My first post as a forty year old person.

Whoa.

How the hell did THAT happen?! All of the sudden, poof, I'm freakin' FORTY years old!! I need a new driver's license. I'm pretty sure I need bifocals. And I'm entering a new actuarial category.

Ugh. I simply cannot believe it. And PLEASE don't give me that mug-appropriate platitude crap that, "You're only as young as you feel!" and whatnot. Bullshit. I'm forty. Now I just need to be able to deal with it. So far, I'm off to a pretty good start.

Let me tell you how amazingly perfect my birthday has been.

On Thursday night before, BH took me out to one of my favorite swanky restaurants as a make-up for us having to cancel last Saturday night. I ordered wrong from the menu, but other than that, it was a perfectly magnificent dinner.

Yesterday--the acutal Day Of--I took the day off of work. This has become pretty much a tradition for me. I have spent the past few years treating myself to a completely indulgent day on my birthday in order to ease the pain of being one year closer to death. (Bookhart does this too, and we think you should as well. Come ON! You deserve it!)

I have to say that this particular year was one of the best because

a) it was a Friday

b) it was fookin' GORGEOUS outside, which can be extraordinarily rare for those of us with birthdays in January

c) I'm sort of burned out on work at the moment

d) I scheduled and planned it to a tee

Allow me to break it down for you:

8:45 am--My monthly visit from our cleaning service arrives to clean my entire house.

9:00 am--A potato, egg, cheese and jalapeno breakfast taco and a small coke. Breakfast excellence.

9:30 am--An AMAZING facial that included a gylcolic peal and a hydrating hand and foot treatment AND scalp massage.

11:00 am--A very badly needed manicure.

12:40 pm--A small popcorn, a large bottled water, and "Slumdog Millionaire" all by myself

3:00 pm--An hour-long massage

4:20 pm--Checking of the e-mail. Reading of the dozens of sweet birthday wishes on Facebook. Packing of the bag. And a brief rendezvous with BH who was headed out to get his youngest boy for the weekend.

I'm going to pause here to let you in on a little secret about me: I pretty much always keep the fortunes I get in fortune cookies, at least until something that fits the bill of what was predicted in the fortune occurs. Then, I figure it's safe to toss it. It's one of my weird superstitions. Well...Wednesday, Jaye and I went out for some Asian food at lunch, and this was my fortune:

And guess what BH got me for my birthday and gave me on Friday afternoon after I got home from my massage:

BAM!! Can I play it? No. Not really. But I figure, I've got a good ear for music (tone!) and I can type blindly like a mofo (motor skills!), so I can at least have fun with it, no? I am SO freakin' excited, people!! I predict YouTube stardom in a year's time.

Okay, back to the b-day timeline.

5:30 pm--Departure for Dah's house. The Geej was out there (they'd gone out there earlier in the day), and I went to join them for a "girl's night" sleepover. Dah made dinner. Geej acted sweet. I was in bed and asleep by 11:15pm.

11:00 am Saturday--Finally woke up. That's right, bitches. I got to sleep for nearly TWELVE HOURS!! Can you think of a better birthday present than that for me? Because I honestly cannot. Wow. Unbelievably awesome.

12:00pm--Lunch with Dah and The Geej. Then we went here to feed the ducks and fish.

Yes, that's a golf cart crossing the pond. Clearly, it was another gorgeous day.

1:30 pm--I left to go back to Austin. The Geej insisted on staying with Dah. BH and his youngest had gone camping. So I got home to...AN EMPTY, CLEAN, QUIET house. The birthday bliss continues!!

Afternoon--Did three loads of laundry and put it away. Cleaned up all of The Geej's clutter and got her room all organized and straightened up, which is truly saying something.

Evening--Went and got takeout for dinner. Played around on the keyboard. (I LOVE it!!) Watched "The Swell Season" on Austin City Limits. And am now looking forward to a brand new SNL in a little bit.

I know a lot of people choose to have a big blowout on their 40th. And for a while, I even considered it. But I'm SO happy with how gently and peacefully I've entered into this strange new decade of my life. If the past 48 hours have been any barometer of how my mood is going to be for the coming year, then things are going to smooth and happy.

But I STILL cannot believe I'm forty fucking years old. Holy cow.

I am easily amused.

I'm always secretly tickled by the signs they hang up in ladies rooms that ask you not to flush certain things down the potty.

Sometimes they're very direct: "Do not flush feminine hygiene products down the toilet."

Sometimes they're kind of coy: "Please be gentle on our plumbing. It was installed before the invention of disposable feminine hygiene products."

