And now, for something completely different.

Several months ago, I was leaving work and waiting to turn at the busy 6th Street/Lamar intersection when I noticed a bicyclist to my left, waiting to cross the intersection. That in and of itself is not the least bit interesting. However, this particular bicycle enthusiast was 40-something white (but well-tanned), very manscaped dude who just happened to be butt ass nekkid except for a red thong. When the traffic allowed, he mounted his bike and took off, north on the Lamar sidewalk. Speechless and laughing like a total lunatic, I picked up my phone to call someone--anyone--and tell them what I'd just seen.

Fast forward a few weeks. Me, BH and his youngest son were headed downtown for some Mexican food early on a Saturday evening. As we sat at the light at 5th/Congress, guess who casually peddaled by, right in front of us with a HUGE smile on his face. You got it: Thongie McCycler. Next to our car was a big ol' pick-em-up truck with a couple of big ol' fellers in the cab. They were both pissing themselves laughing, and one had his camera out trying to hurriedly snap a photo of Billy Buttfloss. Their windows were down, so I lowered mine and inquired, "Did you get a good one?" And the guy with the camera--through HARDY laughter--said, "I'm from Minnesota and I've never been to Texas, and I did NOT expect to see anything like that." Yeah well, who DOES really?

Other friends reported sightings of the smiling self-propelled naturalist every now and again, but until this afternoon, I hadn't seen him again. But today, while sitting in HORRIBLE southbound traffic on Lamar, I saw him coming down the sidewalk and had just enough time to grab my Flipcam out of my purse and record this--4 seconds of pure gold.



Leslie? You're SO 2001. THIS guy is the new freak about town.

Diagnosis: I am nuts

Not really, but she's sending me to a therapist. And giving me Xanax. So yeah, maybe I'm a leeeeetle bit nuts.

All I'm hoping is that I somehow make it through the rest of this year without having to be checked into Shoal Creek.

We'll see...

Like any great trainwreck, I recommend you watch this space for further developments.

The Whackness

Have you ever just not felt quite right? Like you're about 75% yourself, and the other 25% is sort of, out of whack? Well that's how I've been feeling for a while now, and tomorrow I'm finally going to go see my doctor about said-whackness. Basically, here's my list of issues:

• WEIGHT GAIN! Been going to the gym regularly since February, and haven't shed a pound. In fact, I've GAINED 5 lbs., so WTF?!
• INSOMNIA!! I'm not sleeping for shit. I tend to fall asleep, no problemo, but then I wake up--ZING!--at about 2:30am and can't get back to sleep. This happens at least three times a week, which leads me to my next issue...
• FATIGUE! Like utter exhaustion type fatigue. And not just physically, mentally as well.
• IRRATIONAL ANGER AND FRUSTRATION! You know how sometimes people describe their tempers as having "a short fuse"? Well, I'd describe mine these days as having NO fuse. At all. And I don't even want to describe how this lovely issue manifests itself in my day-to-day because it ain't purty.
• INSANELY DRY/ASHY SKIN AND HAIR LOSS! I don't think I need to really go into detail about this.
• HIGHLY IRRITABLE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM! Again, no details about this one. You're welcome.
• AND THE CRYING!! That's right: I'll just be sitting at my desk at work, and all of the sudden, I've got tears streaming down my face. Reason? You tell me and we'll both know.

Appealing, no?

If I hadn't already had all my girly parts yanked a couple of years ago, I would suspect I was beginning the fun process of going through The Change. But I've been there and done that. Twice. (Long story.) So I'm suspecting it's my meds that I'm on--the hormones, the antidepressant/anti-anxiety meds, and the high blood pressure meds. All I know is I don't feel like Karla May, and I haven't in a month of Sundays. In fact, I've felt like I've been teetering on the edge of some kind of major implosion for a while now. And it's not because I'm unhappy. I'm pretty damn happy, actually. Things are great at home and getting better at work (after a fairly rough year). So what the HELL is up, people?! Anyone have any theories?

Sunset over (the very low) Canyon Lake.

Saturday night. September 19, 2009.

More to come.

Sunday drives are good for the soul.

After what felt like an eternity, Austin finally FINALLY got a couple of days of good, solid, soaking rain at the end of last week. It didn't do much to put a dent in our nearly 2-year long drought, but it did momentarily cool things down and dampen things up. However, by Sunday, BH, the Geej and I were all a little stir crazy from too much time being held captive indoors by the weather.

My bird-loving, wildlife biologist husband had told me a few days before that the lovely little hamlet of Johnson City had been having quite a problem with wild turkeys recently--lots of birds bugging the hell out of residents. At that time I informed him that, aside from a pet turkey named Elvira that had wandered around Camp Huawni one summer in the mid-1980s, I'd never seen wild turkeys, you know, doing their thing in the wild. Well this, coupled with the cabin fever, was reason enough for the three of us to pile in the Honda for a little road trip yesterday morning.

The skies were cloudy and it was in the low 70s. The landscape had already greened up a bit in a few short days, and the drive out of town and through the hills to the west was lovely.

