISAPPOINTING!!

Whew. Wow...okay. I think I'm better now. Thanks for letting me vent. I thought the top of my skull was gonna blow off there for a minute. Now for some stuff that's NOT making my stabby:

I love succulents. Cactus especially. So one of my favorite things about my workplace is the AMAZING collection of prickly pear cactus that grows on the "Plaza Level." This time of year, if the recent rains have been adequate, they go nuts with TONS of blooms. Here's a picture from the end of last week:

Today, they were even prettier (but I didn't have my camera with me)).

Went to another kid's b-day party this weekend. Thankfully, this one wasn't at a nightclub where the bathroom smelled like vomit. It was actually very fun, and the kiddos went nuts and bounced around in bouncy houses and ate cake and did all the stuff you're supposed to do at a b-day party for the wee ones. And would you please look at The Geej and Annie-O in this photo? All I had to do was say, "Girls...picture!" and it was like instant Phototech*.*If you know what I'm talking about, then you're my people.

And just in case you were wondering: Yes, Anderson still likes birthday cake.After the kiddo party, it was time for a birthday celebration for a grown up friend--my friend Erin. It was way fun and I got to chat and hang out with friends I don't get to see much anymore (unless it's on freakin' F*cebook). I have a few pictures, but the only one I'm really wondering about is this one:
This was a sculpture in the pool cabana where the party was sort of centered. It fills me with so many questions...

Finally, Mother's Day.

I gotta say, I am blessed to know some of the coolest, most skillful, wisest, loveliest, most amazing mothers ever. I learn from them each and every day, and I would sometimes be an utter and complete basket case without them. So even though it's a day late and a dollar short: Happy Mother's Day to you wonderful women. You know who you are.

My Mother's Day? I got to sleep in (until 9:30!), and then got taken to brunch here. I recommend it. My gifts were so awesome, that I hesitate to post photos, for fear your eyes may explode in your skull due to the pure coolness. But here you go:

From The Geej:
Paint-by-number-freakin'-kittens, people!! If you know me even a little bit, then you know how much I love this. She said that BH "helped her a little." All I know is that this is so great, I can't stand it.

From BH:

Whilst at the craft store, BH was inspired by a clock-making kit, and this is the result:
Can you even BELIEVE how awesomely horrible this thing is?! I nearly peed myself when he gave it to me. And if you've ever watched "The Tim & Eric Awesome Show: Great Job!," you'll understand why I think it's so funny. It's totally going to work with me and hanging in my modular work station.****

****cube

So that's it until tomorrow. By the way, tomorrow is officially the beginning of the FUNNEST WEEK EVER (r)!! Details to come.

I'm not really lazy. But I do have opinions.

I actually have some stuff to blog about, and even though some of it's going to sound made up, I assure you it isn't.

Okay...right after I blogged about how lazy I am, our washing machine broke. I mean, literally. I clicked "publish post," and whammo--it just stopped in the middle of washing a big-ass load of towels/underwear/socks. Problem? The pump wasn't pumping the water out after the wash cycle so that it could, you know, rinse. Crap. But luckily, my EXTREMELY handy husband said he'd look into it and see if he could fix it. APPLIANCE DRAMA!! MAN vs. MACHINE!!

Ahem. So the next day it became apparent that no, despite his EXTREME HANDINESS (sorry for all the unnecessary capitalization, I'm finishing a John Hodgman book, and I CAN'T HELP IT), we (we, meaning I) were going to have to call a repairman. Done and done.

Repairman said it was a broken part, and then got said part and replaced it. Total financial damage: $168. What the brand new Energy Star washer I had picked out would've cost: $974 (w/o tax and delivery). So I'd say, we lucked out (even though the cost of the repair wasn't an expense we were planning on this month).

By the way, that wasn't the "It's gonna sound made up" part of my post. Obviously. For that, keep reading.

I do not like/enjoy children's birthday parties. Pretty much ever. I know I'm "supposed" to be able to just deal and appreciate the fact that the little darlings are having a blast (which does, in fact, slightly warm the cockles of my dark, twisted heart), but the fact is that a) the themes to these goddamned parties are fucking limited/repetitive, b) they're annoying because there's one practically every weekend, c) they eat into my precious (and usually unscheduled) weekend time and, d) holy CRAP! Buying presents and cards and wrapping paper/bows to feed this insatiable beast is financially INSANE.

Yes people, I'm being selfish. But don't hate. I figure if The Geej goes to one--or sometimes two--b-day parties a month, then YAY!! I can handle that. But it's spring. If you do the biological math, a helluva lot of babies are conceived in the fall/winter months (including my own, apparently), which means they're born the following spring/summer. And THAT means that right now, early May, is the beginning of crazy kid birthday party season. Well, if that is indeed true (which I assure you, it is), then today was an appropriate kick off.

Allow me to share.

A couple of weeks ago, I got an e-vite to a b-day party for one of The Geej's classmates whose name Erin. Erin is a sweetie pie who was turning six, so my initial impulse was to answer yes to the invitation. But the when I actually read the details, my answer was not only yes, but HELL yes. You see, my friends, Erin's parents (more on them later) had opted to have their daughter's birthday party here.

No seriously. You need to go back and click that link and sort of poke around on that website, or else the rest of this may make zero sense.

I'll wait.

Apparently, the first Saturday of every month, they host something called "Little Lounge Lizards," which is a "dance club party for cool kids ages 10 and under with their groovy grown-ups."

So out of pure curiosity, we went. And seriously? I don't know what exactly to think: Horribly inappropriate and disturbing? Or, kind of original and harmlessly fun?

I'll just give you the details and allow you to draw your own conclusions:

• The women's bathroom reeked of vomit.
• They had "table service" booths with their tables filled with ice, just awaiting a bottle of Grey Goose.

(That's a table filled with ice and there's a hole in the middle for the bottle of your choice.)

• The shark tank thing was pretty cool for the kids.

The Geej: Look at me!! I'm jumping up and down on a plexiglass covered tank filled with sharks! Wheeee!!

• But that teaches that animals are here for our amusement, rather than our care and respect.
• Which is wrong.
• The music was fun and not too loud.
• The DJ (yes, there was a live "two turntables and a microphone" type DJ) even played Bingo and the theme to "Tigger and Pooh."
• They had a fully stocked bar (with a cool aquarium behind it...you know, for the kids!!), and the bartenders and cocktail waitresses were working. (Some of the parents were taking advantage of this.)

• On said bar, they had Clif Bar goodies for the kids.
• There were 3 simultaneous b-day parties going on there today. (All for girls. Two were turning 6; One turning 7.)
• Each party was designated to a different corner booth area that, on a normal weekend night, would cost you $300 (and up) to reserve for you, your posse and your bitches.

• They also played "The Hokey Pokey" and "The Limbo."
• There was no set "schedule" to the party. I'm no party Nazi, but usually there's the typical stuff you can expect at any kid's b-day party: Arrival. Free time/go nuts. Organized stuff. Eating. Cake. Gifts. More going nuts. Goodbye. Here? It was a free-for-all. And it was almost too loud to communicate anything with one another. Also, it appeared the host parents had to provide EVERYTHING (which, isn't that usually why you have a party at someplace besides your house: So that they'll provide some shit and pick up after your messy ass?).
• There were bottles of hand sanitizer everywhere. You know, because of the Swine Flu (and the fact that that place has got to be crawling with skank).

So yeah.

Draw your own conclusions. I'm still drawing mine...