Saturday, January 15, 2005

What's in a name?

This afternoon I was at a birthday party for a friend of mine's daughter who was turning one. It seemed like everyone there either had kids or was pregnant. It was interesting. Anyway, I met this one gal named Kim who has an 11 month old boy. When I asked what his name was, she said: Toby. Really, his name is "Tobin," but they call him Toby.
Okay, Tobin I like. Toby? Not so much. And they named him Tobin with the intent of calling him Toby. Like naming your kid "Richard" if you just really want little "Dick" running around. I don't understand it. Why not name the kid the name you want to call them, and then if a nickname comes out it, so be it.
She said that one of her main reasons for choosing it was that "it wasn't on the list of 100 most popular boy names." Oh really? What a surprise.
The thing with baby names is that everyone has associations. Like, for instance, if I told you I planned on naming my daughter Britney, who would that make you think of?
That's what you want to avoid. You don't want anyone thinking about your adorable 5-month old in a thong, smoking a cigarette, giving a blowjob to Kevin "I like to wear my trucker's hat cocked" Federline.
So I guess my main question here is: Why in the FUCK would anyone want to call their baby "Toby," when they surely know of the evil incarate that is Toby Keith?! I mean, even if you've never even surfed past CMT, you've still GOT to know Toby Keith is a no talent, "We're gonna put a boot up your ass," "Ford Truck Man," Dixie Chick hatin', O.U.-lovin', former-mullet-having, JACK ASS. I HATE this mother fucker. In fact, here's a haiku I wrote to express my ire:

Big dumb jerk, he is.
Ford Truck man with no talent.

Very small penis.

And Celine Dion. I hate her too. Oh man, she REALLY gets me riled...

I'm probably reading WAY too much into this whole situation, but really...Toby? I'm sorry.

1 comment:

Karla said...

Dude...imagine if ol' Tobe and Celine had a KID. What the hell would that look like, I wonder?

The mind boggles.