Once we got there, we slowly drove around in some of the neighborhoods until--BINGO--a hen and three juvenile turkeys (called "poults"), hanging out in someone's front yard. Awesome. We continued driving around looking for more turkeys, and we encountered this little fella. He was just hanging out, staring at some goats in someone's side yard, and his cuteness nearly killed me. He's like a cross between a schnauzer and a dachsund. What a sweetie! A short while later we encountered an ass ton of turkeys in the common area of a little post-war apartment complex near a creek bottom lined with old oaks (which is apparently where turkeys like to hang out). Seriously, people! There were even more than this that I couldn't get in my shot. I'm not sure why I was so fascinated and delighted by this sight. I guess it's because when all you really see in your yard are mockingbirds, white wing dove, billions of stupid grackles and the occasional blue jay or cardinal, the thought of having a whole flock of this huge, strange birds on my lawn is sort of mind blowing.

We kept on driving around this adorable little town, where soon, I found my dream house.

And we marveled at the gorgeous grey skies with the occasional patch of bright blue peeking through. We wondered what it would be like to live on an old farm and be surrounded by nothing but nature for miles around.

And finally, before leaving town, we braved the after-church crowds to eat lunch at the local diner that specializes in good old home cookin' and features menus made of Xeroxed sheets of paper glued on to grocery bags.

All in all, a very nice way to spend a Sunday.

Four things:

1. I'm assuming, but not 100% sure, that there was no toddler sitting in this seat.

2. It's raining! Which is great. But OMFG, people. My mold allergies are making me feel like I consumed 10 gallons of King Cobra last night, but alas, I did not.

3. I think Diane has one of the oddest kitteh coats I've ever seen. She's mostly grey tabby, but then she's got these pieces of her that look like were stolen from an orange tabby (the two toes on her left front paw; her belleh; the stripe on her left back leg and her front right arm). It's like she was assembled from the remnants at the kitten factory. But MAN does she ever know how to stretch out and relax. Sometimes it's like she's boneless.

I mean LOOK at her back legs. What cat lays like this?!

4. This photo does NOT do the weirdness of this lady's outfit justice:

Note the boots; ankle-high, black, fringed. And her hair is braided w/beads. And then there's the "pants." And she was wearing a leopard print bandana/scarf thing on her face with HUGE sunglasses on. And then there's all the Betty Boop--on her back bumper, on her helmet, and (you can't see it from here, but trust me) on her handlebars. I'm guessing that there's a couple of Betty Boop tattoos involved in this story as well, but I really don't want to know where they are.

That is all. For now...

Lunchtime Bullets

• Today is "Presidential Indoctrination of The Youth of America" day. I expect to see all of the tween and teens who witnessed today's indoctrination (what with its subliminal messages and hardcore "Socialism will clear up your acne and get you dates!" theme) roaming the streets, zombielike and drooling, while demanding government funded abortions and a seat on Meemaw's upcoming death panel. You've been warned, America!
• Seriously, people are ridiculous.
• I think the main thing a lot of people were afraid of (but would never admit to) about this whole thing is that their children would be asked to sit down and respectfully listen to a black man of authority.
• Again, completely absurd.
• I am ready for summer to end. Like now. So damn sick of it.
• I'm enjoying some new (at least to me) music I've recently downloaded: Lightning Dust, Yeasayer, Yo La Tengo's latest, The Clientele, and Carly Simon. Yes, I meant to type the words "Carly Simon."
• Shut up.
• I'm trying to get BH to decide on an anniversary trip--either to Tennessee to drive around the Smoky Mountains and see the leaves or to The Grand Canyon. I want to get something on the calendar!
• I am currently reading "The Reader." No, I haven't seen the movie. And normally, I don't like fiction too much. But this, I'm really enjoying.
• My kitties, Doug and Diane, are now a year old. But they still wrestle and play like kittens, which is equal parts adorable and annoying.
• I'm excited about the new fall TV season starting back up. Especially about a few new shows: Glee, Community, Bored to Death, and the resurrection of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
• I'm also excited because there's an Indian restaurant coming to my zipcode. Most of the decent Indian food is located north of the river, so it'll be nice to have some closer to home. (My stomach just growled when I typed those last two sentences, by the way.)
• I am getting sick of watching "My First Place" and "Property Virgins" on HGTV and seeing these couples in their late 20s/early 30s with downpayments of $100k in the bank and budgets of $400k or $900k looking for houses. It makes me want to vomit.
• Saw "500 Days of Summer" this past weekend. I liked it a lot, however they could've eased up on the super close ups of Zooey Daschenel's eyes. WE GET IT!! SHE HAS GORGEOUS BLUE EYES! AND HER "SIGNATURE COLOR" IS BLUE!! ENOUGH ALREADY!
• BH fixed some sort of water pressure regulator thing that's been broken since I moved in to my house and, as a result, we now have normal water pressure. Hooray!!
• Got my hair color taken down a notch--not quite as light blonde. It was just too drastically different from my roots and made my hair look dirty all the time. Now it's more natural.
• I have two new sites that I check every day in order to fill my life with the cute and the bizarre--Zooborns and People Of Walmart (which is currently down, probably because Walmart slapped them with some sort of cease and desist order or something stupid like that).
• Which reminds me: If you ever want to feel like a real supermodel, go to one of our nation's theme parks. When I went to Sea World last month, I felt positively waifish amid all of the seriously, terrifyingly obese men, women and children there. It was alarming, to say the least.
• And I'll leave you with a photo of Doug chillaxing: