Technomologeez

I got a new computer at work yesterday. Normally, this would be something I would be dancing a happy jig about this. But thus far, I am not very happy with the whole switching-over-to-the-new-system bullshiz. Yes, I know I'm old and shit. And I don't "get it" as quickly or as easily as most of The Kids these days. But OMG, I've been having to mess with this whole pile o' crap almost all day today--a day when I NEED to be working my tail off. The biggest pain in the arse of all was caused by my beloved iPhone, or as BH disdainfully calls it, my "peg board." Allow me to walk you through my trials and tribulations:

Because this is a WORK computer, they won't transfer over non-business items like Tweetdeck, iTunes, etc. This is understandable. So, one of the first things I did today was install iTunes. As you may have heard, a new operating system (or "OS" if you want to sound all techie-like) was released from Apple earlier this week. After I installed iTunes on ye olde hard drive, I plugged in my iPhone to sync it like I do every day and BLEEP BORP BLEEK, a little robot inside my computer said, "YOU MUST UPGRADE! NEW O.S. BEEP BEEP. COMPUTING!!" or something like that. I dutifully did as my Apple Computer Master instructed me, including turning on iCloud and backing my phone up to it at 11:37am (FORESHADOWING!), and it seemed as if all might be okay.

I should've known that the sense of peace I felt was simply due to my innocence about the fact that my iPhone world was about to come crashing down around me.

About 20 minutes after I'd gotten everything installed and set up, I picked up my phone to do something, and went to unlock it and it didn't recognize my security code. You know, the one I've been using since I got my phone in January? The one I'd JUST RE-PROGRAMMED into my phone when I set up the whole iCloud b.s.? So I tried it again. And again. Locked the fuck out.

But SURELY there'd be some quick fix or advice on the Apple website, right?

Yeah, not so much.

So I called Apple and was on the phone with them for--no lie--nearly TWO HOURS. They had no idea what to do with me. So they "force" restored my computer taking it down to its factory settings and wiping it of all of my contacts, apps, photos, etc. But I wasn't too worried about it b/c my stuff was in a magical cloud somewhere, and I would be able to just pluck it out of the ether and restore it to my phone and go on living. Except that didn't happen. At all. And despite that my iTunes was TELLING me that my phone had backed up to iCloud, we couldn't get that backup to reappear. Fuckfuckfuckity fuck.

I finally got off the phone with them and went down to one of our IT dudes, Jim. Jim's awesome, and he was able to get some of my contacts back via reconnecting my phone with Outlook. But the vast majority of them are gone. Poof. And because I am old (see paragraph 1), I don't know anyone's phone numbers anymore. They're committed to my phone rather than to memory. I guess I'll spend the next year or so reaccumulating them...along with the addresses and whatnot that were also in my phone before The Big Wipe.

All of this moaning is just to say OMFG, y'all. I hate being this tethered to something that can so easily be compromised and obliterated. But man, am I ever tethered. It's kind of pitiful.

In unrelated-yet-still-technical news, I have fallen in love with our new HDTV. I bit the bullet and upgraded our cable package to get the HD channels (because, what's the point of having the TV if you can't get the channels, right?), and I watched the damn Rangers vs. Detroit game on that sucker last night, and it was amazeballs. The game, and the picture.

Alright. Thank you for letting me get all of that off my chest.

Namaste.

When I grow up...

When I was little, there were several people I wanted to be when I grew up.

First up, Elizabeth Montgomery. Or, more specifically, Samantha from Bewitched. Not only was she magic, but she was beautiful. And I dug her house. Now, her dorky bumbling husbands I didn't love. But her eccentric family? ADORED them.

And speaking of her family, I was super jealous of Tabitha. Cute AND magic with Samantha as a mother? Getthefuckouttatown.

Other kids I was jealous of (but these were real kids as opposed to characters on a sitcom): Lisa Marie Presley and Chastity Bono.

Lisa Marie got to have Elvis as a dad and live in Graceland.

Chastity got to have Cher as a mom and be on TV every week at the end of the Sonny and Cher show.

As a kid living in The Clusters apartments in Longview, Texas dealing with the aftermath of my freshly-divorced parents, I would've gladly traded my life for theirs. Now? Not so much.

Next up: Olivia Newton-John. Also a lovely blonde, but one with an accent! Who could sing!! Who appeared in both "Grease" and "Xanadu"!

