And now for something completely different:

You know, it's been a while since I blew your MINDS with some of my "Old Weird Cookbook Finds". This one is a particular favorite, and I've actually been meaning to blog about it for some time, but because I'm a nice person, I actually gave the chick over at Cake Wrecks the opportunity to post this FIRST, but she didn't respond to my email, so you know, screw her.

So may I humbly present, "Animal Cut-Up Cakes"

Timmy what kind of cake would you like for your birthday? Spiderman? Really? Well too bad, because you're getting Tortie the Turtle!!

Oh quit crying, Timmy! There's no need to be afraid. The green hairy turtle will really be quite yummy!

What's that Mary? You'd like a princess cake? Well too fucking bad, because you're getting Teddy Bear for your birthday!

I know it looks like a mutant bear/bunny with horrible soulless eyes, but he's just here to make you happy!

Now listen kids, quit your crying!! You don't want to end up like The Cut-Up Kids.

THEY didn't appreciate the wonderful birthday cakes THEIR mommy made for them, and she lopped off their arms! You don't want that to happen to you, now do you?

And just think, in a few months, we'll also be able to enjoy the decapitated head and mournful eyes of Dear-ie the Reindeer! There's no WAY Santa will be making it to all the children's houses on Christmas Eve since his lead reindeer's head will be on a platter in the middle of our table!! We're going to ruin Christmas for everyone!!

Ho Ho Ho, indeed!!

All of these fine culinary creations have been brought to you by the fine people of Baker's Angel Flake Coconut.

Baker's--When you want your dessert to taste like heaven's dandruff.

Reality Checked

For some time now, I've been fantasizing about a new house.

Wait, let me back up.

When I bought my house (which will be five years ago, this November), it was with two things in mind:

1. It was a starter home--an investment. I never planned on staying in it longer than 5 - 7 years. The plan was to upgrade to something a little bigger and nicer (and in a better school district) when the time came.

2. The Geej and me were the only (human) residents. So the 1,660 sq. foot, 3 bdrm., 2 bathroom home suited us just fine.

Well, a lot has changed in the past five years, the biggest being that I got married to BH, which meant that the Geej and I were no longer sole full-time occupants of the house. And many weekends, BH's ever-growing sons join us for a few days. Add to this the fact that BH pretty much works at home full time (unless he's out in the field or at a meeting), and our little starter home now feels way too small.

So last year, when the tax credits for home buyers (and move up-ers) were available, I really wanted to put our place on the market. But there were some things we wanted to get done to it prior to listing it, so we created a list of home improvement projects. My goal was to get the critical stuff done and the house listed by the end of January, 2010. We had a bit of momentum with our project list (new oven! new dishwasher! master bathroom repainted and improved! bedrooms repainted!), but the momentum stalled out, and the January deadline (and eventually the tax credits) passed us by.

Sigh.

Ever-hopeful and feeling the walls closing in around me, I suggested to BH that we start going to open houses so that--even if we weren't in the position to sell our place and buy another one--we could at least figure out what kinds of houses we both like and what neighborhoods are most appealing to us. And look we did. Almost every Sunday we were out there checking out the 4/2 inventory in southwest Austin. The more we looked, the more we came to agree on the things that were important to us in a home and a community. We started to find some places we REALLY liked, and I began mentally moving in. But it wasn't long before the whole exercise just made me begin to dislike our house and become increasingly frustrated with the stagnation of our current position.

Things came to a head last week, and BH had "The Big Talk About Money". After our talk, we agreed that we're not in a position to purchase a new place right now, and that the economy is simply too shitty right now to consider putting our house on the market. Yes, I'm disappointed in this outcome--I'd be lying if I said otherwise. However, now that I KNOW that, for at least the next two years (or until the economy gets healthier) we'll be staying put, I'm not quite so frustrated. I think.

Now, I just want to focus on getting some of these goddamned projects we've had on the list for way over a year tackled. Things that will make the next two years (or more) in our house a nicer experience--new floors, fixing the front sidewalk that ALWAYS floods when it rains, replacing the back fence, getting some better insulation in the attic and replacing our horrible single-pane windows, maybe putting a soaking tub in the master bath (and getting rid of the godawful fiberglass tub...I have NEVER taken a bath in my own house because of my hatred of these tubs), new front door, another rain barrell, etc. The list is long and expensive, and NONE of these improvements will give us more space or magically create a home office for BH. However, it will make me feel like we're doing SOMEthing rather than sitting on our hands and will, hopefully, help me find a way to love my little starter home again.

Once upon a time...

I started a blog post about some stuff, got about 10 minutes into it and walked away. That was about a month ago. And since then, I've convinced myself that I'm too tired/too uninspired/too busy to blog. Blog avoidance has become an increasingly easy thing to do for me, but for whatever reason, I can't simply give it up.

I NEED to write. And not just Facebook updates or Tweets. But carving out that space in my day and my mind has become damn near impossible.

