06.07.06 + 9:14pm + 90 degrees = We are sooooooo fucked this summer, ya'll.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
The Lipstick Post; Or, How I Prove to you Once Again That I'm a Total Weirdo
No one should have this many crappy, drug store lipsticks. 
But I do.
There are few things more hypnotizing to me than the lipstick aisles at Ulta. I can, literally, spend the better part of an hour contemplating "Sahara Sunrise" and "Berry Sexy." And don't preach: I know this stuff is tested on animals and isn't good for you or P.C., but I simply cannot help it. I'm an addict, and it goes waaaaaaaaay back.
When my dad was trying to get out of paying child support (which he did vigorously until I was 18), he used to give me his J.C. Penney credit card (instead) at the beginning of the school year, and tell me I could spend $250. Well, I was too big of a snob to even THINK about purchasing any clothes at Jaques Penays, so I would spend almost every dime at the makeup counter (the rest of it, I'd buy underwear, nighties, socks, and shit like that). But even then, I didn't go for the higher end make up--I wanted quantity. Fuck quality. I'd just load up with as many eyeshadows, blushes and lipsticks that credit card could handle. But mainly, it was lipsticks.
It's not my addiction that's strange though. I know others with the same weakness. What's strange is my application technique, and the resulting damage it inflicts upon my crappy lipsticks. This photo shows the evolution from a relatively new tube (on the left), to one at the bitter end of its life (on the right):
But I do.There are few things more hypnotizing to me than the lipstick aisles at Ulta. I can, literally, spend the better part of an hour contemplating "Sahara Sunrise" and "Berry Sexy." And don't preach: I know this stuff is tested on animals and isn't good for you or P.C., but I simply cannot help it. I'm an addict, and it goes waaaaaaaaay back.
When my dad was trying to get out of paying child support (which he did vigorously until I was 18), he used to give me his J.C. Penney credit card (instead) at the beginning of the school year, and tell me I could spend $250. Well, I was too big of a snob to even THINK about purchasing any clothes at Jaques Penays, so I would spend almost every dime at the makeup counter (the rest of it, I'd buy underwear, nighties, socks, and shit like that). But even then, I didn't go for the higher end make up--I wanted quantity. Fuck quality. I'd just load up with as many eyeshadows, blushes and lipsticks that credit card could handle. But mainly, it was lipsticks.
It's not my addiction that's strange though. I know others with the same weakness. What's strange is my application technique, and the resulting damage it inflicts upon my crappy lipsticks. This photo shows the evolution from a relatively new tube (on the left), to one at the bitter end of its life (on the right):
This takes mad skills, folks. What I do is apply to both the upper and lower lip simultaneously. I'm sure it saves me loads of time (not). Lets look a little closer, shall we?
How goofy looking is that? It must look pretty strange to the unitiated, because every time someone sees me apply for the first time and gets a look at the strange shape of my lipstick, they ALWAYS comment.
I'm a freak.
Monday, June 05, 2006
BOR-ING!
You know how when you go on vacation, and you're in a totally new city, but somehow you wind up eating at Chili's? Yeah. Me neither. The idea of that pisses me off. I mean, why the HELL would you do that when you're in a totally new place with totally new things and places to experience?
Which leads me to dreams. (Stay with me now...)
I think of dreams and dreaming as little vacations that your brain gets to go on. Sometimes you go to scary places, sometimes to really cool places, sometimes the places you go are really freakin' trippy, and other times they're like the sexiest places ever. Me-ow! So when dream time is wasted on boring, pedestrian everyday crap, it ticks me off. I've written about this before, actually. But I'm compelled to write about it again because last night I may have had literally the most boring dream anyone's ever had in the history of the planet:
I was at my computer, looking at an excel spreadsheet that someone had e-mailed me. I was going over it carefully, and noticed some information I thought looked fishy. So I picked up the phone, and called the person who'd sent it to me to ask them about it.
That's it.
That's the whole dream.
That's even WORSE than eating at Chili's on vacation. That's like eating at Applebee's.
Which leads me to dreams. (Stay with me now...)