Sometimes they're downright scary: " Do NOT flush ANYTHING besides human waste and toilet paper in this toilet. IT WILL OVERFLOW!!"

And sometimes, they're just amusing:
Overwhelm? Really?

Wow.

(And yes, I had my digital camera in the bathroom. Don't judge. I love the tiny little "Thank you" at the end.)

Cancelled.

The reservations. The dinner. The babysitter. The going out after dinner. The drinking and dancing. The cocktails. All cancelled.

Instead, I will be sitting my sick ass at home eating thawed-out leftover soup and coughing and trying to keep my head from exploding and covering my walls with phlegm.

And the four-year-old? She doesn't understand what "Mommy is sick" means, apparently. I want to crawl in a hole and die.

I'm only doing this because I'm sick.

I don't know if it's the cedar in the air or what, but for the past 36 hours, I've been feeling progressively like a prominent member of the Undead Society. Coughing. Headache. Sneezing. Runny nose. Etc. Normally, "seasonal" and "environmental" allergies don't faze me. And this is saying something seeing as how I live in the Allergy Capital of the Freakin' World. (Does your local weather forecast include and "allergy forecast"? Because it does in Austin!) But maybe they ARE really getting to me for some reason. Or maybe I'm finally catching the bug that has been going around for about 6 weeks and has kicked the collective ASSES of friends, coworkers, and family around me. Who knows. Who cares. I just feel like hammered dogshit and want to feel better so BH and I can go out and have some fun tomorrow night. I mean, we have a babysitter, reservations, and everything!!

So in lieu of having the mental energy to create a REAL post, please entertain yourself with this video of one of my kittehs--Doug--playing fetch.


Enjoy!

Things I saw this weekend:

• Lots and lots of Hummers driving around. Like, seriously...it felt like there was an obnoxious douchebag convention in town or something. It was weird.
• A woman taking her black and white pony for a walk down the sidewalk on Brodie.
• A big ol' Texas cowboy in his big ol' Texas pickup truck wearing a big ol' black cowboy hat while eating a banana.
• Rachel Getting Married. Meh.
• About 10,000 dogs sticking their heads out the windows of cars that were driving around (none of these dog heads were sticking out of Hummer windows, oddly)

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Before:

During:

After 5 hours and $300+:

It's subtle, but it's definitely different. I'm no longer a redhead, and after a few more appointments, I'll be a full-tilt blonde.

This is the first of what I hope are many positive changes that will take place this year.

Bring it on, forty!

Some images to (hopefully) make you smile.

The Geej has entered her "mermaid" phase. It seems every picture she draws is a mermaid. And what's weird about this is that we've never EVER watched that Disney movie with the mermaid. I don't even remember what the hell it is called, in fact. You know the one with Ariel...and Nemo. Oh wait. Just Ariel and that lobster/shrimp thing that sings in a vaguely Carribean accent. Anyhoo, I'm sure she's absorbed the Ariel fetish via Disney's ultra evil marketing machine, as she has the other fucking princesses, because she knows every one of their goddamned names. But I'm digressing...

What I REALLY want to show you are her AWESOME drawings:

See? Total mermaid. (You can tell from the "bra" that the Geej insists on putting on each and every one.)Too cute.

And speaking of cute, would you please check out this cat?

Doug is definitely the bigger lover of the two of them, and he purrs all the time. Whereas with Diane, you've got to really work for it. Now if I could just get them BOTH to quit climbing my pants legs, that would be great.

Finally, I MUST share with you my new favorite blog. I'm sure it's old hat for some of you whipper-snappers, but for those of you who have yet to experience its brilliance, prepare to pee your pants.

Okay, that's all for now. (And yes, I got my computer back from the hospital...thank GOD.)

2 quick things.

1. Last night after I finished blogging, I went to The Superficial to catch up on my favorite snarky celebrity gossip site, and I was in the middle of looking at some hideous plastic surgery photos when--BAM--my browswer shut down, this "Anti-Virus" warning thing came up, and this electronic voice started coming out of my speakers, warning me of certain doom. Needless to say, it freaked my shit out. But I ran my OWN virus scan, and found out that--no real surprise--the thing claiming to be an anti-virus warning was actually the virus. It's something apparently called "Scare Ware," and it's happening a lot. Don't fall for it (like I nearly did). As a result of all this fun, my computer is down in IT getting scrubbed and sanitized, and I'm having to work on the 2-toed sloth that is my old laptop. SO FRUSTRATING!!!

2. As we were driving to school this morning, Geej spoke up from the backseat and said, "Mommy, will you be sure and record Hava Nagila on your iPod?" One of her stranger requests...

Already falling down.