Love love LOVED her. Still do. (And yes, I have that album. On LP.)

I also wanted to be Vicki Lawrence.

Wait. Let me explain:
1. She got to wear those kick ass Bob Mackie dresses when she sang with Carol.
2. Wigs!! Lots and lots of wigs!!
3. She got to hang out WITH CAROL, and be like Carol's little buddy. A total dream, in my book.
4. Mama from "Mama's Family". This was one of the first female comedic characters I knew of that made men AND women laugh with equal abandon. And Vicki owned her.

Now she occasionally plays Billy Ray Cyrus's mother on "Hannah Montana". Sigh.

WHATTAWEEKEND!

Friday
Left work. Ran home. Changed clothes. Then went with BH to Casa Columbia for dinner. Straight up awesome. HIGHLY recommend it. Then we went over to Bass Concert Hall for the Ray LaMontagne/Levon Helm show. We'd prepaid for parking, so that wasn't a problem at all. Walked in to Bass just as the opening act, The Secret Sisters, had wrapped up. Got a couple of drinks and got seated. Great seats. Floor level, center, toward the back. Ray and his band started their set with one of my favorite songs off of their latest album--For The Summer--and it was magical.

And it just got better from there EXCEPT for the HUGE douchebags and their dates sitting behind us talking their asses off the whole time like they were watching this on their big 98" HidDef LCD in their custom built home theater back at their Rob Roy McMansion while pounding some Shiner Bock rather than at a live venue where everyone around them had paid $50+ a ticket for a great musical experience. Holy FUCK, it was so rude and annoying. And all around us--TEXTING and IM-ing!! I've got to ask: Why even go to all the trouble and expense to go see live music when all you're going to do is sit around and gaze at your smartphone the whole time? What is the fucking point? If you can't disconnect from that goddamned contraption for an hour or so to go for a run or see a performance of some kind, then you've got a damn problem. Oh, where was I. Yes, the show. It was beautiful and amazing and I had chills several times due to the sheer lovliness of the music. Levon Helm's band was pretty great--boisterous and joyful. I smiled so much during their performance that my damn face hurt.

Saturday
Slept late (10:15am!!) then got up and started working my butt off. Lots of laundry. Dusting. Hand washing and putting all of the glassware back into the china cabinet. Dusting. Running to Lowe's. Dusting. Moving furniture back in from the garage. Dusting and dusting. Got ready and went downtown for dinner. The walked over to The Paramount to see the totally indescribable Tim & Eric show. Literally, it was indescribable. Those guys are nucking futs. I will say this: The audience was 75% male and of that 75%, 2/3 of them were bearded. I'm not sure what that means, but I found it interesting. I'm always curious what the elderly volunteer ushers think when I come to see stuff that's terribly odd and/or crude at The Paramount. I mean, it's such a classy joint, and I'm sure Mee Maw and PawPaw are very confused by what they see and hear during these shows. But hey--I'll see 'em on Friday for Louis C.K., who I'm sure is going to drop his fair share of F-bombs, so YAY!!

Sunday
Slept until 9:00am (Hooray!!) and then made breakfast for me and BH. He went off to work (yes, on a Sunday), and I made the World's Biggest Grocery List. Went to the horrible awful terrible HEB near our house. Came home and prepped stuff to put in the slow cooker to make a yummy white bean stew for dinner. Made a sandwich. Drank a Coke. Welcomed The Geej back from Dah's house. Welcomed the new piece of furniture we bought from Dah (a green chaise lounge for the living room!).



See it? There in the corner? So pretty and comfy!!

Began working with The Geej to clean up her room. Left to go to see Acro-Cats. Went to Whole Foods to take advantage of the wine cellar sale going on. Bought TWELVE bottles of wine and loads of produce b/c the produce at the shitty HEB near my house looked like ass. Went home. Ate the stew that had been cooking all day. Bathed The Geej and put her to bed. Watched "Boardwalk Empire" (can't help it; still loving it), and now I'm blogging. And yet, somehow, there's still laundry to be folded.

Whew. This? Was a great effing weekend. I am a lucky, happy lady.

Oh Hai!

You don't want to hear how busy I've been and about how work has been kicking my butt. You want Karla May updates, and that's what I intend to provide, randomalia style.