I recently went to New York for work. It was my first trip there in at least seven years. I fell in love with that city like never before. I went to parts of town I'd never seen--the upper west side, Harlem, Morningside Heights, Hell's Kitchen, Brooklyn. It was magical. I could never ever live there--it's just not suited for my personality. But man is it ever a wonderful place to visit. While there, I got to spend some quality time with one of my most favoritest people, my friend Tom. He's writing a novel, and he's shaping his life around the writing of it. He's arranged his work schedule so that he works from 11am to 7pm. He wakes up each morning and spends 2 hours writing while his mind is still fresh. He arrives at work in a better mood. And then when he comes home, he doesn't feel the pressure to write when he's mentally and physically done with the day. He is, understandably, happy with this situation. And I am forest green with envy. He has also planned a 5-day trip to Chicago (where he used to live and where the novel is set) to do a bit of research, but mostly to immerse himself in the place and write, write, write. Fucking lucky bastard.

Granted, he doesn't have a family (he's single, no kids) and he's got a VERY generous time off policy (unlike me who currently has 3 hours in my time off bank), so he can DO this kind of stuff. I am proud of him beyond words. But his ability to mold his life around his passion for writing only makes it more painfully obvious how impossible doing the same would be for me. I can't even imagine what kind of machinations and sacrifices it would require to commit to the art of writing like he has.

And so I grab the random creative impulse (I wrote a haiku about rain lillies yesterday while I was driving to get The Geej for a doctor's appointment), and try and subsist on what little nourishment it provides my soul. I also take advantage infrequent moments like this one (I've arranged with BH to stay late at work, finished what I needed to for the day, and am not having to rush out the door to get home) and try to utilize it to, you know, write. But this that I'm writing? Not very inspirational, is it. It's like one big ol' pity party for myself.

How do I find the balance between what I have to do, which is be a wife, a mother, a working/bill-paying member of society, and what I want to do, which is focusing on and exercising my creative mind? I have almost no solitude, ever, and I feel like I have to ask permission for "me time". Then when I actually HAVE some time for myself, I have a list of 10,000 things I need to do, and none of them is "sit your ass down and write".

Oh, what to do, interwebs. What to do...

Snippet

Scene: In the car, stuck in traffic. On the way to a weekly summer day camp. Crowded House is playing on the car stereo via iPod. Mom is singing along. Daughter, in booster seat in back, is writing in a spiral notebook. Suddenly looks up and poses a question.

Daughter: Did you kiss Daddy goodbye this morning?
Mom: (Turning down stereo). What, Honey?
Daughter: Did you give Daddy a kiss goodbye today?
Mom: Yes. Why?
Daughter: (Nonchalantly going back to writing in the notebook). I didn't see you.
Mom: Well, we did.
Daughter: (Pause) Do you kiss each other in the bed?
Mom: What? Yes.
Daughter: (Mumbles something inaudible.)
Mom: Did you just say "Horrible"?
Daughter: No! I said coooool.

And, scene.

The After-School Care Conundrum

Any of you readers without school-age children may want to go ahead and close your browser, because I assure you, this post will bore you to tears.

When we decided to move The Geej to public school for the first grade, the spectre of what to do with the vexing hours between roughly 2:30 and 5:30 loomed large. The school offers several after-school program options--one, on campus put on by the YMCA, and the others, off campus at other facilities. So of course, I have drug my heels in touring these facilities and making a decision until today.

Option #1
Looked good on the outside and from the website, but almost as soon as I entered the front doors, I wanted to bolt. It was unorganized, appeared to be understaffed (and the staff that were there were just sort of standing around watching the kids, not engaging at all), and OMG it was utter fucking chaos. My tour guide didn't know the answers to half of the questions I was asking, and the whole place just reminded me of "Lord of the Flies". There were about 100 kiddos just going nuts all over the place. Seriously. I kept looking for the kid holding the conch. When I finally got the helloutta there, I had a horrible sick feeling, like I'd been kicked in the gut. I was terrified that the next tour would yield the same results, and then we'd be screwed.

Option #2
Also looked good on the outside and from the website. And when I walked in, it was totally serene. Hell, they even had classical music playing. During the tour, the director answered all of my questions and even asked me some! About my child!! Their after-school program is about 1/4 the size of the program at Option #1, which was way, WAY too big, in my opinion. And they offer an orientation and tour and bus pick-up run through for the new kiddos (none of which were offered by Option #1). So yeah... I'm going to be taking The Geej by there next week to check it out and see what she thinks, but I'm feeling pretty good about Option #2. I mean, as good as you CAN feel about other people having to take care of your kids while you earn a living. Sigh.

BTW, I attended an after-school program that I dearly loved when I was The Geej's age. And then I became a latch-key kid, which is fodder for a whole 'nother post.

Exhaustion

Friends. Where do I even begin?

1. A week from tomorrow, my team and I will be giving a presentation to The Powers That Be that will try to a) justify our existence thus far and b) ensure our existence moving forward. Everytime I think about this, I want to vomit. When I think of how hard we've worked and how much we've gone through over the past few years, I am utterly offended by this task. However, I'm also insanely* hopeful about the fact that someone is (finally) asking us what we think and what we want to be doing. My team has been simply amazing in terms of their enthusiasm and creativity in the face of this latest challenge. I am very, very proud. But I'm also a total stressball. I just want to grab the leadership of my company by their non-existent lapels and shake some goddamned sense into them.
*By "insanely" I mean literally, I'm not right in the head.