I think of dreams and dreaming as little vacations that your brain gets to go on. Sometimes you go to scary places, sometimes to really cool places, sometimes the places you go are really freakin' trippy, and other times they're like the sexiest places ever. Me-ow! So when dream time is wasted on boring, pedestrian everyday crap, it ticks me off. I've written about this before, actually. But I'm compelled to write about it again because last night I may have had literally the most boring dream anyone's ever had in the history of the planet:
I was at my computer, looking at an excel spreadsheet that someone had e-mailed me. I was going over it carefully, and noticed some information I thought looked fishy. So I picked up the phone, and called the person who'd sent it to me to ask them about it.
That's it.
That's the whole dream.
That's even WORSE than eating at Chili's on vacation. That's like eating at Applebee's.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
And a good time was had by all.
This was a good weekend. Good weather (albeit hot, but it's June in Texas, so there you go). The Geej was in very good spirits. We had a fun event to attend last night. I had a couple of very enjoyable conversataions with Mr. Wonderful. It was just all good.
So let's recap:
Friday was fairly typical. When I picked up the Geej at school, she was not only filthy, she was wet. They'd been playing outside in the water/mud, and she'd clearly had a blast. She's beginning to remind me a lot of Pig Pen from the "Peanuts" cartoons. Didn't do much that evening. Went to bed fairly early.
The Geej slept until nearly 8:30 Saturday morning. You read that right: 8:30. It was awesome. We got up, had a late breakfast, ran some errands (during which the Geej constantly commented on the "motorcycle...loud...noise...off...no motorcycle." Apparently, she's not a big fan of the Republic of Texas biker rally). Yesterday evening, we went to the coolest thing. A friend/coworker of mine filmed an episode of Trading Spaces earlier this year. Last night was the premiere of the episode. She reserved part of the Plaza level at Whole Foods, rented a big 12' x 9' screen and a projector, and she and the others on the show invited 175+ of their closest friends to come watch it with them. It was awesome. Everyone bought food and beer and wine from the store, and there were tons of kids and the playscape was right there. The Geej had a blast, and the episode was really great. We didn't get home until after 10pm, which is super late for Geej.
Went to the grocery store this morning, and The Geej saw an old lady cruising by on her Rascal scooter and said, "Motorcycle. No. Noise. Off." Apparently, she was confused.
But the best moment of the weekend happened after we got back from the grocery store. I was unloading groceries, and she was toddling around yammering about God knows what, and I said, "Okay...yes, baby...whatever." And quick as lightning, she stops, looks over her shoulder, and clear as a bell says, "WhatEVER." She sounded like an extra from the set of "Clueless." Oh my GOD!! Hearing that come out of the mouth of a 22-month old with such ATTITUDE brought me to my knees laughiing, which of course made her say it about 50 more times. HiLARious.
Mom's still in Vancouver. I guess she's managing to have some fun, although yesterday when she called, it was to bitch about the fact that one of The Dingbats has lost the keys to the rental car, and now they were having to wait for a new set to be delivered via water plane (since they're out on an island), and that it was going to cost $175 to get them replaced. When I asked her if she was paying for any of that fee, she said, "FUCK no!" That's my mom!!
So let's recap:
Friday was fairly typical. When I picked up the Geej at school, she was not only filthy, she was wet. They'd been playing outside in the water/mud, and she'd clearly had a blast. She's beginning to remind me a lot of Pig Pen from the "Peanuts" cartoons. Didn't do much that evening. Went to bed fairly early.
The Geej slept until nearly 8:30 Saturday morning. You read that right: 8:30. It was awesome. We got up, had a late breakfast, ran some errands (during which the Geej constantly commented on the "motorcycle...loud...noise...off...no motorcycle." Apparently, she's not a big fan of the Republic of Texas biker rally). Yesterday evening, we went to the coolest thing. A friend/coworker of mine filmed an episode of Trading Spaces earlier this year. Last night was the premiere of the episode. She reserved part of the Plaza level at Whole Foods, rented a big 12' x 9' screen and a projector, and she and the others on the show invited 175+ of their closest friends to come watch it with them. It was awesome. Everyone bought food and beer and wine from the store, and there were tons of kids and the playscape was right there. The Geej had a blast, and the episode was really great. We didn't get home until after 10pm, which is super late for Geej.
Went to the grocery store this morning, and The Geej saw an old lady cruising by on her Rascal scooter and said, "Motorcycle. No. Noise. Off." Apparently, she was confused.
