Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Heavy, heavy life.

Right after 9-11, I was like a lot of Americans: obsessed with watching/listening to the news, unable to sleep, terrified of what was next (because there just had to be SOMETHING to follow up that horrible tragedy). And now, for the first time since then, I'm feeling that way again. The ever-worsening situation in Japan and the noble way with which that country's citizenry are handling it (at least thus far) has gotten into my head and into my dreams. I am not one who prays, and yet I find myself praying every night for this country and its people. Each photo, each video clip, and each news story I see leaves me asking myself, "What would YOU do? How would YOU handle this?" And the truth is, I don't know. I am very hit-or-miss when it comes to stress. Sometimes I simply cannot deal with the situation at hand. I shut down. I implode and retreat. Other times, I shine, becoming the beacon of calm that others cling to. It depends on the situation and what's at stake, I guess. But really, it's pretty unpredictable. I DO know that I'm not someone who deals with a lack of control very well. Especially when it comes to my own life. But I seem to be okay at helping others out in that situation. However, there's simply no way I would be of any use during a tragedy on the scale of Japan's. Just thinking of the enormity of the losses suffered there makes me break into a cold sweat.

Then there's normal life. The kind of friends-and-family stuff that is within your solar system. And when you see these people that you know and love suffering and hurting and worrying, all you want to do is make things better for them. But you can't.

Nature and circumstances are humbling entities, to say the least.

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