For Kim, On What Would've Been Her 46th Birthday

I thumbed through books filled with the words of others,
hoping to find that perfect couplet
the resonant stanza that could
or would
perhaps
maybe
convey what it is to lose
a teacher, a sister, a mother, a daughter,
a friend.

But nothing and no one
described the way I fell to my knees when I learned you were gone
or how we cried in a restaurant while toasting you,
not caring what anyone thought,
or how reading of the way you had made so many others
laugh, learn and grow
during your short, brilliant ride on this beautiful terrible planet
made all of us even more grateful for you.

Instead I went back to a lesson learned as a child
while standing around a pond at summer camp.
On the count of three, dozens of us threw green pinecones
into the mirror-still water.
In silence, we watched as the ripples from each spread out
and touched the others over and over again
until every one was connected
and the pond was alive with movement.

Each child you've taught, each friend you've made, each tear you've dried, each laugh you've shared
THAT is what connects us to you now
here
today.

You have gone, but the pond is not still.

Your waves run through us all and across this place.

We catch the shimmer of you in the autumn light
and commune in the stillness of your beauty,
offering thanks for your overwhelming love and strength.

Oddities

Last night, at the Radiohead show at the Frank Erwin Center, there was a guy in the "floor" section of the arena who decided that the best idea for experiencing they show was to, you know, lie on the nasty horrible uncomfortable ground while gently playing the "drums" on his substantial belly. He did this for about four of five songs and only changed his position (and eventually got up) after people started staring at him as they walked by and one guy checked on him to make sure he wasn't dead.

***

We have instituted "no TV" nights at our house on Mondays and Tuesdays in an effort to get The Geej to focus more on her homework. It's been working really well. Today, on the way to school, this was our conversation:
Geej--Since I haven't watched TV this week and I've done all my homework, can I watch TV tonight when we get home?
Me: Sure.
Geej--Yay! I'm gonna have a TV fuhganza!
Me: What's a "fuhganza"?
Geej--It's where I go CRAZY with the TV!

***

Austin's favorite cross-dressing, thong-and-heel sporting, bearded, crazy homeless man, Leslie passed away today. I remember going to see a show at Stubb's one night (inside), and Leslie showed up wearing a half t-shirt and a tiny red, shiny thong with high heels and painted fingernails. He got one of the band's promotional bumper stickers and plastered it across his naked butt cheeks. Then he proceeded to get up on stage and shake everything God gave him as the band played. The audience was pretty much unfazed. I've got photos somewhere...

***

Today, on the way home from work, I was traveling down S. Lamar (like I always do). It was drizzling and the traffic was creeping along. I reached the strech just north of Oltorf--where there are literally three Mexican food restaurants in a 1/2 mile stretch--there was a half-trailer parked in the lot of the middle restaurant, La Feria. In this trailer, was a HUGE camel. He seemed oblivious to the rain and was steadily munching on the palm fronds of the tree his trailer was parked underneath.

***

Last weekend I was lucky enough to travel to Florida to visit a couple of girl friends. I was on a mission to see some manatees, but that was not to be. However, we did see some freaky wildlife.

We drove to Marco Island (near Naples) for the day on Sunday. And somehow, we happened upon this place called Stan's, which is apparently legendary. There were cars EVERYWHERE, and when we asked a kindly old British man what was up, he said, "Well, on Sundays, Stan likes to sell beer, and a lot of people like it apparently."

Understatement.

It was a white person palooza! Lots of trashy, drunk people inexplicably crowded into this indoor/outdoor waterside bar, drinking specialty drinks called "Buzzards" and listening to a southern rock cover band. (Yes, they played "Sweet Home Alabama." Twice.)

That's Stan. He's apparently 180 years old, and his wife, The Buzzard Queen, works the joint with him. She was there decked out in her black, sequined and feathered regalia, dirty dancing with strangers, taking dollar bills out of mens' waistbands with her teeth and posing for pictures. Classy couple, those two.

At Stan's they welcome dogs. Even if they're on the table while you're eating.

