What the hell just happened?

I spent about 1/2 hour writing this post about my mom's enormous hair, and when I "posted" it, everything disappeared but the title. Mom? Are you monitoring me? If so: I don't care. The truth needs to be told. Your hair is big. And it makes you look older than you are. It's been the same basic hairdo--big, teased, tamed, shaped, sprayed--since the early 60s. It's worked hard. It needs to retire. Please stop the madness. The rolling. The perming. The teasing. The shaping. The spraying. Don't you ever just want to wash and go? Huh, Mom? If you added up every minute you've spent fixing your hair, or getting it fixed, permed or rolled by someone else, I bet you'd get about 7 years of your life back. Mom? Are you there?

Shut up and kiss me, Jon Stewart.

I know he's married. I know he's got a brand new baby. But damnit, Jon Stewart is THE man of my dreams. Sigh. I'm not riding some kind of popularity wave. I mean, I've loved the guy since his guest host days on "House of Style" and the "You Wrote It, You Watch It!" days on MTV. Cute then. Cuter now because he doesn't smoke anymore. I heart Jon Stewart. 2 Gether. 4 Ever.

Maiden voyage.

Um....hi. I'm blogging, I guess.

Welcome aboard. Drinks on the Lido Deck at cast off. We'll be in Cozumel at sunrise.

Today's big news: $235 spent at the vet's office to have my elderly cat's teeth cleaned. Why, you ask?

• Because they've never been cleaned and they've got 14 years of cat gunk built up on them.


• Because she's got "weak kidneys" and an infection introduced through her skanky teeth/gums could be problematic.


• Because I've got a crush on my vet, and he said I should have her teeth cleaned.

Today's other big news: My co-worker...I'll call him Gunther...picked his skin so much on his face all day that it appeared as if he'd had a chemical peel by 4:00pm. It's a horrifying thing to watch, really. A nervous habit, obviously. But really--when you're having to wipe the skin you've picked off your desk a couple of times a day, maybe it's time to invest in some moisturizer and/or consult a psychiatric dermatologist. Man, is it ever gross.

So there you have it: my first exciting blog post. Oh yeah, they'll all be at least this good. Check back early and often. I'll freshen your pina colada as needed.