But the best moment of the weekend happened after we got back from the grocery store. I was unloading groceries, and she was toddling around yammering about God knows what, and I said, "Okay...yes, baby...whatever." And quick as lightning, she stops, looks over her shoulder, and clear as a bell says, "WhatEVER." She sounded like an extra from the set of "Clueless." Oh my GOD!! Hearing that come out of the mouth of a 22-month old with such ATTITUDE brought me to my knees laughiing, which of course made her say it about 50 more times. HiLARious.
Mom's still in Vancouver. I guess she's managing to have some fun, although yesterday when she called, it was to bitch about the fact that one of The Dingbats has lost the keys to the rental car, and now they were having to wait for a new set to be delivered via water plane (since they're out on an island), and that it was going to cost $175 to get them replaced. When I asked her if she was paying for any of that fee, she said, "FUCK no!" That's my mom!!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Friday Show and Tell and some other stuff.
So Blackbird wants to see our least favorite piece of furniture? Well, okay. But it's really ugly. So beware:
Yes, it's the very desk at which I write most of my blog posts. Don't you like how you can see Blackbird's page open on my laptop? Nice artistic touch, don't ya think? Anyway, the story with this fugly piece of "furniture" is that I had a desk that was even crappier than this one (if you can imagine) that was a hand-me-down from my aunt. When I got my d-i-v-o-r-c-e and moved into my divorcee townhome, my mom decided to surprise me by buying and then putting together this desk for me.
Um...thanks?
First of all, yes, I hated the hand-me-down desk and had mentioned that I wanted something different to her. But no, I didn't expect her to go get me something. Especially something that I wouldn't have picked out in a million years. I hate how big and clunky it is, and with my new set up in this house, the fact that you're FORCED to sit on the left side of the desk is problematic. So, as soon as I can find one that I like to replace it, this sucker's going into the storage room with "garage sale" written all over it.
In other news, I have to show you my new favorite t-shirt:
It's from the sick minds at Homestarrunner.com, and no, it doesn't make a lick of sense. Which is precisely why I like it. (Is it just me, or does my rack look ENORMOUS in this photo. Geez, Karla May! Put those things away!!)
Finally, I read this quote today on the Vladivostok News site I check periodically:
"Currently there are more than 12,000 neglected children and orphans in the Primorsky region, Primorye Television reported. Every fourth of them lives in children homes, orphanages or boarding schools, which receive inappropriate financing."
The Primorsky region is where The Geej came from. I cannot begin to tell you how much reading this sentence rips my guts out. 12,000? In one region? My God...
Thursday, June 01, 2006
It's about time...
...for one of Karla May's famous "Random as all Git Out" posts about nothing and everything. Put your thumb on your mental remote, 'cause we're about to channel surf the deep recesses of my mind.
The Old Cat
Well folks, she's hanging in there. I gotta say, I'm surprised. I mean, if you'd asked me in early April if she was going to see June 1, I would've said no way. But she's just kind of leveled off--not getting any better or worse. And every now and then, she's even a little feisty. So who knows? She may be around for months to come.
The Young Girl
The Geej has been a bedtime dream ever since we moved into this house at the end of November. In our other pier-and-beam 50s hardwoods house, you could hear everything that happened in every room, no matter where you were. The Geej is a light sleeper, so she woke up constantly. I had to walk on eggshells, and it still didn't help. But since moving here--with our concrete slab and carpeted floors and split floorplan--she goes to bed and STAYS asleep like a dream. No tears, no struggle, no midnight crying jags. That is, until about a week ago when she started WAILING LIKE A DEMON FROM HELL every night when she's put to bed. It's messed up. I'm hoping its a phase, but I don't know...
Work
Work has been very interesting the last couple of weeks. Our poor team--who has been leaderless and pretty much directionless forever now--finally got some news about our direction, and it's GOOD news. We're all so relieved. Yours truly has a shitload of work ahead of her, but I welcome it. I think it's all going to result in good things.