I promised myself that when I saw my dismally low number of total posts for 2008, that I would post more regularly. And real posts too--not just sharing a link or embedding a video. Heck, that's what Faceplace is for, yes? But here it's been, more than a week since my last post, and I'm just now sitting down to write.

It sucks really, because I LOVE to write. It has always been like therapy for me. And I should be more disciplined about it and commit to a regular amount of time each day. Heck, 30 minutes a day. That's not much, right? But somehow 30 minutes a day--every day--in REAL life DOES seem hard to manage. I start to feel guilty like, well if I can commit 30 minutes to this silly blog, then I should be able to commit 30 minutes to exercise too. And then the guilt sets in, and I become stagnant.

Yes, I over-think things.

So yes: I HOPE to post more regularly in 2009, but it's not an official new year's resolution or anything. I also HOPE to lose 30 pounds this year, HOPE to complete some work on our house so that it's ready to sell when (if) the economy ever recovers, HOPE to keep my job and keep my team happy and productive, and HOPE to improve my overall health. I HOPE to get to know my stepsons better, HOPE to finally get the garage cleaned out, and HOPE to do some traveling. We'll see, I suppose.

So, what's been up...

School started back up (thank GOD) this week, and the Geej is entering her last semester before Kindergarten. Too crazy. She opted to take soccer and dance class as her extra-curriculars, which meanst that she opted NOT to take martial arts and gymnastics again. Kind of a surprise, but I'm looking forward to seeing what comes of these classes.

BH started his rowing lessons this weekend. 8:30 am each Saturday and Sunday for 3 weekends, then he has a one-month membership to the rowing dock after the lessons end. So far he's enjoying it. He's a morning person (unlike yours truly) and adores exercise and being outside--especially near the water. So this is like perfect for him.

I went out on a "date" with my mom last night. She'd gotten us tickets to see the wonderful Carol Burnett at the Paramount, so I got us pre-show dinner reservations at a swanky place downtown. Oh my GOD, people. I cannot describe how perfect this restaurant experience was. Everything was amazing: the service, the food, the atmosphere. Just perfect. I HIGHLY recommend this place the next time you want a special night out. Seriously.

The "show" was really just Carol showing some classic and amazing clips from the show--many of them never aired before--in between turning up the house lights and taking questions from the audience. She's so sharp and witty (and homegirl's in her 70s!), that it was just a joy to watch her interact with her fans. Like most people who grew up in the 70s and were lucky enough to see her show as kids, I absolutely ADORE Carol Burnett. She, Gilda Radner, and Madeline Khan were always three of my top favorite performers. If I had it all to do over again, I swear to you, I would've gone to LA, Chicago or New York and pursued comedy--or at least comedy writing. But as supportive as my parents were, they didn't really encourage me to dream BIG dreams like that, and it never crossed my mind to pursue something so "flighty," even though I know I would've been damn good. If I'd gotten a chance to ask Carol anything last night, I would've asked her, "How old is TOO old to get into the comedy business?" but I didn't get the mike.

In a couple of weeks, I'll hit the big Four Oh, so I'm sure you'll be reading a bunch of moaning and groaning from me between now and then (and probably for sometime thereafter) about how freaked out I am by this particular milestone. I know it's just a number, but I'm really sort of obsessing about it. At first I told BH that I wanted to do something special for my birthday--like a nice dinner out with friends or something. And then I changed my mind and decided I wanted to have a big, blow-out party. But then I did a 180, and decided I just want to do something fun with the kids. Shit, I don't know. I just know I don't want to be forty, but I'm going to be, whether I like it or not. No one told me when to run; I missed the starting gun.

Let's see...what else.

There's some interesting stuff going on at work right now--both internally (on my small team and the larger team to which we belong) and externally. 2008 was a rough ride at work, and I'm praying that 2009 is a bit more sane. But right now, it appears that sanity is a ways away.

Speaking of the "insane": the kittens. OMG, y'all. They are SO nuts. They've each picked out 1 toy (from the dozens of cat toys we have lying around the house) that is their favorite. We call them their "babies," as in "Oh Diane! You've got your baby!!" They are so hilarious with their babies. They play and play and play and play and play with them. But Doug's not really interested in Diane's baby, and vice versa. But they are both learning the basics of "fetch the baby," which is awesome. As I've been typing this, Doug has brought me his baby 6 times, dropping it right at the keyboard for me to throw. Good boy.

So yeah...that's it for now. Boring and pedestrian, I realize. But hey: at least I'm here, right? Perhaps if I work out this muscle with more frequency, I'll morph back into the old Pine Curtain Refugee of yore. Until then, please bear with me folks...