2. As you know, The Geej's 6th b-day was last Friday. That night, Dah, BH and I took her out to dinner (with pumpkin pie for dessert, her choice!) and then we came home and opened presents. I gave her the Birthday Book I'd made with the "We're Going to San Diego" story in it. And although it took a while to sink in, she finally "got it" and got super excited. Now we're--literally--counting down the days to the trip on a calendar.

Yep. That's my girl. And that's the shirt Dah bought for her. Sigh.

And these are the shoes Dah bought for her. Sigh, again.

2.The big "Geej Turns Six" fiesta was also last weekend, and OMG it was fun, but it wore me out and cost way more money than it should've. It was perfect weather for a water-slide party--sunny and 100 degrees. There were a lot of munchkins who showed for the party, but not TOO many, which was good. It was also nice combo of her school friends (and their parents) mixing with her other friends (who are basically my friends' kids). The bottom line is that she had a blast.

Goody bags. Which, from this day forward, are deemed illegal and rude for hosts to provide.

So sayeth Karla May.

Waterslide Madness!!

3. Geej started her theatre camp this week, and I was nervous about it. New location. New teachers. New friends. But so far, she's really been enjoying it. This week, they've been making a movie (totally doing all of the story creation, sets, props, costumes themselves), and tomorrow is The Big Screening. Next week, the "theme" is songwriting/performance. So next Friday (right after the Big Presentation mentioned in item #1 above), I'll be attending THAT performance. Keeps life in balance, I suppose.

4. The Summer/Fall of Concert Attendance (which includes Louis C.K., Pavement, The Pixies, Levon Helm/Ray Lamontagne, Aziz Ansari, etc.) began last night with a trip to see Crowded House. I cannot tell you how much it meant for me to see them and how much I needed them last night. Neil Finn is one of my all-time favorite songwriters. His lyrics, compositions and harmonies can bring me to tears in a heartbeat. Plus, his vocals are always right in my range, so he's a blast to sing along with. Last night, they were at Stubb's and (thanks to the simultaneous Bob Dylan show going on at The  Backyard) it wasn't uncomfortably packed (which is good on a steamy, August night). Plus, with an older crowd (like Crowded House brings out) most people were there to actually LISTEN to the music. It was easy to get up front, leave to go get a beer, and get right back up front.

My boyfriend, Neil Finn.

There were more than a few magical musical moments during the show (especially when Neil's very talented son, Liam, came out and joined him on several songs).I found myself beaming throughout the night.

5. I am not a huge "Reality T.V" fan. I mean, I can watch nd laugh along with the best of them, but rarely do I get, like, emotionally invested in a t.v. show. But y'all? "So You Think You Can Dance" has totally KILLED me this season. I'm not even sure why I started watching. Maybe it was my friend Jaye assuring me that I would love it, but whoever reality t.v. crack dealer it was who gave me my first dose, I was hooked after episode one. And now we're down to the last three and I don't know if I can even handle it.

See what happened to me while watching this week's performance episode?! It's NOT pretty, people!

(BTW, BH makes ruthless fun of me--as he should--for being such a weeping freakazoid about this show. And it was HIS idea to photograph me "emoting". Bastard.)

6. Back to The Geej. Here's what a clueless dork I am: I totally forgot that you have to actually register your child for school when s/he is beginning studies at a new institution. Forgot!! Aren't I an awesome mom? Thankfully, a much smarter and "with it" friend of mine who has her child in public school reminded me of this fact in the nick of time. Registration is next Wednesday, and I just got clued in about my need to register the Geej this past Tuesday. I hope AISD will accept a Russian birth certificate. What a DUMBASS!! Plus, I've got to get her after-school care situation figured out. I've got tours with two potential after-care providers tomorrow morning. Oh, have I mentioned how busy/stressed I am at work?

7. And public first grade starts at 7:45am in the morning?! WTF?! This is going to take some major adjustments for our household. I mean, the good thing, is that I'll be getting to work way earlier and will (almost) be guaranteed a parking place. But the bad thing is that I'm going to be even more grumpy than usual. So, yay.

7. As I mentioned in my previous post, we're (accidentally) growing effing watermelons in our backyard.

It started out with a seed packet that The Geej brought home after a trip to Home Depot. Then, with all of the rain we've been blessed with this summer, it turned into The Vine That Ate Our Yard. In fact, BH had to cut it back substantially, aborting several watermelon fetuses in the process, prior to The Geej's b-day extravaganza--a fact she was pretty pissed off about. But we've got about three of these suckers left and I, for one, can not wait to chow down on them once they're ripe.

8. I am praying for a calm, uneventful, productive weekend ahead. I'm also hoping to catch up on some damn sleep. We'll see how that all goes.