Cheryl
Well, as you may have read, my mom and I made up. I gotta tell ya, it was an epic argument. I honestly think it's going to alter the way we communicate with one another from now on. It was intense. But we worked through it. I hope. Now she's off on a trip to Vancouver/Victoria Island that she didn't really want to go on with two other retirees that she refers to as "The Dingbats." I mean, I seriously don't know their names. Anyway, she got there last night, and called me just a-bitchin' about The Dingbats. I swear, sometimes I think she invents these situations precisely so she'll have something to complain about.
Mr. Wonderful
I miss him so bad it hurts. But I get to see him next weekend. Him, and his two boys. And his brother and sister in law. And their two kids. And his mom and stepdad. Who? Me? Nervous? No!
Miscellaneous
Can I just tell ya'll how much my friend Jaye kicks ass? You can get to her here or here. That bitch motherfucking SHAVED HER HEAD this week. She's giving cancer a big ol' middle finger, and I am in awe of her.
I got my 2" roots and shaggy mane taken care of today. It feels so good to go from skanky to fabulous in just a couple of hours.
My goddamned garage door opener decided to quit working. (I'm so freakin' lazy...)
Earl has woken me up twice in the past week by snoring very loudly. It's so obnoxious. I wake up and am like, "What's that wheezing growly sound?" And then I realize it's him...all lying on his back and shit, taking up 1/2 of my queen size bed. I have to shake him like a fat old drunk to get him to stop. Little bastard.
I am contemplating another tattoo. I'm really sort of craving one. It's weird. I'm researching some designs. I'll keep you posted.
Okay, I know I've got lots more in my brain, but this is it for now.
Nigh, night.
The Old Cat
Well folks, she's hanging in there. I gotta say, I'm surprised. I mean, if you'd asked me in early April if she was going to see June 1, I would've said no way. But she's just kind of leveled off--not getting any better or worse. And every now and then, she's even a little feisty. So who knows? She may be around for months to come.
The Young Girl
The Geej has been a bedtime dream ever since we moved into this house at the end of November. In our other pier-and-beam 50s hardwoods house, you could hear everything that happened in every room, no matter where you were. The Geej is a light sleeper, so she woke up constantly. I had to walk on eggshells, and it still didn't help. But since moving here--with our concrete slab and carpeted floors and split floorplan--she goes to bed and STAYS asleep like a dream. No tears, no struggle, no midnight crying jags. That is, until about a week ago when she started WAILING LIKE A DEMON FROM HELL every night when she's put to bed. It's messed up. I'm hoping its a phase, but I don't know...
Work
Work has been very interesting the last couple of weeks. Our poor team--who has been leaderless and pretty much directionless forever now--finally got some news about our direction, and it's GOOD news. We're all so relieved. Yours truly has a shitload of work ahead of her, but I welcome it. I think it's all going to result in good things.
Cheryl
Well, as you may have read, my mom and I made up. I gotta tell ya, it was an epic argument. I honestly think it's going to alter the way we communicate with one another from now on. It was intense. But we worked through it. I hope. Now she's off on a trip to Vancouver/Victoria Island that she didn't really want to go on with two other retirees that she refers to as "The Dingbats." I mean, I seriously don't know their names. Anyway, she got there last night, and called me just a-bitchin' about The Dingbats. I swear, sometimes I think she invents these situations precisely so she'll have something to complain about.
Mr. Wonderful
I miss him so bad it hurts. But I get to see him next weekend. Him, and his two boys. And his brother and sister in law. And their two kids. And his mom and stepdad. Who? Me? Nervous? No!
Miscellaneous
Can I just tell ya'll how much my friend Jaye kicks ass? You can get to her here or here. That bitch motherfucking SHAVED HER HEAD this week. She's giving cancer a big ol' middle finger, and I am in awe of her.
I got my 2" roots and shaggy mane taken care of today. It feels so good to go from skanky to fabulous in just a couple of hours.
My goddamned garage door opener decided to quit working. (I'm so freakin' lazy...)
Earl has woken me up twice in the past week by snoring very loudly. It's so obnoxious. I wake up and am like, "What's that wheezing growly sound?" And then I realize it's him...all lying on his back and shit, taking up 1/2 of my queen size bed. I have to shake him like a fat old drunk to get him to stop. Little bastard.
I am contemplating another tattoo. I'm really sort of craving one. It's weird. I'm researching some designs. I'll keep you posted.
Okay, I know I've got lots more in my brain, but this is it for now.
Nigh, night.
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