So without further ado...

It's been a long time since I've been addicted to a reality show, but I am SO in to "So You Think You Can Dance". Yes, I know it's the 7th season, so I'm a wee bit late to the party, but I am completely sucked in. And what's even sicker is that The Geej is right there with me--watching "The Dancing Show", voting for our favorites, and getting sad when people get eliminated. And now that Alex is out of there, it's really anyone's game.

Another thing I got totally sucked in to? The World Cup. This is totally BH's fault. He plays soccer twice a week, and I often join in when he's watching games on the Fox Soccer channel (yes, Fox has a channel totally devoted to soccer). We've even gone to a couple of Austin Aztex games, which are a fun way to spend a family evening. Anyway, he's never "for" any of the teams in the games he watches. He just wants for there to be good play. And this is the difference between the soccer fan and those who find soccer boring andd pointless. So I've gotten into the whole "watching for the sport of it" with him over the past couple of years while he has taught me about the rules, fouls, etc. So OMG, was I ever ready for the World Cup when it began. And between fifa.com and the fact that my place of employment was showing games on the big screen TVs in a conference room during the entire tournament, I was pretty much hooked. Four years from now, I plan to be even MORE hooked.

Tomorrow I leave for The Most Funnest Weekend Ever, Round Two. This time, there's a new character in the cast (a gal I've never met named Michelle), so even more wackiness should ensue althought I cannot promise there will be aggressive flauting. But I will be praying for it. Believe me. And y'all, this break could NOT come at a better time. Yes, I'm swamped at work (which sucks b/c I know I'm going to walk right back into a veritable shit storm when I get back to work on Monday), but mentally, I needed out of there. Like now. I plan on doing nothing that requires any brainpower whatsoever this entire weekend.

I've got New House Fever. However, we are a) not ready to put our house on the market, b) it's a crappy time to put a house like ours (3/2 starter home) on the market b/c there's too much inventory and c) we need to get going in the new school year to truly understand what our budget's going to be, so, long story short--no new house for Karla May any time soon. But OMG I'm DYING to get into a new space that's more suited to what we need. This November will mark my 5 yr. anniversary of being at this address, and I am just ready for a change and for a place that BH and I decide upon TOGETHER. But I'm going to have to wait, and anyone who knows me knows that patience is not a virtue of mine.

I signed up for a writing workshop this fall with the insanely talented Ms. Spike Gillespie. I cannot wait.

Also? I really really really want to take an improv class. I recently went and watched my hyper-talented friend Irene in an improv performance and left invigorated and inspired. The questions are: When will I be able to work this into my insane schedule?; and, Am I brave enough? I really don't have the answers to either of those right now.

They're changing my thyroid hormone replacement meds prescription again. When my bloodwork came back this week, it showed that I still wasn't within what's considered "normal" ranges, although I was much closer than I'd been the last time I'd had my TSH levels checked. So, they're upping my dosage and--fingers crossed--this will be the golden ticket. I've felt about 80% normalish, but I've still been a bit hypothyroid symptomatic (dry/itchy/ashy skin; hair falling out; bouts of intense fatigue; uncontrollable moodswings; insomnia; inability to concentrate, etc.). In other words, I'm still an utter joy to be around at all times.

I know there's more,  but that's all I can do for now. It's 1:00am, and I've got to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to pack because, as with every trip, I've waited until the last minute to even think about what I'm going to take with me. Oh, and I need to go start some laundry...so there's that.

Another post soon, I promise.

Is that a nodule on your thyroid, or are you just happy to see me?

So remember back when I told y'all about my whole "rocks in my head" episode, and mentioned that they'd found a "nodule" in/on my thyroid? (Note: "Nodule" is now one of my most unfavorite words. Right up there with "moist", "nipple" and "bulbous".) Well the ultrasound showed that I had not one, but four n-words in my thyroid, and one of them is "dense" and rather large (about an inch). So next week, I'll have a biopsy on the biggest of the n-words and see if it's malignant and needs to be yanked out (along with its smaller n-word buddies), or if it's benign and can sort of hang out and be monitored for growth. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll end up with a world class goiter on my neck. How sexxxy would THAT be?