We were classy too, having brought our own snacks to a restaurant. But everyone was too drunk to notice or care.

I think the coolest thing was the fact that I found a license plate featuring my pseudonym parked right next to my buddy's La Turista's daughter's pet name.

Kind of cool, right?

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Irene.

Irene, meet the ladies and gentlemen.

Dear Aunt Jew-wee,

Thank you for the coffee maker you sent to me. Even though my mommy doesn't like coffee, I sure like making it. And this morning, I brought at least 3 cups of freshly brewed Jo to her in bed...you know, to wake her up.

Also, thank you for Mommy's book you sent to her. She loves it. Like most people (male AND female) that she knows, Mommy has a big ol' crush on Amy Sedaris. The little glimpse into Amy's mind (and the AWEsome photos and recipes that "I Like You: Hosting Under the Influence" provide), will make Mommy happy for some time to come.

Finally, the bubble wrap. God bless you, Aunt Jew-wee!! I'd never experienced bubble wrap before--especially the kind with the BIG bubbles!

While mommy was cleaning up my bathroom after my bath tonight, I single-handedly created "Bubble Lane," and started marching down it and demanded that Mommy and Earl march down it too. It was a blast. We marched and marched until all of the bubbles were popped. The Pixies were playing in the background. They make great marching music, by the way.

You freakin' rule Aunt Jew-wee!

Love,

The Geej

Another year older and deeper in debt.

Where does that quote come from? I can't recall. It must be because I'm THIRTY FUCKING SIX years old. Officially. As of midnight. Yes, it's true: On this day in 1969, my mom and dad welcomed me, their only child, into this world--all 6 lbs., 9 oz. of me. And the aquarian was set on her path, in the proverbial "Age of Aquarius," as it were. Lucky enough to grow up in a time and place where kids could be kids for a while. When you could ride around on your bike for 8 hours a day, unsupervised and safe, without cellphones or "amber alerts." God that seems like a bazillion years ago.

Happy Birthday to me. Blah blah blah...

So let's check in, shall we?

Lots has been going on since my last post.

Had baby shower #1, hosted by my girlfriends. It kicked total ass. And not only because I totally BANKED on gifts for Miss Geej, but because I felt like everyone who was there really wanted to be there. That meant a lot to me. You know, baby showers can...well..suck. So, a lot of people (including me, usually) approach them with a sense of "let's get this over with as quickly as possible." But my shower was fun. Hey, how often can the expectant mother throw a few back with the guests without risking the health with the baby? At this shower, much wine was drunk, many hugs were exchanged, and lots of gifts were given. It was really cool. My mom was here for baby shower #1 and stayed until baby shower #2, which was a few nights later, and was thrown by my work friends. A smaller turnout, and an overall tamer event, but shower #2 was also really cool. And yes, I got tons of stuff for little sugar pants. So my new challenge is organizing and rearranging in order to make the guest room into a guest room/nursery. Quite a challenge since the house I'm living in was built during an era that didn't appreciate the term "ample storage space." But I'm making progress...slowly. At least it no longer looks like a Babies-R-Us blew up in my living room.

And the "thank you" cards: I'm making progress with those too. I've written 20. I've only got about 30 to go.

Work has cranked back up, full speed. After something of a lull during the holidays, it is crazy-go-nuts time at work, once again. We've hired a new person onto our team, so we'll be bringing her up-to-speed over the next few weeks. And there's just the usual general chaos.

I had car trouble this week: My car was in the shop for 3 days, and I kept having to bum rides off of people. I would rather have a toe removed than deal with car trouble. It's just such a pain in the ass. The reason I took my car in was because my "check engine" light had been going on and off for the past couple of weeks. But while the car was there, I asked them about replacing one of my reverse taillights, which had recently burned out. $47 DOLLARS!!!! That's' what those bastards wanted to charge me...to CHANGE A LIGHT BULB. Can you believe that? Of course, I told them no. And I actually asked the guy on the phone giving me the $47 quote if he got embarrassed having to call people and tell them that the business he works for charges this ridiculous amount. He said, "I just read the quotes, ma'am." Ugh. I guess my job isn't that bad.

My mom got sick while she was here. Some kind of allergies/chest/head cold sort of thing. She was hating it. And Thursday, when she woke up, she had 101-degree fever. And it was raining outside. And it was her birthday. Sucks, no? I begged her to stay here and let me take care of her rather than driving home in the rain with a clogged up head, but she left anyway. Hardheaded...

And then I got whatever she had. Yay!! Yesterday, I felt like hell. Coughing. Banging headache. Sneezing. Watery eyes. Achy. Clogged up ears. General misery. I'm coming out of it, but still...what a crummy way to spend your birthday.

So I'm going to sign off...my first post as a 36 year old. Yikes. I don't know how I'm going to get used to the idea of being in my "late thirties." God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...

Busy at work = Blog Neglect

So yeah. I've been a bit remiss at posting regularly on ye olde blog. It's just been a wacky couple of weeks. I've gotten really busy at work again (after a bit of a lag, during which I blogged on the clock), and then I've been up to my arse in errands and socializing after work, so the blog gets neglected. Sorry. Here's the latest haps:

• Still haven't heard anything about my Russian court date. The laws regarding international adoption were changed the week after Christmas (thanks, Putin!), and it remains to be seen how these new regulations may (or may not) affect those of us who are "already in the pipeline" so to speak. It's driving me insane not knowing. But one thing that COULD happen (and I'm praying to God it doesn't) is that it could delay everything an additional 90 days. Three months. I think, no wait, I KNOW I'll freak out if that happens.
• I've visited and gotten on the waiting list at 3 day cares. Since I don't know when I'll be going back to get the Geej, I have no idea really when she'll need to start daycare (roughly six or eight weeks after we get back from Russia...whenever that is). At any rate, I'm trying as best I can to get prepared. All three I visited were nice, but I liked the one at St. Luke's in Clarksville best. Not sure why, but I just liked the vibe. The sad thing is that when I go to these day cares, I almost always have to sit in my car and have a little bit of a cry afterward because being around all those adorable babies makes me miss MY baby so much it literally hurts. It's been a little over a month since I held that precious baby, and my heart just aches for her.
• I moved into a new office building, along with the rest of my team. It's different. Very corporate. Lots of "cube farms." I am in a cube for the first time in years, and it's taking some getting used to. But all in all it's fine. We do have a kick ass view from my floor (the 6th). It'll be a great place to watch the 4th of July fireworks over Town Lake.
• I've started rearranging the guest room to make room for The Geej--her crib, her clothes, etc. It's going to be a challenge, but I think I'll be able to fit everything she needs into the space. I just need to get creative with my storage situation. My WONDERFUL girl friends have already given me so many gently used baby clothes. It's really nuts. So many cute outfits, and all the basics to boot. I can't wait to dress her up in some of this stuff. She's going to be such a little cherub.
• Remember Mr. Mumbly that I wrote about in a previous post? Well, he's still hanging in there. But not in an "I'm a freaky stalker" way. He's really just a nice guy and he's said he's "in awe" of what I'm doing with the whole adoption thing. And he flat out said, "Just so you know, the idea of dating a single mom doesn't scare me." (Wow. Single mom. I can't believe that's what I'm about to be.) So who knows...
• I'm being given a baby shower tomorrow and then another one on Wednesday. Normally, I think baby showers are pretty awful. But I think mine's going to be fun--a bunch of my wine drinking friends and me. And since I'm not pregnant, I get to drink wine too! Yay wine!
• I'm sort of addicted to "Celebrity Fit Club" on VH-1. I know, I know...reality t.v. is so played and stupid. But there's something fascinating about watching Biz Markie and The Snapple Lady try to shed the pounds. And then they've got this big giant scales that they get in as a team at the end of each episode. So cheesy it's brilliant.
• It feels like spring outside. It's 72 degrees as I write this. Very bizarre for late January.

That's pretty much it. I'll try and be a more regular poster. But let's face it: sometimes a) life's pretty boring and there's not much to write about or b) life gets busy and you don't have time to write about it.