In other non-nodular news, I'm very excited because I sent my application and writing portfolio in to a writing conference that, should I be accepted, would take place in the middle of Tennessee over, get this, THIRTEEN DAYS this summer. Holy SHIT, y'all. THIRTEEN DAYS of being able to focus on my creative brain and write while residing on a college campus. Seriously?! I would rather do that than spend a week on a beach in Hawaii. Yes, I'm serious. Would it be expensive and ridiculous to juggle logistically? YES. Do I fucking deserve it and need it? Oh HELL to the yes.

So cross your fingers and think good thoughts, because this is going to happen.

Something else I'm kind of proud of? I'd been noticing that there was/is a shameful dearth of support for mentoring and moving women into upper leadership positions within my company. So instead of just stewing about it, I reached out to a woman with a long tenure, who is in a highly respected leadership position and sat down and said, "What do we do about this?" And she encouraged me to establish a women-in-leadership group to meet regularly and share ideas, challenges, and network. Well, I did it, and the first meeting is scheduled for the end of this month. We're starting small, and hoping that it'll grow. I hope something good comes out of it. However, whenever women get together behind closed doors to talk about anything, men tend to get nervous. I'm convinced that's one of the reasons that the Salem witch trials happened at all: Men were freaked out because there were women meeting and talking without them, so you know, of course they must be witches. It's a theory...

Alright, I'm off to watch the sexiest silver fox Canada has ever produced: Mantracker. More soon.

Lunchtime Bullets

• Today is "Presidential Indoctrination of The Youth of America" day. I expect to see all of the tween and teens who witnessed today's indoctrination (what with its subliminal messages and hardcore "Socialism will clear up your acne and get you dates!" theme) roaming the streets, zombielike and drooling, while demanding government funded abortions and a seat on Meemaw's upcoming death panel. You've been warned, America!
• Seriously, people are ridiculous.
• I think the main thing a lot of people were afraid of (but would never admit to) about this whole thing is that their children would be asked to sit down and respectfully listen to a black man of authority.
• Again, completely absurd.
• I am ready for summer to end. Like now. So damn sick of it.
• I'm enjoying some new (at least to me) music I've recently downloaded: Lightning Dust, Yeasayer, Yo La Tengo's latest, The Clientele, and Carly Simon. Yes, I meant to type the words "Carly Simon."
• Shut up.
• I'm trying to get BH to decide on an anniversary trip--either to Tennessee to drive around the Smoky Mountains and see the leaves or to The Grand Canyon. I want to get something on the calendar!
• I am currently reading "The Reader." No, I haven't seen the movie. And normally, I don't like fiction too much. But this, I'm really enjoying.
• My kitties, Doug and Diane, are now a year old. But they still wrestle and play like kittens, which is equal parts adorable and annoying.
• I'm excited about the new fall TV season starting back up. Especially about a few new shows: Glee, Community, Bored to Death, and the resurrection of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
• I'm also excited because there's an Indian restaurant coming to my zipcode. Most of the decent Indian food is located north of the river, so it'll be nice to have some closer to home. (My stomach just growled when I typed those last two sentences, by the way.)
• I am getting sick of watching "My First Place" and "Property Virgins" on HGTV and seeing these couples in their late 20s/early 30s with downpayments of $100k in the bank and budgets of $400k or $900k looking for houses. It makes me want to vomit.
• Saw "500 Days of Summer" this past weekend. I liked it a lot, however they could've eased up on the super close ups of Zooey Daschenel's eyes. WE GET IT!! SHE HAS GORGEOUS BLUE EYES! AND HER "SIGNATURE COLOR" IS BLUE!! ENOUGH ALREADY!
• BH fixed some sort of water pressure regulator thing that's been broken since I moved in to my house and, as a result, we now have normal water pressure. Hooray!!
• Got my hair color taken down a notch--not quite as light blonde. It was just too drastically different from my roots and made my hair look dirty all the time. Now it's more natural.
• I have two new sites that I check every day in order to fill my life with the cute and the bizarre--Zooborns and People Of Walmart (which is currently down, probably because Walmart slapped them with some sort of cease and desist order or something stupid like that).
• Which reminds me: If you ever want to feel like a real supermodel, go to one of our nation's theme parks. When I went to Sea World last month, I felt positively waifish amid all of the seriously, terrifyingly obese men, women and children there. It was alarming, to say the least.
• And I'll leave you with a photo of Doug chillaxing: